The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => The Bar => Topic started by: CaliaMoko on January 19, 2019, 03:21:07 PM
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Please help me with your prayers, thoughts, or whatever fits in with your beliefs. My husband had a serious stroke yesterday. Whole family is at the hospital waiting to see how he is. He is lucid, knows who we are, where he is and that "Vicki thought I was having a stroke." As for why he is here. I am almost unable to eat. My kids are taking good care of me. I got rest last night. I managed to eat a little. At least one of us is with him all the time. I'm not super coherent so this maybe all makes sense.
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Thinking of you all Vicki. Much love.
John
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Sending you love a well wishes Vicki.
Paul
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Love and prayers winging their way over the Atlantic
:-*
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Aw Vicki. :(
One of my bass playing mates had a stroke about 18 months ago and although he's not family,I get a little of how you must be feeling.
Hold on to the positives,that he is alive and lucid.
Look after yourself Vicki,you'll not be much use if you end up ill yourself.
I'll be thinking of you,be strong.
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Vicki you poor things - thinking of you and sending you all my positive vibes. Take all help offered and try and take care of yourself as you take care of those around you.
Hugs, Karen.
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Sending you lots of love, Vicki
Paul
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My thoughts are with you Vicki.
Bill
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Stay strong & sending all my good wishes to you all.
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Thinking of you Vicki. All the best wishes to you and your family.
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This is a thank you for the moral support. I need every ounce I can get.
For anyone interested in an update, this is what I know.
Stroke was caused by atrial fib condition that we didn't know he had. One chamber of heart quivers instead of beating. Blood pools, clots, get into bloodstream and eventually the brain where it blocks arteries.
Most of the right side has been damaged though not 100%. But a lot of damage. Probably won't regain full use of left side of body. He will make some progress though. He's gone from not recognizing the left side at to being able to point it out and sometimes even move the arm or leg. But not usually and not much. We have a lot of work ahead of us.
Speech and language are good. Speech is slurred but understandable. He knows everyone by name, including people he hasn't seen for awhile.
That's all I can handle reporting right now, but that's pretty much what I know.
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@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - hang in there Vicky. It’s amazing what can be achieved these days with the right interventions. My thoughts are with you.
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(((Vicki))) I'm so sorry. I will be thinking about you both, and am sending good vibes your way. If you need someone to vent to, pm me anytime.
Lynn
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I'm sorry to hear this Vicki.
Best wishes to you and yours.
May the force be with you all.
Yodasdad.
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Dear Vicki and Husband, This is a shocking time for you and He, for he knows what's going on, but he may not be able to communicate how he feels so well.
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - So sorry to hear of your husband, my Father had a stroke too, and it was awful to see him trapped in there. I know it depends on what damage has been done as to what he can do and understand, but there may be rays of light even so early afterwards...have a friend that works on a stroke ward in a really good hospital in Germany and there is LOTS they can do, I made the mistaken assumption that he wouldn't wouldn't get any better, I know you'll read up a lot and search the web, and yes you are right, it's hard work, an an emotional roller coaster. He is still the same bloke, his humour, his likes etc.
You have my moral and musical support, you might find quite a bit of solace in music Vicki, both listening to what others have penned about the same situation and expressing your own.
Keep strong, and I'd be interested to know how you are all getting to grips with it all.
Rich
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So sorry to hear, hopes and prayers and positive thoughts to you all. Geoff
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Somewhere in the depths our hearts are all connected.
Hope. Love.
Martin
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Hi Vicki, I was just in the car and heard this, and thought of You.
I hope it can bring some peace and sunshine...
Rich
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Thank you, Rich @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
It was a good choice to accompany my breakfast of a couple grapes and chunks of melon. Now back to the trenches to see how things are this morning. He's supposed to ready for a regular bed but the powers that be haven't found him one yet. Maybe this morning.
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We're out of the ICU and therapy has begun in his hospital bed while we wait to hear when we can get him into intensive therapy at the rehab facility here.
I'm not going to keep posting updates here, but I would be happy to share his caringbridge link with anyone who wishes to receive news of his progress
Oh one last bit. Yesterday he moved his left leg slightly, three times in a row, on request. Such a small thing and I got so excited.
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Thinking of you
Kev
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Thank you @RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) !
