The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on February 03, 2019, 05:44:58 PM
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Got me a flea market Levin mandolin and went to the movies (A Star Is Born) and ended up with this. @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) helped turn my lyrics ideas into proper English.
Don't let the gentle start fool you, guitars are coming your way ;D
All and any feedback welcome.
https://soundcloud.com/jambrains/whiskey-on-the-hurt
I've had it with the world
Turned my back and walked away
Tired of trying to pretend
That the hurt has gone away
For some peace of mind
I would sell my soul
For some peace of mind
To forget it all
For some peace of mind
As I wait for sleep to fall
I pour whiskey on the hurt
See me standing in the rain
Head thrown back to wash the pain
From eyes I’ve emptied of my tears
From silent screams that no one hears
For some peace of mind
I would sell my soul
For some peace of mind
To forget it all
For some peace of mind
As I wait for sleep to fall
I pour whiskey on the hurt
There's a conflict I embrace
That pain I fear, seek to erase
The hurt, at least it makes me feel
Should I push that final shot away from me?
For some peace of mind
I would sell my soul
For some peace of mind
To forget it all
For some peace of mind
As I wait for sleep to fall
I pour whiskey on the hurt
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Very very nice.
Vocals are super...sounds like you're enjoying yourself here...and quite right too.
Sounds great to me...although I must confess the bass note around 0:09 still bothered me on the second listen, even though I knew it was coming :) does this mean I am an old fool?
Oh, and the long pauses before the hook line work a treat!
Excellent.
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Like this one. It's really engaging from the go - the intro slowly builds with the piano, then bass, then mandolin entering near the end. It's captivating in an unintrusive way to the degree that it doesn't really feel nearly 30 seconds long. Agree 100% re the long pauses before the hook line. Really effective tension-release with the hook line being delivered without anything in the background. The vocals on the 'peace of mind' line are nicely done and it's a singable hook part too.
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Top job Johan. Ah ! The mandolin. For some reason whenever I hear one I'm back watching TOTP in 71 with The Faces performing Maggie May. I think John Peel actually mimed the mandolin on that performance. I thought that the mandolin added a Celtic Rock feel to this one and I really admire your clever use of space, not throwing everything in, a lesson that I have still yet to learn :) Liked the stop / starts as well. Overall another Jambrains classic :)
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Yanno when you hear some songs for the first time and it feels like a old friend,feels like coming home,feels...right? Yeah,this is it,right here.
Smokin' work Johan. Way cool lyrics too.
The package. 8)
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I really enjoyed this, particularly the chorus. Sounds great too!
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Hi,
First off, brilliant title and love the way you've used it throughout the song. Your vocals are as ever, brilliant. This is such classy writing (somebody sign him up!) and the combination of intelligent lyrics and unexpected chord and melody twists make a very effective combination. The chorus is absolutely fabulous and the pause before the title line is so effective. Mandolin sounds great as well. I think this my favourite song of yours ever. A masterpiece and a cert for SOTM
M
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I like this one. The vibe is dark and cool and it really sets a mood.
Its good as it is and I may be full of crap but if I had penned it I would tweak a few lines
I dont like to repeat an end word in two lines of the same verse if I can help it...but it can work sometimes. Maybe it does here but I think it would be stronger if you reworked verse 1 to avoid landing on 'away' twice ...lines 2 & 4
2nd verse I would alternate the rhyme lines so 1 rhymes 3 and 2 rhymes 4
And the chorus I would play with dropping "i pour" and just sing "Whiskey on the hurt"
And if that doesnt work maybe try "Another whiskey on the hurt"
The song is very good. Excellent work.
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I just realized what it reminds me of...no specific song necessarily, but the group The Highwaymen....Willie Nelson, Kris Kristofferson, Cash & Waylon...
Very cool
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Your signature vox and guitar work and lyrics make this one shine.
Super arrangement - love the pauses and the chorus.
Lots of people have poured whiskey on the hurt for a long time.
Good work ;D
Paul
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I especially like the Chorus.
And the theme is a very resonant one.
Like the beer one drinks after a frustrating day's work, trying to relax and switch off.
Adam n Eve really messed up that time with the snake in Eden.
Come to think of it the snake got off rather lightly. He has to crawl on the Ground forever more.
Adam has to go to work to stay alive and Eve has the pain of childbirth.
Whisky eases the pain but doesn't solve it.
Where am I?
lovely song!
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Dude,
Really love this track, great dynamics, easy start, love all the guitar sounds, cheeky mandolin,
Vocals are Stella..
Well done
Sounds great here..
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How annoyingly brilliant @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) , when are you going to let the rest of us have a chance of having the best song on here for a while?! :)
Seriously, this is a really solid sound and those drums really cut through in the mix, adding a beefy rock dimension to something which could almost have been a ballad. It builds really well too, but then the cut away before the title line is a great execution of song dynamics. The ascending melody is also great and I have found myself that ascending melody lines are hard to pull off, often spoiling the mood in a ...well, moody song. But you did it and then sealed the deal with the descending pay-off line.
Much to admire here, including the great lyrics, so well done too to @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) for her assistance in editing or whatever. A stand out number indeed!
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Yeah man!! I really dig the sound of this! Is that a Uke? Whatever it is it sounds fab! Great stuff mate!🎶👊🏻🎶🙋🏼♂️😄
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A good start to a cold Sunday morning. Great words, well played and sung.
Keith
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@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253): thank for the kind words and re that bass note: yes you are an old fool ;D
@Sing4me88 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18817): thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, much appreciated! :-)
@Pompey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19204): thanks, glad you enjoyed the mandolin, it will take a while to figure out how to play it properly :)
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061): Thank you! If it feels familiar at first listen it can be that it is a good song or it could be I re-invented an existing one. Let us hope it's the first one ;D ;D ;D
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829): thanks a mill!
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653): Chuffed....such comments means a lot coming from you :-) :-)
@mikek (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20884): thanks! Some good suggestions re the lyrics. @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) also commented on the two 'away' but it did not disturb me enough to change it, guess I pay more attention to the music than the lyrics really
@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241): thanks for very kind words, very much appreciated!
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219): thanks for taking the time to listen and comment! :-)
@Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938): thank you!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274): very much appreciated (and I'll try to write less good songs in the future ;D ;D)
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481): thanks mate! The 'uke' is a mandolin ;-)
@diademgrove (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19135) : glad I could give you a good start! :-)
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You have such a distinct sound JB. I'd recognize it anywhere, which is a real compliment IMO :) Love the addition of the mandolin, but when
you morph so seamlessly into the electric guitar, it brings it to a whole other level :o
I love the lyrics in this one, and of course your signature vocals are amazing :o
This should be on the radio along with all the other songs you and Karen have produced :-*