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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Skub on September 11, 2018, 07:00:05 PM

Title: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Skub on September 11, 2018, 07:00:05 PM

Yo all you creative bods.  :)

This is my submission to the 'Get Shorty' competition.

'Tis a very novel and challenging remit,but a fine way to challenge habits and force us to get it done in a 60 second time frame.

What possibly could go wrong?  :D

Make yourself comfortable,pull up a drink and pour a chair. (you can tell I've already done so!)

The scene is a bar,that fundamental bedrock of social interaction,mostly populated by folk well capable of finishing the job in under 60 seconds,especially as the evening wears to a close.  ;)  ;D

Man sees woman who looks like she prefers to be alone and he is on the verge of turning away when he is taken aback when she speaks first and sets the ball rolling. He tell the story...

The first time I saw you
You were nursing an empty glass
With a faraway look in your eyes
I almost walked away
And let the moment pass
But then you spoke and much to my surprise

You said...
May I take up a minute
Of your time?
Does your glass need something in it
Just like mine?
Does your heart have room in it
Can I ever hope to win it
May I take up a minute
Of your time....

https://soundcloud.com/skub1955/project-1-minute

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: CaliaMoko on September 11, 2018, 09:32:38 PM

May I be the first to say "Well done!" I love your production, as always. You got a whole story packed into 59 seconds and it didn't sound a bit rushed. Very nice. Love the harmonies, too, by the way.

Vicki

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: tboswell on September 13, 2018, 03:20:19 PM

Really good entry, lots to love! That clean guitar work is very Mark Knofler and beautifully executed.
The vocals sound ace and the concept of the lyrics works perfectly for the comp and so the whole thing make sense.

Top stuff, compressed and better for it  :) 

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: mickyplankton on September 13, 2018, 08:53:39 PM

Excellent entry Skub. Great concept and lyrics. Production is excellent and the song, especially the chorus is catchy. And you nailed the time too.

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: adamfarr on September 19, 2018, 01:43:19 PM

What a great idea, great story telling.


I couldn't escape feeling that this was just the beginning of something that was building up to something bigger - I wonder how it would work if you made it Project 3 Minutes (can I take up 3 minutes of your time?). Something to think about?


Perhaps that's just the definition of success, leaving me wanting more... Very clever and beautifully realised.

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: cowparsleyman on September 19, 2018, 02:39:47 PM

Whato Skub

I haven't heard it yet, but really dig the lyrics and the way they flow, they MUST sound great in a song.

Can't wait to hear it.

cpm

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Bill Saunders on September 20, 2018, 08:07:15 AM

Absolutely beautiful! Wonderful singing first up, and lovely harmonies. And your guitar playing as always is way up there. I mean WAY up there.

Very clever idea too. Spot on Davy!

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra on September 23, 2018, 07:00:58 PM

Takes the one minute theme by the throat and wrings its neck but it worked well...very well.

Nice when it hits its stride for the ...er..chorus if we can call it that...nice harmonies and jangly guitar....got Knopfler in for those lead lines did you?

Extra points for rhyming 'minute' with 'in it'

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Neil C on September 24, 2018, 08:28:30 AM

Smart work here. Lyrics, vocals and music all present and correct.
Catchy and left me wanting more.
 :)
neil

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: moraamarolaloba on September 24, 2018, 11:56:20 PM

This song has a very definite sadness background and its style brings me sounds of other times, I love it. Mora

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: montydog on September 25, 2018, 04:31:02 PM

Hi Davey,

Boy, am I glad I didn't enter this competition! Probably the best thing I've heard so far. I think it is crying out for the a full length song. It's like taking a sip of Guinness and then walking away without finishing the rest (to use your drink analogy). Please write the full story :-(

M

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: cowparsleyman on September 26, 2018, 08:20:29 AM

Took a listen @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) , kinda different to how I imagined it, but a nice tune, loved the correlation of the duration of the soing to the actual length, sort of metaphysical.

Nice out of phase stuff.

cpm

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Binladeda on September 27, 2018, 07:13:18 PM

 Remarkable....I'm stunned  ;D ;D ;D

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Skub on September 28, 2018, 10:53:22 PM

@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)

Ta Vicki.  :)

@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223)

Cheers Tom. I have to stop myself with the Knopfler thing sometimes!  :D

@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769)

Thanks Micky

@adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124)

Yeah,I think the song may grow,Adam! Plans are afoot.  ;)

@Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525)

Yer fiver's in the post,Bill.  :D

@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra

That minute was just asking for it. Innit?  :D

@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856)

Play it twice Neil,that'll give ya more!  ;D

@moraamarolaloba (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21233)

Yeah,lots of sadness to be found in public places. Thanks Mora.  :)

@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)

I probably will Alan,I may even have a female vocal for the second half. Thanks man.  :)

@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)

I've been out of phase for years! Thanks CPM.  :)

@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)

Cheers Gramps.  ;D

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Paulski on September 29, 2018, 02:21:50 AM

Good work here skub.
Loved the melody lines and the chorus especially.
Packs a solid punch for a shorty - no big song's gonna beat up on this little guy  ;D

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: crystalsuzy on September 29, 2018, 12:41:47 PM

What an amazing minute of pure listening joy :) It was just too darn short, but of course that's the comp.  :o
That chorus is wonderful...the harmonies are beautiful. Great story line as well.  8)
I think the next comp should be to make a longer song of these shorties.  8)
Great entry Davy  :)

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: nooms on September 29, 2018, 06:51:03 PM

good job davy
thought it was white room as it started ..
you manage to have an intro and verse build and really catchy chorus
well compacted mate
you must have attended the ‘john west’ school of songwriting
are you saving the 12 inch for the next album ?

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Binladeda on October 03, 2018, 07:06:36 AM

 Still Remarkable.  Still stunned  ;D ;D ;D
 Excellent production btw......

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: Skub on October 07, 2018, 08:30:35 PM

@Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241)

Ha! Thanks Paul.  :)

@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)

Wow! Many thanks CS.  :)

@nooms (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=11264)

I get what you mean on the 'White Room' thing,nooms! The 12 inch will only be a 6 inch.  :D

@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620)

Thanks again,double Gramps.  ;D

Title: Re: Project 1 Minute.......'The Get Shorty Comp'
Post by: diademgrove on October 08, 2018, 10:09:52 AM

Its been a while since I last posted. I've discovered painting which seems to be more time consuming than songwriting. Anyway enough of my apologies.

Great song, well sung and produced. My only suggestion would be to have the last "of your time" sang acapella. For me the song would then end on a question mark rather than a full stop.

Its only a minor point so feel free to ignore me if you disagree,

Keith