The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on December 17, 2018, 09:08:19 PM
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Mix is driving me mad, vocally it's not exactly my back yard, I'm sick and tired of this one but all that aside I'm pretty happy with it ;D ;D ;D
All input welcome esp. re the mix
FIVE DAYS
I've been up
I've been down
I've been hard to live with
And a joy to have around
I've been good
I've been bad
You could have abandoned me
Thrown away all that we had
But each time you say
You need to get away
I give you a reason to stay
Five days of heaven
Five days of hell
I know that my darkness
Masks my light so well
Five days of reason
Five days of dread
Take my word for it
I meant what I said
I can’t drag
myself from my bed
It’s where I hide from my demons
When they get inside my head
But you need to see
And I need to feel
It’s a cycle I go through
But in the end I always heal
But each time I say
I need to get away
You give me a reason to stay
Five days of heaven
Five days of hell
I know that my darkness
Masks my light so well
Five days of reason
Five days of dread
Take my word for it
I meant what I said
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Love the piano sound in this, I think you've got it just right.
Some nice chord progressions too, especially in the chorus.
Am I hearin some Queen influence in this? I'm definitely getting shades of Somebody to Love and We are the Champions.
Really like the note in the vocal too.
low
I would perhaps have liked a little more contrast between the melody in the chorus compared to the verse, just to give it that 'WHAM, I'M THE CHORUS' moment, but just a minor point.
I enjoyed this. Oh and great piano by the way.
Yodasdad.
P.S. I liked the piano work.
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Lovely stuff, JB.
Mix-wise...listening at very low level on a MacBook...it felt like the cymbals in the verses came leaping out at me a little bit...no big deal, of course...just a thought.
Really like the song...your "lived-in" vocal brings out the emotion of the lyric very nicely...
A great listen :-)
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Lovely stuff Johan. The piano sound is just that bit different which really adds to the whole ambience of the track. The guitar solo is fab. Reminded me a little of Brian May's style :) Maybe would have liked a bit more volume on that. Nothing wrong mix wise imo. Love the way you got that low vocal note. That is a real swine to get right and to hold it as well is even more difficult. As always, a thoroughly enjoyable listen :)
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I find it nigh on impossible to crit your music..always so good!! always enjoy it...great song my friend!!! :) :)
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875)
Fine melody and unambiguous lyrics to accompany the excellent musical backing. I think that this song would benefit from backing vocals to give it a further lift. Overall, it is a very good song possibly the best that have heard from you.
Well done.
Paul
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Hi Johan
I haven't heard this yet, but I will as soon as I'm able, anything you do is pure magic
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Well JB you also know what I think of this but that fab low vocal deserves public appreciation! Oh and the rest of it! Love this one, no surprise there :-) !!
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I think this sounds great Jam! Nice big catchy chorus!! I LOVE the musical break and the decision NOT to do a bridge, it would be easy to try and ram one in there, but it doesn't need it.
The only tiny thing I wasn't crazy about was the drum fills towards the end of the song, from 3.38, they just distracted me a bit was all, which is probably not what you wanted.
Other than that, a fabulous song mate. 🎶👊🏻🎶😁
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I think this is one of my favs of yours so far, JB :) I've probably said that before though :) Really catchy melody and great chorus.
Love the lyrics and vocal delivery, and of course the production is spot on :) Sorry I can't be more help with the mix :-\
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Hi Johan
I dig the song, as you say, not your normal bag.
(listening on AKG K271 - so not the best I'm afraid) I understand your mix problems, to my ears it's all to do with conflicting frequency bands and postiion in the stereo soundstage, especially in the chorus, the conflict of the organ, rhythm guitar, they sound like they are merging together, then in the instrumental pre chorus it all comes clear when you move the guitars out to the sides a bit.
Personally I'd lose the electric guitar in the verses, and bring in a new instrument verse by verse. just the piano V1, add organ in V2, then electric guitar etc.
I'm surprised you found it difficult because your previous mixes have been pristine. Anyway here's a few ideas....chuck 'em out if you want...
Drums
Snare could do with a bit of verb or subtle echo. Sounds very dry.
