The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ScottLevi on February 03, 2019, 12:22:47 AM
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Hey ya'll,
Hope you are doing well, there's some really exciting music and collaborations going on here from what I've been hearing - so trying to muscle my way back in whilst things are hot! :)
I posted an earlier version of this back in June. I often get frustrated at the lack of ability and determination to record and produce quality compared to creativity in ideas, and end up butchering a concept. When I listen I don't hear how the track is in reality, I hear how the track is in my head; replacing all the bum notes and muffled production with the clarity of imagination. I'm starting to come to terms that if I want others to understand the sound in my head is, I need to match it more closely within the recording.
Despite that there's still crap-loads of bad guitar playing and worse harmonica, but it's time to throw in the towel with this one and see where my efforts have led.
Lyrics held weight at the time of writing but I worry some of that intensity may have been lost during later takes.
Chorus
What do you see when you're looking at me
I keep looking in the mirror thinking what could I be
Your perception seems, so far wrong
And my perception doesn't, get along
So what do you see when you're looking at me?
I keep looking in the mirror thinking what could I be
Judgement, 'cos we're nothing alike
But I don't know why that means Im not right
Hatred, at the thought an the sight
And finally I see you in your true light
Severing the respect I once had
Doesn't matter what's true 'cos ya views are had
Dissapointed, at the world around
How we talk like we move whilst we stuck to the ground
Break
Chorus
Discrimination, is very alive
And it makes me feel like we're barely alive
Gut punch gut punch and you fare me to drive
and Watch whilst I veer off the cliff-side
Set up to fail, drained of hope
Acting like we're there whilst there's far to go
The ignorant don't wanna know
But the dark within can't help but show
Chorus
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I really like this one Scott :) It brings to mind "Last Dance With Mary Jane"(although totally different) which is one of my all time favorites, so you must be doing something right 8) I really like the lyrics and the way you sing them :)
We're all on a learning path when it comes to recording and producing, so keep on trucking 8) The song is great, and that's what really matters :)
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Hi Scott,
the chorus is strong and so are the verses. I'm not sure about the guitar break, it seems to belong to another song but I liked the harmonica.
I found recording and mixing to be a private affair with sound. Basically you can make as many mistakes as you want and nobody will know. I used that time to experiment and get to know the DAWs I used, the effects I had available and just messed about. It may not be the best way to learn but it was fun. Experimenting may help you realise the sounds in your head but it might also put some new ones in there. There's always times when you say "wow that sounds pretty good".
The song is strong, please ignore me if you disagree about the guitar break.
Keith
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I really liked this Scott. Your lyrics are always well thought out and intelligent. I liked the little guitar riff on the higher registers that you've got going down. The ambience was dreamy and had a sixties feel to it. I think your confidence in playing and singing has come on big time as well. It's great to hear another song from you Scott as I've missed your contributions on here :)
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Action-Packed lyric and a bit more folk-y with the guitar and vocal this time, I think. Still got your gritty realism that I really enjoy, though.
Keep up the good work, buddy! It's great having you around the place :)
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I found this quirky (that's a good thing). Bits sounded out of time although i'm not sure they were.... just sounded that way.
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listening a third time here.
your Talent is potent, it's raw
"Judgement, cos we're Nothing alike"
is a good insightful line.
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There a so many changes in there, musically.
It keeps me on my toes, at best.
inspiring stuff. for me.
other Folks might struggle more.
If you want others to gain access and to give you due,
there'll have to be some changes. I wouldn't know how to go About making those changes without losing the natural appeal.
Collaborations can be tiresome but if you're lucky, they can really help to it.
Keep 'em comin'!
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I think the intro is too long. I really like how the vocals just flow and the rhythm to them. Reading he lyrics first I didn't think i'd be into this song too much but listening to the song you've phrased them brilliantly. Good work mate.
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@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) Cheers for listening and the kind comments! Just listening to Last Dance now, what a tune and a great track to learn from, can put a finger on a any aspects that make that track more established.
@diademgrove (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19135) Aha thanks for listening and commenting, was worried the harmonica was awful (and cut big chunks out what were) so really nice to hear that. I get what you're saying about the guitar break; needs to be a break in that position but could've maybe integrated a little better.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Hey John cheers for the listen! You got it man tried to be a little more certain about the guitar and vocal, still got a way to go but good to hear there's progress! Trying to pull myself back in slowly but surely xD
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Heya Paul glad you liked it, you're right a little different glad the grit pushes through!
Great to be here! :)
@dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829) Cheers Greedo, on lack of theoretical and genre knowledge quirky is the target! Almost definately timing issues hidden in there xD Ta'
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) Thanks for the nice comments, means a lot coming from you! Do feel like some of the lyrics you've sent me in months past have really influenced my writing.
@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) Hey Kev cheers for the good feedback and suggestions! Aha I've been trying to do longer intros rather than just jumping in. There was originally harmonica coming in half way through which might've helped, but cut it out quite late so not to ruin the surprise later.
Thanks all for taking the time and making me feel welcome back. Hope to see y'all around more!
Scott.
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The progression of this works really quite well. The instrumentation and production is quite bizzare but i really like it. Got a unique sort of charm to it, the lyrics and delivery of said lyrics are the standout to me. Nice
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Another very original piece from you Scott. I like it... it's relaxed, a little off kilter to keep it interesting... it sounds "French" to me for some reason, like a chanson - not sure why! I thought the harmonica was a good touch and personally enjoyed the guitar break too, quite avant-garde. Good piece!
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Great concept and message - really like the lyrics here. And the more melodic delivery and folky production works well for me - when you don’t have drums I think that’s a really good choice and gives space to the lyrics as well.
Nice work!
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This tune has lots of energy energy, and lots of untapped potential.
The tune and vocals have a hook in them, which Is quite compelling.
Hints of Dylan in the tune
Clever lyrics, not sure about the guitar break, but an enjoyable listen.
Sandeep
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There is a lot in this Scott...I really like the phrasing of the lyrics over the chords, it makes for a great little tune. In general, the whole thing is quite loose but that´ll improve with time. It´s a really good song.
The guitar break seems out of place, maybe this is because it´s played solo without any backing. The rest is a great work in progress though.