The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: crystalsuzy on December 16, 2018, 04:05:13 AM
-
It's been awhile, but I have been working on a few new songs. I'm not sure if this one works or not, so any feedback would be much appreciated. Does breaking away form the song format for so long, add or take away, and does the guitar solo add anything to the song? I know the vocals need some work, but how does the mix sound? Thanks
This may be the first of a series of Circles of Insanity songs :)
https://soundcloud.com/crystalsuzy/the-circle-of-insantiy
Robotic voices on the telephone
Driving me crazy in this cyber zone
Is anyone real; or are they automated clones?
Endless loops turning, me into stone
Fallen down this rabbit hole all on my own
The circle of insanity runs thru humanity
Like a failed experiment, gone horribly wrong
Algorithms control our lives
Cyber threats with no alibi
Information overload is how we survive
What’s fake or real, is hard to decide
Cause looking at a screen; not into human eyes
Makes it very easy to lie
The circle of insanity runs thru humanity
Like a failed experiment, gone horribly wrong
A list appears on the touch screen door
The smart fridge tells you what to buy at the store
The vacuum starts itself to clean the floor
The lights turn on when you walk in the door
And the coffees ready, at half past four
No chores; anymore
We don’t have to think anymore
Smart meters, smart phones, smart fridges,
Smart cars, smart watches and smart TV’s
So many gadgets, so many gimmicks
Making our lives so easy
Are our homes no longer dumb?
Can we finally have fun?
Smart devices get things done
Or, has this war just begun?
:Are robots taking over:?
We know everything you do
Big brother is watching you
The circle of insanity runs thru humanity
Like a failed experiment, gone horribly wrong
-
This is outrageously brilliant, epic lyrics and so so right, we've just moved back to the UK and everytime you wanna talk to someone your on an automated line with a robot saying..we are experiencing a lot of calls at the moment so you will have to wait about ten minutes..it's just a way of getting rid of you though..
back to this fab song...the guitar solo could be there ..or not, for me it should be there, i liked it, but the song wpould still be epic without it..
the vocal just needs a bit of lining up maybe but again, the song would still be epic if you left it as is..
prodigious talent on show here... :) :) :) :) :)
-
Love it, like the smart fridge line, very clever lyrics.
You have definitely created your own sound, like the metal solo, nice touch.
And the mayhem at the end.
Rich
-
Whoa - just what the doctor ordered, a little bit of @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) insanity :D :D
As always so creative and out there - I just love it. Great lyrics and topic and quite the trip and journey but I would expect no less from you.
Epic is right - and I love the solo!
K
-
Brilliant to hear another new tune from you Suzy. This is epic in so many ways. I love the way that you break out from the conventional and the fact that you are breaking all the rules is brilliant. Loved it :)
-
Delightfully crazy, some clever lines in the lyrics too
Cheers, Mikey
-
This is outrageously brilliant, epic lyrics and so so right, we've just moved back to the UK and everytime you wanna talk to someone your on an automated line with a robot saying..we are experiencing a lot of calls at the moment so you will have to wait about ten minutes..it's just a way of getting rid of you though..
back to this fab song...the guitar solo could be there ..or not, for me it should be there, i liked it, but the song wpould still be epic without it..
the vocal just needs a bit of lining up maybe but again, the song would still be epic if you left it as is..
prodigious talent on show here... :) :) :) :) :)
LOL! That's exactly the kind of thing that inspired me to write this song ;D thank you so much for starting the reviews out on such a possitive note...I'm truly humbled. I honestly wasn't sure about this one, cause the only person I'd played it for, thought it was all over the map, but then they're fairly conservative :) I know what you mean about the vocals soundly slightly out of sync in some places, so I'll fix that.
Thanks again Kevin...means a lot coming from you :)
-
Hi Suzy, nice to see you back and producing so creatively.
This chorus is outrageously catchy. Your lyrics as ever capture a sideways view of the world, but reveal real truth and great social comment!
I would call your songs 'Songs Plus', cos you always seem to add these epic extra movements that are something away from the main themes of the original structure. A bit like in a musical or opera!
So you ask in the intro do you stray too much from the main theme? Well this is kind of your signature style and I think your listeners will always expect something a bit more unconventional from you, it is all part of the joy of taking the crazy journey though your entertaining songs. So it all works for me anyway!
I really liked this - and SO nice to hear a new original track from you! ;D
-
Hi Suzy, the lyrics are right on the money. It has a bit of a bonkers coming together of ideas! Interesting, with some great changes in the tempo, arrangement and feel.
Nice one
Jamie
-
Great piece of work Suzy.
