The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: moraamarolaloba on October 11, 2018, 07:29:28 PM
-
Some of you already know that my English is sometimes not correct, so I would appreciate someone telling me what is right and what is wrong with these lyrics.
It's a song I made over a year ago and it's on Youtube but now I would like to make sure it's okay and if it's not, I'll do it again. Thank you very much. Mora
When I become a monster
When I become a monster
I observe myself
from that distance that the foreign gives
When I become a monster
I observe myself
from that distance that the foreign gives
And I plunge in the sensations
of the obscure of myself
when I open the door
in my thought,
of the perverse,
of the abstract of the free will,
the free will, the free will...
When I become a monster
I observe my life
from the flames that Hell gives
When I become a monster
I observe my life
from the flames that Hell gives
And I plunge in the temptation
of the obscure of my dreams
when I let the fire burns
all the words
of those paths
of the abstract of the free will,
the free will, the free will...
-
Hi Mora
Can't believe no-one has commented yet :D
I think this really good.
It's a bit abstract but I like that it still seems to make sense and it's open to interpretation.
The only line I think needs work is:
from that distance that the foreign gives
Do you mean " From a distance that a stranger has?" or "from another person's perspective"?
Paul