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I still think of you often and wish you and your family luck and courage. Keep a stiff upper lip, and know that many people here care.
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Thank you, Verlon. Moral support is surprisingly (to me) important. I regret not being more supportive to others in the past and hope I do better in the future.
Here I am, 200 miles from home, with no good idea when I'll be able to go home again. Living in someone else's apartment with all their stuff. But by myself because whoever lives there is away somewhere. I don't even know who lives there or where they are. (Yes, I have permission to live there) Riding Ubers back and forth every day. Spending most of my time at the rehab center. But getting out some.
And my computer is now broken so I need to brave the bus system (or spend more on Uber) so I can get it fixed so I can keep the bills paid.
This is a really big adventure, especially for someone who is not that into adventure.
Must be an album in this experience....
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Thank you, Verlon. Moral support is surprisingly (to me) important. I regret not being more supportive to others in the past and hope I do better in the future.
Here I am, 200 miles from home, with no good idea when I'll be able to go home again. Living in someone else's apartment with all their stuff. But by myself because whoever lives there is away somewhere. I don't even know who lives there or where they are. (Yes, I have permission to live there) Riding Ubers back and forth every day. Spending most of my time at the rehab center. But getting out some.
And my computer is now broken so I need to brave the bus system (or spend more on Uber) so I can get it fixed so I can keep the bills paid.
This is a really big adventure, especially for someone who is not that into adventure.
Must be an album in this experience....
Vicky, that sounds really hard and scary, to be going through this without the comfort and security of being in your own home. How generous of someone to let you stay, though. That's really amazing and I'm sure is really helpful.
I hope you got your computer fixed, and are taking care of yourself. I know you've been a caregiver before, so I hope you remember it's important to take care of you.
I hope you both get to go home soon.
Lynn
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We are pulling for you,Vicki. :)
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So sorry to see what has happened, Vickie. I send thoughts of hope for you and your family at a time when strength is needed to face it all. Prayers, faith and music to help you and never give up hope.
Love from
Marrianna x
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I'm sorry to see what has happened, Vickie. Stay strong and keep the love of music in your heart to help you through.
Love from Marrianna x
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@redrhodie
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061)
@Marrianna (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18880)
Thank you for your support!
I am meeting so many Uber drivers! A new experience...using Uber to get around. Taking a bus is much less money, but I have to walk 5 blocks from where I am staying, and it's been kinda cold for that. Plus, I'm having trouble working out the bus schedule....
One Uber driver gave me a guitar. :o It's an old cheap one from Sears, a Silvertone. It has nylon strings and no truss rod, but it sounds pretty good, actually. To my unprofessional ears, anyway. I checked the neck and it's straight. When I tune it, it stays pretty much tuned for an hour or so at least. So I've been playing in the common area at the rehab place once in awhile. I had to, you know, because the activity calendar has said music at 3:00 pm Wednesday all month, but they've never actually had any. It's been cancelled every week.
Roger keeps getting better, little by little. They have him doing walking exercises. He can't put his full weight on his left leg--it buckles--but they have him hold onto a rail or a walker, and they put an anti gravity harness on him, and away he goes. Slowly. I took a couple videos: https://photos.app.goo.gl/PdSMRjCkUUvvvqjr7.
He still has no movement in his left arm, but he has sensation and we're expecting movement to come eventually. Arms take longer than legs. I have learned a lot about strokes.
I got a really bad headache from stress. I thought I was doing well, managing my stress, but apparently my brain was hiding it from me. After a week of agony, I finally saw a doctor, got a pain-killing shot (about 50% effective, probably), prescription for a muscle relaxer to take at bedtime, and a physical therapy referral--all of which has been helpful--and I feel quite a bit better. I am also planning to take a little more time off than I have been and not feeling guilty when I do. And maybe I'll try to write something.
Thanks again to everyone who's been supportive. It means a lot to me.
Vicki
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Wow, amazing video. He looks like he's doing really well. What a great team effort.
Sorry to hear about your headache, but I'm glad you're taking some time off because of it. That was really sweet of the Uber driver to give you the guitar, and that you're able to fill the time slot because of it. Post a video of your set if you can.