For me how you merged the music with the many sound affects was the cleverest part of the song. The song is like opening several chapters in a book and then walking through it fast-time
The lyrics are excellent and very clever. I liked the guitar solo, I think it adds to the complex web that you have created.
Enjoyed this
Sandeep
-
Great lyrics and a superb insight into the screaming modern life horseshit that we're all currently obliged to drown in.
There's always a really impressive intelligence behind your songs and a uniqueness that always sounds completely natural...which I think would be impossible to carry off, were it not absolutely genuine.
This couldn't be anyone else. I always love hearing from you. It's always a treat.
-
Yep, it's a Crystalsuzy track...Fo Sho!
Great choice of topic and well delivered, to the point without being too preachy.
Really catchy chorus.
I wasn't overly keen on the 'we don't have to think anymore' section on my first listen, although I thought the lyrics were important to be included. It has grown on me with subsequent listens though. I'm not sure how I might do it differently, or even if I would anymore.
It's a stop and thinker for the cyber generation, sleepwalking into the singularity.
Yodasdad
Press 1 to repeat this message.
Press 2 to ignore it and move on.
Press 3 if it is too much effort to decide and you would like me to do it for you.
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947),
Unique and thoroughly engaging. I would have said that the title was awful but after listening, I was wrong. It compliments the quirkiness of this super song.
Quality
Paul
-
Love it, like the smart fridge line, very clever lyrics.
You have definitely created your own sound, like the metal solo, nice touch.
And the mayhem at the end.
Rich
thanks so much Rick, glad you liked it :) thanks for recognizing the "smart" lyrics ;D ;D I think there could be even more mayhem at the end :o
-
Whoa - just what the doctor ordered, a little bit of @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) insanity :D :D
As always so creative and out there - I just love it. Great lyrics and topic and quite the trip and journey but I would expect no less from you.
Epic is right - and I love the solo!
K
Hey K, nice to cross paths once again :) I glad you liked the insanity of this song :o I'm going to gave to post a song that is completely normal, just to prove to myself that I can still do it :) thanks for your kind words and I love your new one as well :-*
-
Brilliant to hear another new tune from you Suzy. This is epic in so many ways. I love the way that you break out from the conventional and the fact that you are breaking all the rules is brilliant. Loved it :)
Thank you John for giving me some confidence about how I put my songs together :-* Sometimes I really don't know if other people will like my songs, and I certainly don't expect that everyone would, but it's nice to know that some do and appreciate their randomness 8)
-
Delightfully crazy, some clever lines in the lyrics too
Cheers, Mikey
thanks, Milkey :)
-
Hi Suzy, nice to see you back and producing so creatively.
This chorus is outrageously catchy. Your lyrics as ever capture a sideways view of the world, but reveal real truth and great social comment!
I would call your songs 'Songs Plus', cos you always seem to add these epic extra movements that are something away from the main themes of the original structure. A bit like in a musical or opera!
So you ask in the intro do you stray too much from the main theme? Well this is kind of your signature style and I think your listeners will always expect something a bit more unconventional from you, it is all part of the joy of taking the crazy journey though your entertaining songs. So it all works for me anyway!
I really liked this - and SO nice to hear a new original track from you! ;D
Thanks Micheal, it's good to be back and creating again :) Thanks for the kudos on the chorus. I like the 'song plus' idea...is that a new genre? ;D
I guess you're right, my straying from the main style of a the song, has become somewhat of my signature. I keep threatening to post something
more conventional, just to prove that I can do it, if I want to ;D
I'm so glad you enjoyed this track :)
-
Whoa - just what the doctor ordered, a little bit of @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) insanity :D :D
As always so creative and out there - I just love it. Great lyrics and topic and quite the trip and journey but I would expect no less from you.
Epic is right - and I love the solo!
K
Hey K, nice to cross paths once again :) I glad you liked the insanity of this song :o I'm going to gave to post a song that is completely normal, just to prove to myself that I can still do it :) thanks for your kind words and I love your new one as well :-*
Indeed it is good to see you again @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) :) Look forward to hearing more from you! K
-
Hi Suzy,
It's sooooo good to hear something new from you - what a refreshing experience. This is one of your strongest songs so far with clever, detailed and densely constructed lyrics. The highest compliment I can pay this is that it reminds me of Joni Mitchell around the late 70's and early 80's together with a dash of Kate Bush here and there. Guitar solo is fine but not essential. Can't hear anything wrong with the vocals. Having heard it a few times I have decided that it is officially the best thing you've ever posted on here.
M
-
Pie - on - ear
-
Yo Suze.
