The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Skub on February 04, 2019, 03:32:21 PM
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Yo beautiful people,an anti war song forya.
Rudi (F.R. Kniel) approached me a while back with a story of Jeremiah,a young man made to go to war for his country. The experience left him dehumanised and bitter for what he had lost.
His actions during the conflict also left him unable to forget,heal or move on with his life.
Then he met Emily and everything changed,she became the catalyst for his recovery. So in some ways Jeremiah regained his faith and realised Heaven is where you find it.
I found Rudi's synth lines to be very moving in conjunction with the storyline,so his instrumental base allowed me very quickly to fashion a song which I hope captures Rudi's initial idea,even though the lyric is very comprised from the original text.
The song lyric relates the story from Jeremiah's perspective.
When your country calls
You must go to war
That's when you find for sure
Just who you are
Oh the things we had to do
To our fellow man
I'd love to forget it all
But I don't know if I can
Need someone to rescue me
Show me the way
Restore my faith again
Can't bear this pain
Another day
She saw me cry and held my hand
Took away the pain
Made me feel that I could be
A real man,once again.
Now the nightmares fade away
She gently helps me stand
My eyes are open,now I see
Now I understand
Just me and Emily
That's all it takes
I'll be here each morning time
I'll be right here
When she wakes
https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/project-rudi
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Ah ! You already know what I think of this song @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) It's simply a beautiful piece of work. Firstly there's a great story and it's been treated sympathetically and cleverly. Lovely instrumentation and loads of little subtleties going on together with the trademark vocals. I really do love this song big time :) :)
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I love it. No nits. It was wonderful to put on my headphones and get lost in the sound of this. A little bit of an escape for me.
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This is beautiful... almost haunting.
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Listening with headphones on means that your guitar sounds like someone pouring honey into my ears.
Very nice set of lyrics too. I recently read "enemy at the gates" by William Craig...which is about Stalingrad...not just the sniper duel sub-plot that was made into a film...although I liked that too...especially the late, great Bob Hoskins as Nikita Khrushchev
"You WON'T give up the river bank. I don't care if you lost half your men. Lose the other half. Lose yourself."
I had an idea and this makes me want to write that up into something suitably horrifying.
This is really beautiful, Davy. If only there were enough Emily's to go around...
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@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) this is beautiful.. I love particularly the vocals - there's real emotion in your delivery. The harms are lovely. Gorgeous guitar work - wow! And all the instrumentation is beautifully done.
Just a gorgeous piece of work. I love it!
K
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listening now.
great start…
ah. I can relate…
ooh, them guitar licks :)
restraint in the voice works great (young uns can rarely do that).
Well done
Was a real pleasure!
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Hi Skub,
This is great, love the story and lyrics are real nice,
Also loving that davy vance guitar style, there isn't any room for me to comment of soundcloud.
Love all the guitar licks that wrap around that looooooow bass
Nice work chaps.
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
Thankya J.
Rudi's ideas do fire me up. :)
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)
Hey Vicki,if it helps ya at the moment,it was a song well worth doing. :)
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829)
Thanks. :)
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
Honey in the ears? Maybe I need to get over and help bin out with his aural tackle! :D
War is brutal and most of us can only touch the edge of the horror. For that at least,I'm glad. Thanks for your ears and comments Paul. :) Go for that song and pull no punches.
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Greatly appreciated Karen,your comments carry weight with me. :)
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219)
I'm glad you connected Maestro. :)
@Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938)
Thank you Andy or Mikey,I never know who's logged in! :D
You can still post a comment on s/c even if there's no room,I read them down below anyway.
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What a great fusion of synth and guitar, it all comes together to create one of those musical atmospheres you just want to sink into and lose yourself.
Terrific song and fantastic musicianship and skill throughout!
Sorry can't be more constructive. So I'll just be a fan instead.
Oh...and sweet ending!
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Yeah that’s lovely Skub. Put me in mind of “Brothers in Arms” a bit.
Is it the same 4 chords on the synth all through? It’s amazing you manage to not make that sound repetitive... plenty of texture and variation in what you layer on top of it. I particularly liked the way the drums come and go, and trade places with those arresting harmonies. Vocals are great as are the guitar solos.
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274)
Ha! Thanks Michael. :)
@PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034)
Yeah,it's the same chords,just stuff dropped out and put it to keep some sort of dynamics going. Thanks for listening carefully Pauly! :D
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Hi Skub. I shuddered when I saw how long this was, but the 5 minutes went by in a flash. It's a song that pulls you in and nurtures a contemplative mood. Love an anti war song although I would class this as more of a love song (not that the two can't converge) it's a good addition to your canon. Nice work. Micky.
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It's so good - I love the way you kept things simple and left the vocals so naked for so long. The churchy organ glues everything together and provides a foundation for the little details over the top.
A really effective song and very touching too - nothing preachy but a clear message too. Super stuff.
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This is beautiful Skub. No further comment.
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fine vocals davey really moving song and performance
beautiful mix, sense of presence and power behind it, lovely rich keys
draws you in
vocals tender and beautifully weathered as is the guitar.. you and it are def joined at the hip..
great piece of music guys
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@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769)
I agree with you wholeheartedly,I always try to keep my songs sub 3 minutes,but Rudi loves an epic and he's hard to contain! :D
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)
Glad you liked it Adam,instead of building the chorus,I tried to give the song contrast by stripping it down a little. :)
@MartynRich (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20533)
Thank you Marty,if you are happy,so am I. 8)
@nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264)
Thanks a lot nooms,your thoughtful insights are a joy to read. 8)
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Sublime, outstanding, love this song.
You have excelled yourself here Mr Skub and Rudi!
I wasn't expecting the theme of the song and synths to work together but boy do they.
Excellent guitar work, perfect for the song and I loved the solo.
This forum really is pumping out some high level material these days.
Well done, this is one to remember.
Yodasdad.
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Hi Davy,
Don't know how I managed to miss this - must have been the flu!
I think the lyrics tell the story in a very direct and simple way but convey the emotion beautifully. Love the Knopfleresque lead guitar and authoritative vocals. I thought the ending in particular was very effective and the whole thing was soaked in celtic melancholy despite the uplifting end.
A beautiful listen.
M
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It's beautiful Davy!!!! Simple as that! Very nice and atmospheric with a lovely hook. Loved it! 🎶👊🏻🎶😁
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Hey Davy feel the lyric feel the guitar i think a gap of each would maybe be better but only in flow
But i like the whole thing 8)
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@Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208)
High praise indeed,thanks a lot MB. 8)
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Melancholy I can do Alan,it's doing anything else I struggle with! :D
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
Thank you Leo,glad you dig man. :)
@Dogmax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22307)
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by gap,but I'm happy you liked the song. :)
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Fab song, reminiscent of Brothers in arms IMHO...beautifully sad...just thought the ere a bit loud in the mix but, hey...I'm an idiot!!!
great work Mr Skub..