The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Movin Flavour on December 13, 2018, 03:18:04 PM
-
Phil and I wrote this track a couple of years ago, but never completed. We have thought about going back to it, but have been side tracked by life and trying to write a House Song, which is not as easy as I thought.
I have written some new lyrics for it, because I think the chorus is currently a bit dark. If anybody has the time would love to try and collaborate and finish it one day!!!
As it stands, we only did one vocal track, but I'm posting it because is December. and it has a Xmas feel, so please listen if you have time.
Thanks
Sandeep
This is the link: https://soundcloud.com/sandeep-issar/the-man-in-the-moon-sheds-a-tear
These are the current lyrics.
The man in the moon sheds a tear
Verse 1
There's a place that I go just to be on my own
Where the woes of the world can't find me
There's a lake by a stream
Where the stars are so clear.
Makes the man in the moon shed a tear.
Verse 2
It's the place that I go when I'm thinking of you
I know you can never be near
I dream that you kiss my lips
And love's abundantly clear
Makes the man in the moon shed a tear.
Chorus
Shadow of a crater watching over me
Hiding all my fear
Guiding all my dreams
Like an orchestration
Where rhythm has a soul
hearts lose all control
shadow of a crater watching over me
shadow of a crater watching over me
You're not here, you're not there, but you're everywhere
Your soul is always in me
When I take a step
I feel that you're near
Makes the man in the moon shed a tear.
Chorus
Shadow of a crater watching over me
Shadow of a crater watching over me
Repeat and fade.
-
Hi Sandeep and Phil. Good to see you back on the forum :) What is it about long song titles ? My preview showed it as The Man In The Moon Sheds and I was having these thoughts of some bloke living on the moon in his shed :o Ok, all is a bit clearer now. I thought you had some interesting ideas going on here and it's a very chilled vibe but I somehow thought that it was going to break out into a full on EDM track but never did. The only other thing I would say was that I thought the vocals with the chorus and reverb didn't really sit too comfortably with the rest of the track. Now I am no expert in production jobbies and it may well be the effect that you wanted but just my opinion. Anyway guys, you've been missed and welcome back. All the best, John :)
-
I like the bell intro :) It's a beautiful song and beautifully sung. Lovely string/vocal backing track :) I think it's lovely as is, but I too was expecting it to break into an EDM track, and it would be interesting to hear it do that, if you were so inspired. ;)
-
Blimey!! the talent on this forum is getting out of hand!!! this is gorgeous..just gorgeous, a beautiful tune and beautifully presented, all I would say is to make the strings a little more distant sounding, otherwise I reckon it's stunningly fab..well done guys!!!
-
Arrghhh! Sorry I missed this one, Sandeep...I'm still catching up...
Sounds great....lovely vocal and it does have a xmas-sy feel to it...a Freiheit kind of thing, perhaps...although that wasn't really a xmas song, was it? I'm rambling again...
It has quite an "outer space" feel to it too...in a really good way. I went off on one at a gig at the weekend as I'd just heard "a spaceman came travelling" on the radio...and I said imagine how disappointing it'd be to travel millions of miles across space, and land on planet earth and the first person you bump into is Chris de Burgh singing "la la la la, la la la, la la la"
"everyone back onto the spaceship...QUICK...let's GTFO of here"
Anyway...I thoroughly enjoyed this...has a lovely vibe to it. Tip top!
-
This was a lovely 3 and a bit minutes of escapism.
Wonderfully rich a sumptuous soundscape in which you can just float away and the simplistic melody sits lovely with this.
I think I would have liked a slightly more intimate and less effected vocal, but apart from that, lovely stuff.
Actually, if you've taken inspiration from anyone and can recommend music in a similar style, I'd be interested in checking it out.
Yodasdad
-
Hey @Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) .. Wow!! Love this! Great piece beautifully sung! So gentle... just captivating!! The instrumental parts are just lovely... very original theme and lyrics. Great stuff!
-
Dear @MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) , @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) , @Shadow (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20590) , thanks for your very kind word.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - John, your definitely right about the chorus, we never got it right and we need to work on it.
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253), - thanks for your comments, glad you liked it
@Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) - Thankyou, I can't really remember where the inspiration came from. I think of Noel Noel, whenever I sing it. I'm really into Paul Weller and , I first started writing songs when I heard the 12 inch version of Long Hot Summer, it has so many tunes and sub tunes. I remember singing the song and then the song morphed into different songs.
Thank you all
Sandeep
-
@Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) - This is really cool, and interesting,
1:35 the Vox seem to be a little low
Nice work with the strings and Choirs, that's rather hard to do.
What did you use for the vocal doubling? we they double tracked or something like Soundtoys microshift?
Nice work.
Hope this helps
Rich
-
Hi Sandeep @Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528)
A nice atmospheric song with good emotion, great vocals as always, reminds me of some 80's style ballads, very nice.
Cheers, Mikey
-
This is a lovely thing indeed. Beautifully produced and so atmospheric. Definitely has a Christmassy feel - must be the sleigh bells! Lovely choir-like backing vocals - how did you do that?
Can't find anything negative to say - it's an absolute cracker......see what I did there!
M
-
Dear @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) , @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) and @Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986) thanks for taking the time to listen and thanks for all your kind and constructive comments.
Sandeep
-
Yo Sandeep.
The intro has lovely feel and warmth and the song builds nicely towards the middle. An epic ballad vibe.
The Xmas sound is well evident and I could easily hear it at any new Year party slow dance.
Loved it man. 8)
-
Epic stuff Sandeep.
Lovely sound which envelops the listener. Slow paced but never drags for that...just pulls you dreamily along.
'Shadow of a crater' is a very effective line and becomes mesmerising repeated....has a good rhythm to it and I can see how this would be very well fitted into a dancy mix as others have suggested.
Nice work just as it is.
-
Very romantic sounding. Very fluid and flowing. It has an elegant motion and rhythm. Really pretty.
-
Hi Sandeep . HAPPY NEW YEAR ;D ;D
Beautiful song old chap...loved it. Sounded very commercial to me. All the
boxes seem to be ticked ;D ;D . It sounds very familiar to me, although I know
I've never heard it before. Full of hooks and lovely melodies. It certainly takes you
to a magical place ;D ;D
Loved it...excellent work
-
Dear
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061)
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171)
and @Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra
Thanks for listening and posting your lovely comments.
😀😀
Sandeep
-
Enjoying letting this gentle wash over, like an ear cleaning lotion.
good vocals and delicate backing, nice piano too
Thought: maybe later on you might have included a simple drum snare
:)
neil
-
Your wonderful instrumentation builds a cool atmosphere. I like it as it is. Only I bemoan with the "Shadow of a crater watching over me" line. May there is a line out there which fits better. May you sing: "Shadow of an angel watching over me"
Well done mate. Like it very much.
Alexander