The ideas packed into this one track would do most people for about a dozen songs! ;D
Highly original and highly entertaining. 8)
-
Hi Suzy, the lyrics are right on the money. It has a bit of a bonkers coming together of ideas! Interesting, with some great changes in the tempo, arrangement and feel.
Nice one
Jamie
Thanks for listening and I'm glad you appreciate the lyrics and the bonkers-ness of this song ;D
-
Great piece of work Suzy.
For me how you merged the music with the many sound affects was the cleverest part of the song. The song is like opening several chapters in a book and then walking through it fast-time
The lyrics are excellent and very clever. I liked the guitar solo, I think it adds to the complex web that you have created.
Enjoyed this
Sandeep
Thanks so much for your supportive comments Sandeep :) Thanks for the kudos on the lyrics and I like the idea of walking
through a book fast time :D
-
Great lyrics and a superb insight into the screaming modern life horseshit that we're all currently obliged to drown in.
There's always a really impressive intelligence behind your songs and a uniqueness that always sounds completely natural...which I think would be impossible to carry off, were it not absolutely genuine.
This couldn't be anyone else. I always love hearing from you. It's always a treat.
I'm very humbled by your comments Paul, especially coming from you, cause I really appreciate your insights into some of the bullshit that we
have to endure in modern society :o Comments like this inspire me to continue in my madness to keep the creative flow going, so thank you again, for your kind comments :)
-
Yep, it's a Crystalsuzy track...Fo Sho!
Great choice of topic and well delivered, to the point without being too preachy.
Really catchy chorus.
I wasn't overly keen on the 'we don't have to think anymore' section on my first listen, although I thought the lyrics were important to be included. It has grown on me with subsequent listens though. I'm not sure how I might do it differently, or even if I would anymore.
It's a stop and thinker for the cyber generation, sleepwalking into the singularity.
Yodasdad
Press 1 to repeat this message.
Press 2 to ignore it and move on.
Press 3 if it is too much effort to decide and you would like me to do it for you.
Thanks Yodasdad for your kind comments :) I'm glad it didn't come across too preachy, cause that certainly wasn't my intention...it's just an observation from my humble perspective :) I wasn't sure about the 'we don't have to think anymore' section either, but it does kind of grow
on you after a few listens, which may not be a good thing, if people don't go back for a 2nd listen :D
Glad you thought the chorus was catchy...a catchy chorus is always a bonus 8)
LOL on the Press 1 2 3 :D
-
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947),
Unique and thoroughly engaging. I would have said that the title was awful but after listening, I was wrong. It compliments the quirkiness of this super song.
Quality
Paul
thanks for the kind comments and your observation regarding the title, Paul...that's one I never would have thought of, but I'm happy you thought it suited the song after listening :)
-
Hi Suzy,
It's sooooo good to hear something new from you - what a refreshing experience. This is one of your strongest songs so far with clever, detailed and densely constructed lyrics. The highest compliment I can pay this is that it reminds me of Joni Mitchell around the late 70's and early 80's together with a dash of Kate Bush here and there. Guitar solo is fine but not essential. Can't hear anything wrong with the vocals. Having heard it a few times I have decided that it is officially the best thing you've ever posted on here.
M
WOW, M! Thank you for your very kind review...I'm humbled :) Joni and Kate! Two of my favs for sure :-* I wasn't sure about this one, so you've made my day and boosted my confidence, so thank you :-*
-
Hi Suzy
Another fun scary song from you!
I mean scary in the lyrical sense if you know what I mean :D Robots taking over and what-not.
Lots of mad twists and turns holds interest for 4 mins
Good work from the left coast ;D
Paul
-
Yo Suze.
The ideas packed into this one track would do most people for about a dozen songs! ;D
Highly original and highly entertaining. 8)
Thanks for taking a listen Skub :) I know I tend to pack a lot into a song, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not ???
Sometimes less, is more ;D I'm glad you found it entertaining and original :)
-
Nothing useful to add, just wanted to chime in since I thoufhr this was cool.
The VU meets Cat Power is the ballpark I 👂
You have a lovely voice
-
Hi There - from the title I was half expecting something *really* challenging but what I got was the usual great commentary and insightful lyrics (love the line about looking at a screen and not into the eyes, it's easier to lie) and a really catchy song.
Your vocals sounding great too and really suit the production and the theme!
-
CS,
Liked to the intro and into a neat verse and then the tempo change for the chorus. Smart lyrics as ever.
Then we go off on the AI alien rap and phycodeletic solo, which I thought was absolutely fab :-)
The production and vocals are so much more confident. No issue with structure either, it works for you, go with it.
