The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on January 19, 2019, 08:34:38 PM
-
First song this year from myself and @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820).
As always, all feedback will be gratefully received if you find the time to listen and comment!
https://soundcloud.com/ashesfordreams/cut-you-loose
You know you're been unhappy all your life
Every win had edges hard as knives
Where I would compromise, you loved to fight
And happiness would lose each time to being right
You know I understand what lies beneath
Your reticence to even once concede
But though you fought the destiny that was assumed
You chose to play the role that damaged you
Cold, hard truth
I hereby cut you loose
No place here
Find somewhere else to be
Fragments of you scatter all around
Fragile once, the fall is now profound
I sometimes catch a glimpse of you before
Even though you don't exist any more
Cold, Hard truth
I hereby cut you loose
No place here
Find somewhere else to be
Music is my madness
It keeps me sane
It seeps out of my pores
Into my brain
And so I write these words
Onto this page
And there they stay
So I can wall away
-
Hey guys,
Very nice! (Your songs are always very nice!!🤪) Karen those harmonies in the chorus are Epic! And Johan, your little riffs in the chorus are perfect, especially as the chorus is sung quite slow...if u get my meaning?🤷🏼♂️😄
At first I wasn’t sure if the chorus worked, like you were trying to drag the lyrics out into that big wide space, but by my second listen that feeling had subsided. That opening line in the chorus is a fantastic hook! 😄👍🏻
One thing that did stick out a little Karen is the way you sing, “I hereby cut you loose” , it’s a great line and it’s in tune and all that...it’s just the rhythm of it...it’s like the bv’s are singing it one way and the lead another? (This is a tiny nit! I’m just not articulating myself very well!🤦🏼♂️😆) it’s obviously hard to write...I’ll try...i think the lead is singing🎶 “i-here-by-cut-yoooou-looooose.”🎶 ...bear with me...but it’s my humble opinion that it would sound better as....🎶”I-herebycutyooulooooose.” Jeez! Did that work? Or am I coming across as retarded as I feel?🤣 basically quicker.😄👍🏻
That’s all I’ve got though guys. I hope that helps, feel free to completely ignore me.😊🎶👊🏻🎶👊🏻🎶
-
Very nice...
Feeling the need to label things today, I am going to name this genre..Funkertock!
Great catchy chorus with the down down up first 3 lines (if I'm remembering it right)
Sweet vocals and the whole track's well produced.
Really like the funky riff in the chorus, nice additional hook. Only thing I might do is vary this riff slightly throughout the song.
Nice work both.
Yodasdad.
-
This is great @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) and @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) .It's got a fab alternative vibe with a wonderful funky riff. Top quality playing and vocals. Music is my madness. It keeps me sane. Well, I couldn't agree more :) Thought that the M8 was sensational with stuff dropping out and unexpected chord progressions. Excellent :)
-
Wow, well that certainly knocks yer socks off @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) and @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820). That semi funk rock guitar riff underneath the sustained vocal main melody, esp the chorus, is highly infectious and very powerful.
I like it that you have started this new year with real bite and a truly memorable tune. Well last time one of yours beat me into third place for Song Of The Month on here. With this one, if I even got close to you I would be so proud. Top tune, top performance even though I'm ever so slightly jealous of your incessant creativity and drive. Very good work, bless ya! ;)
-
Whato @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) & @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - Sounding really tight (as always), you have a gift of coming up with hooky licks, very talented duo.
Can't offer any improvements except bringing up the drums.
Top stuff Mr J and Mrs M
-
Hi Jambrains,
MoonoDB must be your gold singer, very nice vocal and great instrumental fulfilment.
Great stuff.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
-
Another top-quality song. You've hit a rich seam :)
Vocals have a lovely haunting quality. Harmonies are great. Really enjoyed the guitar work too.
Nothing to find fault with at all. Keep them coming...I'm really enjoying all your doing these days!
-
Congrats to both of you. I also really like the chorus guitar line and the chorus voice line.
Cool song well presented.
Alexander
-
I like this- your voice has real depth I think - quite haunting but really good
Well done x
-
Yes, for me that "American" guitarwork was the star. I did have the slight feeling that this one could go a couple of BPM faster (though then that guitar would be super fast...). Just a slight one though... Very nice all together.
