The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MonnoDB on December 16, 2018, 08:20:37 PM
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Hi All!
It's taken me an age to get this one out the door - not sure why.. It's a simple 1+1 (well and BVs).. All feedback welcome.. pick it apart please. I'm happy to do retakes of both parts .. I'm publishing now as I know I'll go around in circles until I have a version live. I thank you in advance :)
Karen
https://soundcloud.com/monnodb/every-path-1
Not fair, I shout inside my head
As I hear your news and sense your dread
The harder you try to fake the ease
With which you throw your words at me
The stronger my muscles tighten
The battle ground was laid before
You took your stance with ever more
Than the dignity that I can find
I'm mute of words, blank of mind
Cos I am really frightened
We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us,
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
Cos we are here
Every path will be paved
With all our love which we will save
For every encounter, every day
We get to hold your hand and say
We'll walk this road beside you
But that's no use to ease the pain
That grows in force as it turns again
To ravage you, and all you've built
While those who thrive are wracked with guilt
Cos only luck divides us
We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
We are here, we are here,
We are everywhere you want us,
Anytime you need, we'll take your lead
Cos we are here
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Heartfelt lyrics Karen and I think you have captured it brilliantly. For me this is the perfect way to portray a song like this as it's raw and full of emotion and works so well. The gaps just add to the whole effect of the song like you've got 3 seconds to get yourself together and come up with all the answers. A song of the highest quality and a song to make you cry. Wonderful @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
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Hi Karen
Beautiful voice, the song works very well in its simplicity, and has some nice lines in the lyrics, and the parts with the backing vocals make your voice sound even better.
Cheers, Mikey
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So nice to hear a new 1+1 from you Karen :) I'm always compelled to listen several times. It's a gorgeous melody and very catchy chorus :)
I really like the way you pause, and then carry on...it's become kind of a signature of yours...which is a good thing, because it's very effective :)
Your piano playing is stellar, as are the vocals and of course the poignant lyrics :)
Loved every 2:42 minutes of it...could have been longer, but sometimes short and sweet is the way to go...something I have yet to learn ;D
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A beautiful song and presented so well..for me, the gaps were just too long but hey..no biggie :)
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Love what you've done with this one. BVs really good too. I can see why you might be unsure but this song has its own unique DNA and I loved it the way it is.
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Really good moody piece... Voice suits it perfectly... I just somehow felt that it fell short of being awesome and had to settle for very very good. Couldn't say why though...all the ingredients are there...
Really enjoyed it anyway!
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This is quite a poignant song Karen, there's a heavy seriousness in the lyrics that you have approached with delicacy and subtlety, but with power too. The first stanza vocals are very fragile, but then overtaken by punchier output that carries the defiant attitude of the narrator well - and the helplessness of 'only luck divides us', wow what a line!
The 'we are here' chorus is almost cheery, by contrast to the rest, yet somehow feels like mock cheer, as the narrator tries to support the subject character of the song.
With such long verses it seems you have just gone for two choruses. Not many for the listener to catch the hook, but I naturally wanted to go back to listen again anyway. Maybe after your final piano flourish you could somehow repeat 'we are here once or maybe even twice' to seal the deal? Just a minor thought, but I really enjoyed this, long pauses and all. A very moving, lovely song.
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Wow.....what an amazing song.
I love piano ballads, your vocals are amazing. Such amazing production.
I like the pauses...
Truly inspiring.
Sandeep
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Karen, you already know what I think of it but I must cheer in. LOVE IT ;D
And yes, I agree, a tad short...
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Niiice!
I don't think there's much I'd change about this.
I might ever so slightly brighten the piano and maybe add just a touch more reverb to match up with the vocal..which by the way was stunning.
Loved the chorus!
I wasn't a huge fan of the pauses in between the sections, but then I can't say I've really listened to much folk this may be the done thing.
If you do change this song, don't change much, it's pretty muxh spot on as it is.
Yodasdad
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - Really dig this, Love the pauses, really adds to it, also love the choice and qty of BVox, very slick indeed.
Piano and Vox, hmmm, leaves one really exposed, performance and production wise.
My only ideas would be..
1. A more fuller tone piano (I don't know what you used, it sounds great but a bit bass light), the Vocal range is more towards the mid to upper range, so the bassier tones of a bigger piano might work to balance out the frequencies, and as Yodasda said a tad more verb on the keys, as a guide go up till you notice it, then pull it back a couple of dB. The type of verb is also crucial.
2. As you have made pauses a positive and deliberate feature, maybe stop it dead @ 2:20, the slowing of the keys kind of contradicts the skilful use of pauses, and waters down their punch, as it were.
Just an idea....
Hope this helps
Rich
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Thanks all for listening and taking the time to comment - I really appreciate it..
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986) @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) @PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) @Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) - thanks a mill.. such lovely comments.. thank you so much..
THe pauses are dividing opinion :)!
@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) thank you - yes it is definitely short. I actually doubled the initial chorus already and it's really got 4 verses but they kind of hang together in pairs so I couldn't see a natural way to lengthen it so I kept it short.. interesting point re repeats after the final piano.. I'll stick that in the melting pot! Thanks!
@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) - yes, short it is.. and thanks again for the background "sounding" and steering...as you know, this one almost ended up in the bin!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) - thanks so much for the detailed critique... Hmmm re piano - I'm using Logic presets .. this is a Steinway but I haven't given much thought about it tbh - I'll have a look into it.. thanks so much. Interesting re the dead-stop too.. I will play around with that..
