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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jambrains on December 03, 2018, 03:43:02 PM
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Not much to say about this one, just turn it up loud. Simple as that ;D
You crossed the line
that kept us apart
I drew it there
to protect my heart
But you reached out
and pulled me close
First there was nothing
then came a spark
that turned into a roaring fire
way out of control
I threw a dime
in the wishing well
Send me to heaven or
send me to hell
Either way
I would do it all over
Again
and again
and again
and again
Bury me
with an enemy
Condemn my soul
for eternity
Still I swear
I would do it all over
Again
and again
and again
and again
It was all or nothing
So all it was
I knew we’d fail
I had seen the odds
So we lived the dream
Too fast too strong
and before we knew it
the dream was gone
Consumed by a roaring fire
way out of control
Just one chance
was all we got
And we took it
was it worth the shot?
I threw a dime
in the wishing well
Send me to heaven or
send me to hell
Either way
I would do it all over
Again
and again
and again
and again
Bury me
with an enemy
Condemn my soul
for eternity
Still I swear
I would do it all over
Again
and again
and again
and again
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@jambrains,
A big song that makes a big impact on a single listen. The stand out lyric is for me "Burying me with an enemy." and "I throw a line in the wishing well." Fine production reminiscent of th band James definitely retro and belonging to another decade. Good contrasting sections and instrumental
Well don
Paul
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Sounds really good, meaningful lyrics combined with a full and developed sound. I really like it!
Awesome guitar solo in there as well.
I think the melody lines in the verse could be a bit more colourfull, if I had to say anything I didn't really like.
I'd use notes that are a bit further away form each other in that melody, I think it'd make the song a bit more interesting.
Really good work nonetheless.
Tom
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Yup Johan. Deserves to be played loud. I'm getting a Bruce Springsteen vibe from this one a la Born To Run. The chorus is as catchy as anything. Another monster from the @Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) hit factory :)
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Very good song with great lyrics which fit into the music perfect. May the drums sounds to me a bit rushed but this for sure is only me.
Great song well done.
Alexander
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Very well put together, could easily have been put out under the 'Ashes For Dreams' combo, as it has that rustic rock feel I associate with you over there. I think I am maybe starting to see a signature 'Jambrains Dipping Couplet' technique being developed the more I hear of you- you know when you take a work like 'swear' , and split in in two and dip from a high note to a lower one! It works, of course! ;)
The chorus is very catchy and you craft these usually very well.
Only nit...well that would be the guitar solo, which is a bit too retro old school for my ears, although I know this type of thing still has millions of fans across the world. Just a personal thing, I guess.
Good tune! ;)
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This is great!
Super lyrics and a really catchy feel.
At first I wondered if the drums were a bit too modern for my old-fashioned taste...they reminded me a bit of foo fighters/Kings of Leon kind of thing where the drums are almost another lead instrument... Probably what Moon would have been playing had he still been in his prime today...
But as it went on, I thought the choice of drums was perfect and locked in to the feel of the track like a foot in a sock
A cracking listen. Vocals moody and very fine too.
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Always like your music my friend, very consistent standard in everything you do, my thoughts on this song are that I think it could do without the piano and a bit more of a colour change for the chorus...however..sounded awesome loud in my new setup mate!!
Best, Kevin :)
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@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231), @Almosthumanrobot (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21204), @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) , @fischermans (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19014) & @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024): thanks a mill for taking the time to listen and comment!
I think I am maybe starting to see a signature 'Jambrains Dipping Couplet' technique being developed the more I hear of you- you know when you take a work like 'swear' , and split in in two and dip from a high note to a lower one! It works, of course! ;)
Guess your right, just the way I sing :-)
Only nit...well that would be the guitar solo, which is a bit too retro old school for my ears, although I know this type of thing still has millions of fans across the world. Just a personal thing, I guess.
Yeah, I know but that is the only way I know how to play ;D
Thanks for the kind words :)
At first I wondered if the drums were a bit too modern for my old-fashioned taste...they reminded me a bit of foo fighters/Kings of Leon kind of thing where the drums are almost another lead instrument... Probably what Moon would have been playing had he still been in his prime today...
Thanks Paul. You are 100% spot on re the drums. I often get the comment that my drums are a tad too busy but I love music where the drums are a part of the song and not just a glorified metronome ;D Love drummers like Neil Peart and Mike Portnoy
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Hi jambrains.
Hell yeh, Like this style, Right up our street, Defo has a Bruce Springsteen vibe,
You have a cool deep vocal there dude, sits well in the track too.
Great track, Great listen.....especially on 11,
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Hey, quality song with ATTITOOD. I liked the chorus a lot but my favourite aspect was that haunting rippling piano right at the start - loved that. Only thing I didn't like was the fade out rather than letting it crescendo to a resolution (but then, I'm well known for dissing fade outs). It was well sculpted, seemed to gather momentum all the way through, and suited your voice well.
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Hi,
I loved the piano intro - that sucked me in. Great vocals and a lovely, rich production. This is a very high grade piece of musicianship and songwriting. It's driven along by a superb drum part and that piano is lovely. Loved the Brian May like guitar solo at around 2:40.
Superb piece of music. Got to be a contender for SOTM.
M