Cleaver, fun and catchy.
Kept my attention throughout.
:)
neil
-
Hi Suzy
Another fun scary song from you!
I mean scary in the lyrical sense if you know what I mean :D Robots taking over and what-not.
Lots of mad twists and turns holds interest for 4 mins
Good work from the left coast ;D
Paul
Sorry I didn't mean to scare you Paul ;D ;D And I don't really think robots are taking over...at least not yet :o :o
With all the ADD out there, it's hard to keep anyone's interest for more than 2mins, so glad it kept yours for 4mins ;D ;D
-
I'm writing as I listen. It has your distinctive style which I really always enjoy. Love your vocals. Lyrics are fun. Great commentary on current society. Reminds me of Sparks and the Residents, but with a fresh sweetness from your voice. Really enjoyed it.
Lynn
-
Hi Crystal Suzy,
The lyrics are pure genius, so witty & apt. The way you effortless blend in those sound effects is amazing.
The Portrait Piano
-
Nothing useful to add, just wanted to chime in since I thoufhr this was cool.
The VU meets Cat Power is the ballpark I 👂
You have a lovely voice
thanks for taking a listen and leaving a comment Mikek :) Thanks for the kudos on the vocals, I'm always a little unsure if they work or not???
glad enjoyed the song :) :)
-
Hi There - from the title I was half expecting something *really* challenging but what I got was the usual great commentary and insightful lyrics (love the line about looking at a screen and not into the eyes, it's easier to lie) and a really catchy song.
Your vocals sounding great too and really suit the production and the theme!
thanks so much adam :) I appreciate the comments about the lyrics and the vocals, and I'm glad you found the song, catchy :)
-
CS,
Liked to the intro and into a neat verse and then the tempo change for the chorus. Smart lyrics as ever.
Then we go off on the AI alien rap and phycodeletic solo, which I thought was absolutely fab :-)
The production and vocals are so much more confident. No issue with structure either, it works for you, go with it.
Cleaver, fun and catchy.
Kept my attention throughout.
:)
neil
thanks so much Neil :) those comments are humbling and mean a lot coming from you :o I'm so happy that you think my production and vocal
skills are more confident...I don't always feel that way, so thanks :o
-
Your songs are always a fab, pic & mix of originality Suzy! This one doesn’t disappoint! Love it! 🤪🎶👊🏻🎶🙋🏼♂️
-
I'm writing as I listen. It has your distinctive style which I really always enjoy. Love your vocals. Lyrics are fun. Great commentary on current society. Reminds me of Sparks and the Residents, but with a fresh sweetness from your voice. Really enjoyed it.
Lynn
thanks so much for your kind comments Lynn :) it's really encouraging when someone enjoys my distinctive style and appreciates my humorous
take on the way our society tries to function ;D
-
Hi Crystal Suzy,
The lyrics are pure genius, so witty & apt. The way you effortless blend in those sound effects is amazing.
The Portrait Piano
thanks for your kind comments TPP :) I love using sound effects, especially for this kind of track, so I'm glad they worked for you :)
-
Wrote you a long response. . . and it timed out on me. I'm not sure if that's the new forum, or something in my computer. . . but lately, I haven't been able to leave anything here that took any time to think through and type.
I'll re-do it later. Past my bedtime now.
-
Your songs are always a fab, pic & mix of originality Suzy! This one doesn’t disappoint! Love it! 🤪🎶👊🏻🎶🙋🏼♂️
thanks LB :) your comments are much appreciated and Ind glad you liked it :-*
-
Really good.
So much creativity, I was reminded of Zappa.
I was drawn in at the beginning with that first tempo change.
The rest of the song is fun with concise insightful lyrics
I like the guitar solo.
Well done.
-
Hi Suzy,
what a way to start a Sunday morning, your song's one of the reasons I don't have a mobile phone, a very funky (in the English meaning of the word) song,
Keith
-
Wrote you a long response. . . and it timed out on me. I'm not sure if that's the new forum, or something in my computer. . . but lately, I haven't been able to leave anything here that took any time to think through and type.
I'll re-do it later. Past my bedtime now.
Hey HTM, Thanks for taking a listen and I'm really sorry that you took the time to write a long review and then it disappeared :(
That's happened to me a few times and it's so frustrating, but I hope you at least, enjoyed the listen :)
-
Really good.
So much creativity, I was reminded of Zappa.
I was drawn in at the beginning with that first tempo change.
The rest of the song is fun with concise insightful lyrics
I like the guitar solo.
Well done.
