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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ThomasThomas on January 30, 2019, 08:27:49 PM

Title: Take my hand
Post by: ThomasThomas on January 30, 2019, 08:27:49 PM

https://soundcloud.com/user-529584033/take-my-hand

Hi,

I just made a new song - if you would like to listen to it and maybe leave a comment, I would be very pleased.

Have a nice evening,
Thomas


Let me dream
let me be the lonely cloud in the sky
floating by

Don't tell me now
wait a bit, let time go by
let it fly

There's no goodbye
if silence keeps it out of sight
through the night

But I
I'm the stars and the moon
and the snow and its glow
don't you see me and see me

Take my hand and never let it go
 

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: mikek on January 30, 2019, 11:29:36 PM

i like this, a lot actually.  it has a very nice and calm feeling about it and the words move easily enough.  the melody is  very pleasing.

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: Martinswede on January 31, 2019, 06:32:20 AM

Hi!
Good song.

It's very hard to hear the chords but it sounds like it's played in E minor. The second time you sing 'don't you see me and see me' at about 2.52 you sing what sounds like Eb over a C chord. One might say  you sing the note E a bit flat, but it sounded really good when I substituted the C major chord to a C minor. Try!

Cheers,
Martin

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: Williamjohnsmith on January 31, 2019, 07:00:51 AM

I like this ! Reminds me of nick cave, kind of moody sounding.

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: kevysc on January 31, 2019, 09:26:24 AM

Nice slow pensive piece .... would benefit from a fuller production maybe?


Nice work, Kevin

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: ThomasThomas on January 31, 2019, 11:03:13 AM

Tank your for your comments!

Quote from: Martinswede on January 31, 2019, 06:32:20 AM

It's very hard to hear the chords but it sounds like it's played in E minor. The second time you sing 'don't you see me and see me' at about 2.52 you sing what sounds like Eb over a C chord. One might say  you sing the note E a bit flat, but it sounded really good when I substituted the C major chord to a C minor. Try!

Cheers,
Martin

The chords are like this, hope it makes sense: em G dm C (verse) - G cm G (ah-ah-ah) - G cm G/G7 F7 Bb (ah-ah-ah and take my hand...) - G F Eb D (ah-ah-ah descending, and lastly ending in G)

I think I like the verses to end in major, otherwise it becomes too gloomy, but I'll try it :D 

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: mickyplankton on January 31, 2019, 05:39:57 PM

Hi TT.

I'm liking this. Prefer the vocals higher in the mix. They are also a bit uneven.

Melodies and chord structures work. Potentially a really good song. Just needs a bit of work on the mix.

Cheers Micky

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: PaulyX on January 31, 2019, 10:02:02 PM

Hi.  To me this sounded like a decent demo for a good song.  For the full version though you probably need more variation in the production (more instruments or change the rhythm pattern of the keys or something) if you keep the length at 3:49, as I thought it got a bit repetitive towards the end.  Liked your voice a lot and that touch of ending the verses on the major chord.

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: pompeyjazz on January 31, 2019, 10:24:00 PM

Liked it Thomas. The Rhodes works very well. A little more attention to the dynamics and this could be transformed into a brilliant sounding piece. Liked it a lot

Title: Re: Take my hand
Post by: fischermans on February 02, 2019, 11:13:35 AM

Hello Thomas, sounds very good. Could be a grower. I agree with John for the attention to the dynamics.
Well done worth to work on further.
Alexander