-
I caught this gem on soundcloud a few days ago,man I love this. 8)
The two of you are perfectly musically matched. Johan's inherent rock vibes mixed with the Celtic soul of Karen's magic vocals and lyrics.
'Music is my madness it keeps me sane'. This is my life encapsulated in one finely worded sentence. I'm gonna hold on to this one.
So good it makes me weep.
Outta the park. 8)
-
Very strong and professional vocal. Love the production on this aswell, nice one.
-
Great musical talent on display here - beautiful lead vox and harms and the raunchy guitar licks work a treat to the ears. The production is pro level - love the use of the stereo field for interest. I found the chorus to drag a bit with the slow vocal lines - although you mitigate it a bit with the guitar work. Prob just a personal preference so ignore I said that if you like ;D ;D
Nice collab
Paul
-
Guys,
Another one out of the top drawer. Not my thing at all but I can hear that this is the product of a lot of skill, dedication and creativity. Cannot fault this - very powerful and a perfect combination of gritty backing and smooth vocal.
Awesome, dude
M
-
Yup, I gotta agree...total perfection :)
With Karen's rich vocal and thought provoking lyrics combined with JB's skill on the guitar and production, it's a win win combo :)
1st listen, the chorus seemed to drag a bit, but then I got used to it and it seems to fit somehow with the faster guitar behind it ???
Great work guys :)
-
Great singing, Karen. Love it. Dig the bass and guitar. Cool song. It's pretty flawless in every way.
Lynn
-
Guys,
You have a great sound, Love the riff and bass turnarounds....Vocals very nice and are a great contrast to the crunch guitars.
Well done.
Sounding great here
-
Lots of energy in this song.
Love how the guitars and vocals are along side each.
A really dark song, love the lyrics and the Cut you loose chorus bit really stands out.
Great singing and as usual excellent guitars.
A good listen.
Sandeep
-
Hi Jambrains & MonnoDB,
I was expecting a heavy rock song with the lyrics & intro but was pleasantly surprised with the funky guitar & bass riffs in the chorus. Very clever. The slow down during the bridge really works in adding contrast & I love the line about music keeping you sane 😁 aint that the truth.
The vocals are amazing as they are but whilst listening I had in my head a male rapping along in the background. Food for thought maybe.
Law
-
Lots of really good stuff here ... great vocals ( reminiscent of the Cranberries?), great guitar work and clever and original lyrics on the common theme. Love the bridge, gives nive variation and builds well.
Excellent, well done
Kevin
-
Strong production, singing, everything. Very clean production all around.
Love the melody. This has got a sort of Evanescence vibe mixed with a 90s grungy sound, which is super cool!
Great work with this!
Love the melody at "cold hard..."
-
Thanks @Mutrins (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20583) ! Going to take advantage of your bump to thank you and everyone else for listening and taking the time to comment. All gratefully received!! Really enjoyed this one and delighted with the feedback and those @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) riffs (and the rest!) are something else!!
K
-
Hey Jambrains, great to hear you rocking again :)
I really love the verses on this, they really move the song along at a great pace...fantastic melodies and a great lead into the chorus. I haven´t had the pleasure of hearing MonnoDB yet but she provides a great vocal...although I´d love some more melodies doubled up on that chorus, or even maybe a contra-melody. The guitar in the breakdown is low down and dirty just as I´d expect from you...all in all it truly rocks. Great stuff.
-
I would say this is a grower.
Great vocal
Love the little guitar licks.
Reminded me of The Smiths for some reason.
-
Hey y'all!
Read the lyrics first, and they're very cool. Comes across almost spoken-word with how they pull the tempo into short patterns - all the more exciting to hear how they'll sound set to music!
Damn really nice, melody on the first line got me straight away, very classy vocal and melody backed up by the deep driving groove of the guitar really creates a powerful, smokey atmosphere.
Great buildup and and momentum management overall, love the powerful entries of lines line "Fragments of you scatter all around".
Not much constructive from me here, great track!
Cheers,
Scott.
-
Very nice tune nice production and love your vocals
-
Quality Collab. The performance and production are excellent. Like Adam I felt it could have been a bit faster. I did find the flow of the vocal delivery contrasts well with the instrumentation although slightly at times I was wishing the vocal delivery would be sped up. The drums are top notch.