Take care,
Lynn
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Hello Vicki,
Not been on the forum for a while, so had no idea what you and the family were going through. It can't be easy, and though i'm coming through a little later than all the good people on here, i wish you nothing but the best. A hug on the wind, blowing your way.
Vintage54
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It's a long road when you view the horizon,but if you take a step at a time it's amazing how that distance seems nothing,especially looking back.
Great to see Roger up and taking those first steps. Make sure you don't lose sight of your own welfare Vicki.
I'm glad it's a positive update. :)
Davy.
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I don't know how I missed this, but for what it's worth I am thinking of you Vicki and wishing your husband a speedy recovery. And like others have said, make sure you are taking care of yourself, too. It's easy to lose sight of that when you are worrying about others.
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Hey Vicki hope you and that old man of your are doing well you're both been help by the best of people, now that your old man is been taught how to walk again maybe when he ready he can try these dance moves, take care both
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Wow, amazing video. He looks like he's doing really well. What a great team effort.
Sorry to hear about your headache, but I'm glad you're taking some time off because of it. That was really sweet of the Uber driver to give you the guitar, and that you're able to fill the time slot because of it. Post a video of your set if you can.
Take care,
Lynn
One of these days maybe I'll get someone to take a video while I play. If I manage that, I will post it.
It's a long road when you view the horizon,but if you take a step at a time it's amazing how that distance seems nothing,especially looking back.
Great to see Roger up and taking those first steps. Make sure you don't lose sight of your own welfare Vicki.
I'm glad it's a positive update. :)
Davy.
I'm starting to notice time creeping up on me, as I have to make arrangements for what's next when he's discharged.
Hello Vicki,
Not been on the forum for a while, so had no idea what you and the family were going through. It can't be easy, and though i'm coming through a little later than all the good people on here, i wish you nothing but the best. A hug on the wind, blowing your way.
Vintage54
Thanks! I can never have too many hugs.
I don't know how I missed this, but for what it's worth I am thinking of you Vicki and wishing your husband a speedy recovery. And like others have said, make sure you are taking care of yourself, too. It's easy to lose sight of that when you are worrying about others.
Thanks, Jack. A recurring theme "take care of yourself"...some days I do better than others. At least my headache is nearly gone and, even when flaring up occasionally, is nothing like it was for that one horrible week. So I must be doing a little better than I was.
Hey Vicki hope you and that old man of your are doing well you're both been help by the best of people, now that your old man is been taught how to walk again maybe when he ready he can try these dance moves, take care both
Oh, great song! But he was never much interested in dancing, :(
Thanks for all the moral support. It is so helpful to me!
Vicki
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Hi Vicki,
Sorry I'm late to this - going through similar things with my brother unfortunately.
Hope your hubby is making great progress and that you are finding time to look after yourself .
Keep battling on and stay strong.
All the best.
Digger
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Just checking back in to let you know I (we) am/are still thinking of you. Take it one day at a time, and don't let any days gang up on you. It's all you can do.
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@digger72 : Thanks so much for your encouragement and camaraderie. Life isn't fair but it develops character, right? Looking after myself...yeah, some days better than others, but I think I'm doing pretty well over all.
@hardtwistmusic (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19215) : Thank you muchly. I've been doing pretty well at the one day at a time approach, although lately I've been feeling a little way behind and struggling to catch up. That's typical for me, though, so I try to keep reminding myself I always feel like I'll never get out from under when there's a lot of chaos and stuff to get done.
Roger is between inpatient and outpatient therapy since Friday and until this coming Thursday. We made it, all by ourselves, about 150 miles on Friday and are now in our temporary apartment where we will live for probably six months to start. I don't know what to expect. Roger will have evaluation/intake visits with physical therapy, speech therapy, and occupational therapy where we hope to get a better idea what we're in for on this second phase of recovery.
He's still in the wheelchair and, in fact, has his very own now. He can stand briefly with support, and his left leg is getting stronger, little by little. Rehab was having him walk with a walker and support for very short distances. He has also started to recover a little movement in his left shoulder. We know the arm and hand will be last to recover movement. And they tell us he will continue to recover indefinitely as long as he keeps working at it.
My headache mostly only hurts when I have a bad coughing fit. And I'm having fewer of those. They started when I was sick about three weeks ago, maybe four? Fever and hurt all over. Started coughing by the time I was better and have had an annoying cough ever since. Allergies keep it going. Coughing so much makes it hard to do any singing, so I haven't been much. At least I don't cough when I'm asleep and I'm sleeping well.