Kick could come up tad, maybe tune it to the tonic of the song. I guess it has a comp on it but
Bass Gtr
Can't decide between dbx 160 or transient shaper to add punch.
LVox
A bit more or the echo ( I can hear it ...just) and plate verb
BVox in final Chorus
Maybe 2 or 4 ooohs, would add something different, and a crescendo to the whole thing before the solo piano outro.
You might benefit from either removing an instrument completely giving yourself more room, like the organ, or permanently swing it out a bit further to one side and chop off the offending conflicting freq from the thing nearest it...
Hope it helps...
Rich
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Well you are pretty good at writing choruses @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) , but this is one of your best! Bit of a mini epic this one.
I remember that Bowie did 'Five Years', another epic, yet using only a fraction of the calendar, you've still created a monster with this really engaging narrative and compelling melody. :)
Really enjoyed it, good one!
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A very clever composition and a deviation from your usual style.
Like this a a lot😀
I love pianos in ballads, so this really does it for me.
Great lyrics .....and I like this production.
A great listen.
Sandeep
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Hello Jambrains, very good song. I agree with Yodasdad, also hear the queen influence. I like the voice of yours very much in this. Fits very well. Only thing I'm not sure is if the drum in the chorus sites always right. But who am I ?
Well done had a great listen.
Merry Christmas Alexander
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Wow, what a brilliant vocal! I can hear the Queen influence but I can't hear that you've caused any copyright problems. I like the way you hold onto the notes and don't try to fit too many words in - less is definitely more. This has a stately feel as it progresses through the first class lyrics. Love the instrumentation and pace although the overall sound is a little too processed for my taste.
"I know that my darkness
Masks my light so well"
That is beautiful writing in my book.
Superb song.
M
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Yo JB.
Great singing on this,confident and accomplished.
Love the folk/rock vibe,it has all the hallmarks of a memorable tune,the chorus gives it a great lift. 8)
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The melody/prosody of "I've been up / I've been down" is great. It really suits "I've been good / I've been bad" as well. The only nit I have is: you have two unnecessary instances of the word "that". (1) "Thrown away all
that we had" and (2) "I know that my darkness". In both cases, drawing the previous word ("all" and "know") over two syllables would work really well. It probably doesn't matter to most folks, but I have an aversion to unnecessary wordiness. ;) You could say it's a personal problem. :P
Regardless, I like the whole thing; I think it works and sounds great.
Vicki
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@Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208): thanks! I see what you mean re the Queen references, interesting since I had no idea until you pointed it out, never was a big fan (a few really fab songs though)
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253): thanks man! Agree re the cymbals, they were one of the things I had trouble getting right in the mix
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269): thanks a mill! The 'suitar solo' was actually not intended to be a solo but rather just an instrumental break together with the piano hence the low volume.
@Shadowfax: thanks for the very kind words my friend :-)
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231): Thank you! There are some backing vocals in the chorus but they are perhaps a tad too far back.
@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820): thanks Karen!
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481): Thanks mate, I hear you re the drums but you know how much I love busy drums.... ;-)
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947): Thanks Suzy, good to hear from you!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308): some very good input, thanks a mill!! I'll look into the drums, think the snare lost a bit ambience when I backed off the OH/room channels trying to tame the cymbals.
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274): Thank you for taking the time to listen and comment! :-)
@Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528): Thanks! :-)
@fishermans: thanks you. The drums indeed sit, whether it is to ones taste or not is a completely different matter :-)
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653): Wow, thanks a mill for the very kind words, eps re the vocals, means a lot coming from you.
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061): thanks pal! :-)
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928): interesting, I never really pay attention to the lyrics at that level, I usually tweak them to fit the melody. Food for though indeed, thanks!
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - that's cool man, btw my daughter always tells me that I play the drums like a lead guitarist...It burnt into my mind as it's true, always doing lots of stuff, I try to play it like a drummer.
Rich
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Wow,
Lots to like here. Good lyrically and melodically really catchy.
Lovely piano without going over the top
Good musical middle 8
Good outro.
Just waiting, and waiting for that solo? :-(
Our very own Jim Steinman!
:)
neil