Again my thanks all..
K
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - Hi Karen, I thought it was a Steinway sim, most folks default to that if it's available, you might be able to get around it with a plugin like Waves MaxxBass or LoAir.
Regards
Rich
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@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) Rich - thanks a mill for the advice.. Haven't used plugins outside of Logic before but I'll have a look at that.
Much appreciated!
Karen.
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Hi @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) - It might be worth it, Waves get rather mixed reviews, as a lot of them try to emulate old analogue, very desirable gear, but they are very good at what they do, imho.
They sell most thing at $29 each (which is an absolute bargain) at various times of the year, so it pays to wait. Pluginboutique is a good place to get plugins.
Sometimes there are some very good deals available from most of the notable Vendors like Eventide, UAD, Fabfilter etc.
You can get 10% off Waves with this discount code yny23
Regards and happy christmas Karen.
Rich
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Hello MonnoDB, when I hear a piano line I'm sad because I only play guitar but I'm also happy to hear this wonderful notes. Love this song. Very very very good singing. Love your voice and what you are doing with it on this one.
Would be great if a chorus of many voices comes in at the end for the last chorus. Thats what I'm hearing.
Thanks for this
Merry Christmas Alexander
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Thanks so much Alexander @fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014) for your lovely comments! Fröhliche Weihnachten!
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) - again thank you for the pointers. Much appreciated! And I too wish you a lovely Christmas!
Karen.
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Hi Karen,
This is beautifully, naturally and sympathetically sung rather than the relentless, hectoring full-volume-at-all-times over emoting that plagues most modern female pop singers. I could listen to this all day but 30 seconds of Florence and The Machine and I'm climbing the walls!
The pauses are an issue for me and the piano sound is a little thin but otherwise what a cracking song and performance. It's too short so maybe a subtle little guitar solo somewhere in there could have taken it to over 3 minutes.
A lovely thing indeed.
M
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I'm listening as I write. The hair on my arms is standing up. That is a good thing. Holy crap, this is beautiful and intense. I don't have any criticism so far. Oh, it's over. Yeah, it may be too short. But maybe not. It's great, Karen. Really, really beautiful.
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Hello,
You are a very beautiful voice and the song is very beutiful too, with moments of very strong tension (for esemple at 1 ' 35 -- ' 45 = I adore). You express yourself with simplicity and efficiency both at the piano and the voice. I am so under the spell that I have nothing constructive to say, sorry...
Very good job !
IS
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@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) - hmm yes, the pauses are love/hate things as is the length. Thanks for the pointers and for the listen and the rather nice comments..
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) - wow!! I thank you so much! You are very kind!
Y
@Inanité_sonore (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22286) - also thanks so much for your lovely comments... I am delighted to read them..
K
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Yo Karen.
I totally dig the sparse sound of a heart laid bare. This song is starkly beautiful,raw emotion in music form.
Some fine talent on show here,well done you. 8)
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Lots to like hear,
Good tune, intriguing lyrics and really catchy chorus
I like your singing especially when you're singing quietly, you draw the listener in. Effective BV's
Thoughts: I thought the gaps between verse and chorus, and the chorus to verse were too long imho. I also thought you should repeat the last chorus. Its a great chorus dont underplay it.
:)
neil
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Hey! A quick post to thank @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) and @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) for taking the time and your comments.. Neil - the gaps definitely have not been universally appreciated :)! Interesting suggestion re the chorus..
Thank you both!
K
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I love piano vocals generally & this one is very well done. Powerful heart felt lyrics & the pause adds to the emotion.
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I like this a lot. The melody is very nice and the vocals are lovely, with tasteful, lilting harmony.
Do you have a compressor on the vocal? You may want to tinker with squishing the lead vox a bit and notch out one slightly displeasing frequency in the upper spectrum of the eq....just to slightly soften things a touch.
Excellent
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820)
Beautiful recording. A very emotional song that is sure to connect with many people. Charming vocals.
Paul
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Wow! Karen, that was stunning mate! I’ll be listening to that again. Lovely fragile vocal in the verses! I love the pause before the second verse aswell. It’s these little touches that take a good song and make it great imo. Very well done mate.😄🎶👊🏻🎶👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻
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Hi Monno,
I really love music like this tracks is. Piano and lovely vocal … mmm all its need … tasty!
Great work! Thank you for sharing.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Hi MonnoDB!
I listened to the song yesterday no my laptop, but the speakers are busted so I paused it. It might be the early morning, coming in from a smoke and coffee, freezing outside, I put on my good headphones and listened two times in a row. A warm embrace.
The song is quite simple, but the performance is nothing but simple. Moving to say the least. In a way it saddens me, breaks me down. But it's worth all that pain.
Have you tried playing/singing it a whole note lower? Your voice sounds just a little bit airy to me.
Thank you for this song,
Martin
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Quick post to thank you for your lovely comments @SlavaB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19895) @Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) @The Portrait Piano (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20602) @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) - much appreciated.
@mikek (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20884) only the compression in a logic vocal preset. I tend to use volume automation apart from that but I’ll look at EQ - thank you!
@Martinswede (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20851) hmmm lower you say? I’m much more comfortable in my lower register and the chorus is high so it’s an interesting suggestion - I wrote it in that key (actually originally to a completely different set of chords) and never even thought of changing! Thank you!
K
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lovely song, soothing
Well done