We really appreciate all the kind thoughts and moral support!
Vicki
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Hey VICKI
That is all really encouraging news and *touches wood* it seems like you have turned the corner on the recovery so onwards and upwards
We are all here if you need anything - and if you think writing would help YOU (don’t forget about you in all of this) then I am sure we can sort out a massive Collab to fill in the bits you can’t do at the moment
Thank you for keeping us posted on the progress - you are very much still in thoughts and prayers
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Hi Vicky!
I'm sorry to hear about what you have gone through lately! I'm glad that he is making progress to recover. Sending all my love and best wishes to you and your family!
Andreas
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Hey Vicki,
How are things going? I've been thinking about you and Roger, and have been wondering how he's doing?
Hope you're both okay.
Lynn
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@redrhodie ... I have a rant building, but I'll try to stifle it a little bit. I'm developing ideas about how things should be. Like, people are always admonishing me to make sure I "take care of yourself!" But they have no advice for how to do that. Facts of the situation: the guy who had the stroke needs to be fed, bathed, put to bed, gotten up, dressed, undressed, put in the car (which involves disassembling and reassembling and lifting a wheelchair in and out--sometimes multiple times a day), and reassured that he's not "more trouble than I'm worth".
Now, I'm happy to do all those things, but I can't keep going to bed later and getting up too early, and doing everything all day every day with no breaks. Six hours twice a week isn't much for breaks, as I am on call 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Except for those 6 hours twice a week.
Anyway, if I want to do anything that doesn't happen in those two six-hour windows, I have to ask for help. Asking for help is not a comfortable activity, so I mostly don't do it. What we need is an organization, some kind of social structure, that operates as a clearinghouse, or whatever it should be called. Some method I could use to indicate what I need where someone would see it and offer to help. Like, I want to go to a gathering of musicians on June 15, but I can't leave Roger by himself while I'm gone. So I post (if it's online) when I need help and what kind, and someone who is available responds.
Okay, enough of that. Overall things are going pretty fair. It's tough, but we keep going. He has recently started spontaneously trying to do more things on his own. And he asked the physical therapist about mowing grass and got clearance to try it on a riding lawn mower, as long as he stays on flat ground and goes slow.
As far as being okay, we have some days that are better than others, but we get through them. I'm trying hard to get back into more musical activities, which is, I think, somewhat successful and certainly helps my mood. An old college buddy I used to sing and play with has reappeared and wants to get together as much as possible to sing and play. We've already played for people twice the past couple weeks. He's coming for a serious rehearsal next week. He lives an hour away, so we can't get together very frequently. For Roger, if he can mow grass successfully, he'll feel better about himself, I think, as right now he tends to feel a lot like a waste of space because he can't do anything productive.
A woman, in the area here where we are living temporarily, asked me to join her for a gig she had (which was last night and was a lot of fun). It's an annual event and the person who usually plays with her was out of town, so I was the lucky substitute. That was even a paying gig. She took the bull by the horns and found someone to visit with Roger for the duration, so that was quite nice.
Roger continues to make progress with his therapy. And because of all the heavy lifting, pushing, pulling, etc, I have to do repeatedly, I've started working out while he's at therapy. I like being with him at therapy because then I know what he should be doing between sessions, but I'll have to let him take charge of that himself because I need the workouts.
It helps that we've gotten more or less settled into the apartment where we're staying for now and have developed some routines for getting things done.
So, that all probably much more than answers your question....hope I didn't overwhelm you. And thanks for asking! It helps me feel like I'm still part of the population of earth.
Vicki
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Hi Vicki,
That answers some questions, but I have to ask why there isn't a healthcare aid coming in to help? I assume you'd be doing that if you could, so that's not an option? I'm afraid I know the answer already. 😫
I started a new job recently, and my boss's son, who comes to keep me company while I work, has cerebral palsy and has been in a wheelchair his whole life, so I'm beginning to understand the mobility issues associated with that. Nate is small in stature and has a full time caregiver who is physically very strong and has been trained to work with him. I can see why you need to workout if you're doing this all by yourself. That must be so hard.
