The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: LostBoy on January 14, 2019, 10:52:53 AM
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Hi guys,
Something a bit different from me on this one. I hope you like it. I had the title for ages and finally got around to writing it. It may or may not be about the crappy vending machine at my local swimming pool!!! That bugger owes me £3 and a stuck packet of Quavers!! RAGE I tell you!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
All thoughts are welcome, did I sell the topic enough vocally?? Is the mix ok? Lyrics?
Thanks very much as always...
https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/volcano
Lyrics.
Sometimes it feels like I’m losing myself
So tired of the battles that rage in my head
Can anyone offer a light in the darkness?
Can anyone show me how to close my mind
The pressure rises up to the surface
Can’t let go...want to though...volcano
Volcano...I’m better than that.
Sometimes it feels like the worlds in my face
Can’t reason with demons, they leap on my faith
Does anyone out there have the answer?
Can anyone show me how to free my mind
I’m trapped inside becoming an island
Can’t let go...want to though...volcano
VOLCANO...I’m better than that.
Volcano looming underneath
I keep fighting it, I don’t wanna lose control
So stop trying to make a mountain out of me
You can’t, I’m not gonna go volcano
Volcano boiling over me
I keep fighting it, I don’t wanna lose it all
So quit trying to make a mountain of a scene
Step back, I don’t wanna go Volcano.
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Whato @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) - I really dig your production, just when I think...."I'd do that" - then it happens...cool synergy.
With regard with the LVox I think it could come up a bit, and it sounds a bit dry, maybe a touch of plate verb, probably bung a microshift/harmoniser on the BVox. @3:03 Maybe something a bit bigger and wider on beat 3.
There is space for tiny little touches, things that would take a lot of time, like Depeche Mode would do...
Great Vocal line.
A wild solo gtr would erupt well, leaving the listener running for their lives and scared to death. Very nice work Leo...
Hope it helps
Rich
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Is all that passion for and angst really about a packet of quavers? Sounds like it's more like monster munch lol!
I really like the music progressions & passionate vocals. Great song.
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Mix is good to my ear.
Cool tune. I really like the way the first 2 lines of each verse kind of snake their way around that melody. Your delivery is patient, exactly what it calls for.
In the 2nd verse when you say becoming, that delivery seemed awkward. Maybe consider taking another tack on that somehow so it doeant stumble.
Not my genre, but very good I think
Oh, one more thought...
You could dial up that crescendo on VOLCANO even more on the 2nd time through the chorus.
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Awesome track @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481), very current in its style and production.
If commercial success as a songwriter and/or artist is what you're going for, which is something I think you're capable of achieving, I personally think this is the direction you should be going in.
To contradict that, from a personal listening perspective, I prefer your slightly more traditional and organic stuff like time machine and northern lights, but then I'm not your target audience if you're trying to break through in 2019.
The only thing that didn't quite do it for me was th 4 to the floor kick when it came in I'd have preferred something a bit more sporadic and dramatic there I think.
Still a great song well executed though 👍
Yodasdad.
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Great track well deserved from a great voice.
I'm only wondering if it could sound better if you use the reverb? or echo? on the voice more sparingly. Means only on one line or on one word for example on the word volcano. But I'm not sure.
Well done, very good song like it a lot
Alexander
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Great song and delivery - I really like the controlled angsty nature, it would have been easy to really let fly and I think that would have been a mistake. The pace is quite eerie and adds to the emotion and suspense.
The song concept is great - I like the "go volcano" turn of phrase.
The keys at around 2'18" sound a little too "nice" - I think they break the mood a touch, maybe something slightly more ominous could match better?
Anyhow, just a great offering from you, yet again.
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Hey Leo ;D . Happy New Year ;D
Another classy vocal and song. Some nice stuff going on in the background, gives a
real feel of something bubbling under the surface, and accompanies the vocal really well.
I thought the musical build was a bit 'shy', compared to the vocal....didn't quite get there for me ::)
Was left with a bit of an 'unfulfilled' feeling. Was expecting something a bit more dramatic around
2.00.....don't know what though ;D . Just wanted a bigger/louder eruption ;D ;D . maybe some
syncopated timpani/tubular bells might work.......don't know ::) . Not that it matters, it's a mighty
fine song as it is......just thinking out loud mate ;D
Loved it...
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Amazing vocal tone and delivery. I love the whole feel and mood of the song. The contemporary beat is spot on too. Good work dude.
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Cool departure for you and it was good to hear a darker side to your repertoire, letting your inner monster out!
I liked how it built mostly, except knowing your vocal prowess, I thought when the Volcano chorus came in at 2 mins it would explode into harmonies, which would be really powerful to my mind anyway.
I did like the dark synth undertones and quite menacing atmosphere created, and the vocal embellishments at the end were very cool and added another dimension.
Another piece of very solid work from you though, well done! ;)
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Yo Leo.
It's always good to see another song from you on the forum.
I dig the melancholy,almost underlying sinister feel on the first part of the song. A perfect picture of the mental torture hinted at in the lyrics. From around 2.12 on,when the song changes direction,I think it loses that darker vibe and goes a bit lightweight pop,which would be great if that's how it had started.
It's almost like there are two songs,that almost fit together and both of them are well up to your usual standard,but together they jar a little for me.