Thanks so much for the Zappa comparison @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) ;) I've had that one before, so it must be true ;D
Glad you it found it fun and liked the guitar solo :)
-
Nice one 8)
-
Does breaking away form the song format for so long, add or take away, and does the guitar solo add anything to the song?
Made me laugh for the first part when reading I thought "almost definately it will add" and then the second part "do you need to ask??" Odd structure and potentially out-of-plce guitar solo's appeal to the inner rebel, and urah to that!
Great rhythm to the lyrics, reading before listening the first line made me read it in darft-punky way, until the chorus which leads more dark longer lines, then thought maybe a slow rap.. Sorry just babbling, but interesting how the rhythm feels natural however reading.
And haha no wonder they read like that, you do a few different things, and it's fantastic! Jesus!!
What a great lesson is composition and production, if I even had the imagination to create such a wonder; the execution would be lightyears away. How the heck??
For once I do have something constructive though, crank that solo up! :) Looking forward to the rest of the series.
Cheers,
Scott.
-
Hi Suzy,
what a way to start a Sunday morning, your song's one of the reasons I don't have a mobile phone, a very funky (in the English meaning of the word) song,
Keith
LOL, Keith! I hope you meant that in a possitive way ;D ;D I like that you found it funky in an English way :) :)
Nice one 8)
thanks Dogmax and welcome back :)
-
Does breaking away form the song format for so long, add or take away, and does the guitar solo add anything to the song?
Made me laugh for the first part when reading I thought "almost definately it will add" and then the second part "do you need to ask??" Odd structure and potentially out-of-plce guitar solo's appeal to the inner rebel, and urah to that!
Great rhythm to the lyrics, reading before listening the first line made me read it in darft-punky way, until the chorus which leads more dark longer lines, then thought maybe a slow rap.. Sorry just babbling, but interesting how the rhythm feels natural however reading.
And haha no wonder they read like that, you do a few different things, and it's fantastic! Jesus!!
What a great lesson is composition and production, if I even had the imagination to create such a wonder; the execution would be lightyears away. How the heck??
For once I do have something constructive though, crank that solo up! :) Looking forward to the rest of the series.
Cheers,
Scott.
thank you for such a lovely review @ScottLevi (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20495) :) I'm humbled to think that one of my songs could possibly be any kind of lesson, other
than what not to do when arranging/producing a song ;D
"How the heck??"...I have no idea ;D
"crank that solo up!"...that I can do :)
-
Always loved your stuff Suzy and this is a well deserved bump - I love the changes, melodies, sound effects and all the unexpected twists and turns we´ve come to expect to you. I love how you make our death and destruction sound so happy - it´s good to see you´ve got a sense of humour about it.
That middle section flies in out of nowhere and is an experiment in insanity in itself - it works though. I don´t know what to say about the guitar solo - it´s certainly well composed and played, so it fits in that respect, but you could maybe put a slight twist on the sound rather than have a standard rock feel about it - I think it would fit better with the rest of the song and your style in general.
Added to my favourites and can´t wait for the rest ;D
-
I enjoyed this a lot.
Great lyrics. I love a song when it's starts off as one thing and morphs into another.
The only thing i would change would be NOT to go back to the original verse/chorus structure. I'd end after the different bit coz the guitar solo flies and would be good to end on it.
-
Always loved your stuff Suzy and this is a well deserved bump - I love the changes, melodies, sound effects and all the unexpected twists and turns we´ve come to expect to you. I love how you make our death and destruction sound so happy - it´s good to see you´ve got a sense of humour about it.
That middle section flies in out of nowhere and is an experiment in insanity in itself - it works though. I don´t know what to say about the guitar solo - it´s certainly well composed and played, so it fits in that respect, but you could maybe put a slight twist on the sound rather than have a standard rock feel about it - I think it would fit better with the rest of the song and your style in general.
Added to my favourites and can´t wait for the rest ;D
Thanks so much for your kind comments MR :) thanks for recognizing my sense of humor ;D
Nice to hear the middle section worked for you...I never know if it's gonna fly with listens ::)
I think you might be right about the guitar solo, so I've been trying different effects, so thanks ;)
So glad to see you're back at what you love...what we all love :)
-
I enjoyed this a lot.
Great lyrics. I love a song when it's starts off as one thing and morphs into another.
The only thing i would change would be NOT to go back to the original verse/chorus structure. I'd end after the different bit coz the guitar solo flies and would be good to end on it.
Thanks @dinnerwithgreedo (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=6829)...I'm glad you liked how it morphs ::) I was wondering if I should go back into the chorus after the morphed section :-\