I'm really glad you got to gig last night. That sounds special. I hope things continue to improve. I won't say to take care of yourself. 😉 I know you're tired of hearing that. I hope someone takes care of you, offers to help, gives you a break. I'd come and sit with him if I was there. I enjoy doing that with Nate. You might think you're putting your friends and family out by asking, but I'm sure it's good for them to help. If anyone offers, take them up on it. They mean it.
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Hi Vicki,
That answers some questions, but I have to ask why there isn't a healthcare aid coming in to help?
Well, as it happens, I think there is good news on that topic. Things do not move quickly, and it seems like forever, but I believe we will be getting a home health aide once a week. It isn't final yet, so I suppose something could happen to botch it up (like someone deciding we don't really need it, maybe?) but it does sound pretty likely. So that will take care of one bath/shower a week. Assuming it comes to pass.
And this week, he finally got onto the whirlpool bath schedule at the adult day services center he goes to every Tuesday and Thursday. So that, assuming they remember to keep him on the schedule every week, will take care of another bath a week. I think we can maybe make do with sponging off the rest of the time, unless we have a messy "incident".
Things do keep getting better. And as he gets stronger, it will be easier all around.
By the way, I read through my post (the one before this one) just now and...I didn't realize how much of a rant it was. I guess my pressure was up and I needed to let off a little steam.
I'm finding moral support is very important, too. So thanks for checking in with me. It helps.
Vicki
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If it was a rant (I didn't see it that way), it is understandable. It sounds really hard. I hope there is some help coming. Bathing must be so difficult. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get the aide, and the weekly whirlpool bath. And of course that he continues to improve.
Please keep updating when you have news or need to vent.
Lynn
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Hi Vicki,
That answers some questions, but I have to ask why there isn't a healthcare aid coming in to help?
Well, as it happens, I think there is good news on that topic. Things do not move quickly, and it seems like forever, but I believe we will be getting a home health aide once a week. It isn't final yet, so I suppose something could happen to botch it up (like someone deciding we don't really need it, maybe?) but it does sound pretty likely. So that will take care of one bath/shower a week. Assuming it comes to pass.
And this week, he finally got onto the whirlpool bath schedule at the adult day services center he goes to every Tuesday and Thursday. So that, assuming they remember to keep him on the schedule every week, will take care of another bath a week. I think we can maybe make do with sponging off the rest of the time, unless we have a messy "incident".
Things do keep getting better. And as he gets stronger, it will be easier all around.
By the way, I read through my post (the one before this one) just now and...I didn't realize how much of a rant it was. I guess my pressure was up and I needed to let off a little steam.
I'm finding moral support is very important, too. So thanks for checking in with me. It helps.
Vicki
I think it so nice you have had so many lovely, encouraging messages of support amongst your fellow songwriter friends. To know people, friends and family are thinking of you helps in these terrible situations and so you can bask in all the comments you have received on this forum.
Being a songwriter who has gone through so much pain and now being a widow is beyond description of how I feel and the sense of loss. Although my posting about what i was/am going through has had many views, i haven't received many wishes, something which hurt me and left me wondering how this could be.
Now that I am feeling such loss, I read with gratitude the few wishes i received. I thought they were very kind, but there are people I praised about their songs but have been silent towards me. It hurts so much but must be the stuff of Social media. You have a charm in your writing, Vickie, which has rewarded you.
I wish you well and things go on improving for you.
with thoughts for you and anyone going through the pain I am going through.
Marrianna xx
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Vickie ..I read some of your rant today and you sounded exhausted. I hope you get the help and break you need.
Today, the space, that painful emptiness all around me willed me on to, not write a song or poem, but to prepare pots outdoors for planting flowers. I went out and bought some plants and am looking forward to planting them. It seems the person I was has gone and the passion for writing songs and music gone with me.
This is not me and would give anything to have the purpose back in my life which was caring 24/7 for someone I loved. Music I hear hurts, emphasizing my loss. I will plant flowers and watch them grow, bringing new life. That's all I can think of. I was once as exhausted but I am now lost without that feeling. It was proof of love for someone.
I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Marrianna
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Vickie
Thankyou for your pm.
Take care and thinking of you.
Keep strong
Marrianna xx
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Ah Vicki,times are hard for sure.
Thinking of you and hoping.