Anyway,everyone's a critic,right? :D
Just my opinion Leo,I hope I've not offended. :)
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I like the feel to this Leo. A bit of a departure from your usual songs. I'm getting a Dave Gahn feel to this at first. Like the dark synths. It does tend to go a bit more upbeat after that. I wasn't too sure if that worked on first listen but after listening again I think it does. Its sort of late Depeche Mode meets early Depeche Mode.
Vocals top quality as usual - Would we expect anything else
Tope work Leo :)
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Love the dark cello and bubbling synth sounds. They both create a distinct sinister feeling. Shades of seal here. Th production I say top notch and the song I sent equally good. Nothing to critique as far as I'm concerned. I was able Tom sit back and listen to you perform at your ver you best!
Paul
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@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) thanks Rich! Ha, whose got time for things that take a lot of time??🤣🎶👊🏻🎶 yes, there’s definitely more that can be done to it though I agree.👍🏻
@The Portrait Piano (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20602) haha!! Yep, Monster munch would def put me over the edge for sure!! Thanks! 🤣🎶👊🏻🎶
@mikek (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20884) Thanks Mike, I appreciate the feedback mate! 🎶👊🏻🎶😄
@yodasdad thanks for your really encouraging words mate! I do appreciate it.😄🙏🏻🎶👊🏻🎶
@fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014) thank you for listening and commenting mate.😄🎶👊🏻🎶
@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) Hi Adam, thanks mate, yeah I really wrestled with the second half of this track and although I LOVE what I stumbled upon with the arp, I too wasn’t sure if the sound of it fit, but I couldn’t find anything else that sounded better and in the end it just grew on me I guess. I figured this might be the “marmite” part of the track though.😆👍🏻
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@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) - Quavers every time, although I like em dotted.
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Leo,
Volcano - great title. Indeed a bit different, more moody and dark, which matches the lyrics. really like the trapped feeling of the 3rd verse.
Then for the second verse the, drums make it a bit more upbeat and dancey when the synths come in at 2.11
Cool
:)
neil
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Dude
As you know I have listened to this a few times. Very nice, dark in places, that loooooww, cello bass thing. Sounds wicked.
As always, top vocals on this, much to my envy.....
Its a winner here from AtticVibes Land.
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Some lovely lines in this Leo. I like the darkness of the lyrics (surprise surprise!!). Going Volcano concept is really good and original and I really like the ‘I’m better than that..’ line. As always, stunning vocals and really thewhole piece is beautifully put together. Fab stuff, @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) !
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A well crafted song.
As usual excellent vocals and I like the production a lot.
Cool lyrics. Only thing with the song title and the Quavers description, I thought there was going to be a big explosion at the end...... or a large build up of music towards the end of the song.
Whatever I expected.... was still a great song.
Sandeep
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@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620) thanks very much mate, yeah, the second half was a struggle for me and I’m not sure I got it right, but I just love that arp so much that I didn’t want anything else to distract from that and the vocal. These days less is more BUT I totally get what you’re saying and I LOVE massive cinematic songs like “Oblivion” by M83. I was also wrestling with the fact that the songs about NOT going Volcano...so maybe throwing everything in the mix at the end would have been a mistake?? Cheers buddy, I value your input!😄🎶👊🏻🎶
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@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324) @MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) Thanks very much guys!😄🎶👊🏻🎶
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) Nope, no offence taken mate.😄👍🏻and as I’ve mentioned the second half was a bit of a struggle, I loved the arp but wasn’t in love with the patch, tried loads of others but kept coming back to it as it cuts through the mix so well and doesn’t sound weird with my voice. Originally I just had more of the same for the second half, but after a 1000 listens I decided I quite liked it after all! Haha! Only 999 more listens to go for you mate!🤪🤣
Thanks for your honest feedback mate!🎶👊🏻🎶
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Ffs Leo! You set the bar ridiculously high and jump over it with such ease.
I agree with @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) re two-songs-in-one but on the other hand I like the change so...I guees it all comes down to your vision for this.
That said, nothing but praise from me pal!
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Hey LostBoy,
Great sound and idea. sound very sensible and artistic.
Well done man!
Thank you for sharing.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Amazing star-quality vocals and a great idea for a song. Sounded really excellent. The sort of thing I imagine I'd hear on the radio if I ever listened to the radio :)
I loved the start and loved the end too...I thought it maybe drifted away from me a little in between...but that's nothing that should concern anyone...I'm not really a contemporary popular music kind of misery-guts!
You should find a route into pop stardom...perhaps by getting a part in a tv show, banging a glamorous celebrity and "reluctantly" selling your story, or winning a talent show judged by people without any. It'd mean having the soul sucked out of you with one of those mini-hoovers they use to collect all the spit when you're having a filling done at the dentists, but think of the money...not the rapid descent into drink and/or drug dependence, obscurity and, ultimately, oblivion.
Better still...stick with us. We all love you :)
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Yeah ! Stick with us Leo :)
I just watched that film about Bros tonight. Has anybody else watched it ? It's scary, sad and unfortunately very real for those guys. I could not believe that those guys are 50 now and had their hits in 1988
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Hi Leo,
My first impression on reading the lyrics is that there are very few rhymes but once I hear to song, this matters less. Still, it loses impact for this. I thought your vocal was superbly delivered and the arrangement/production were absolutely spot on and very modern radio friendly. The song itself is good but it did leave me a little cold which I think is probably a reflection on my musical taste.
Strong piece of work.
M