The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: CaliaMoko on September 04, 2018, 12:15:12 AM
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EDIT: I've updated the song twice. The same link goes to the most recent version. I haven't kept the old versions. And I've been told the genre is "trance pop". I've updated the vocal in an attempt to match the genre.
ORIGINAL POST: Here's my entry in the shorty song contest. It isn't polished but I don't think I'm going to get any more done, so I have no expectations. But it was fun to do, so here it is. I don't even know what genre this is. If anyone can enlighten me, that would be awesome. Any crits also welcome. Remember I have thick skin and don't mind criticisms. In fact I kind of like them. I may be a bit odd...don't know....
https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/always-in-a-hurry/s-By4Av
ALWAYS IN A HURRY
Always in a hurry, mind all full of worry
Dealing with perpetual frustrations
Fleeting revelations, meeting expectations
Trying to get a handle on intangible salvation
Retreat into sedation, flattening deflation
Conflict resolution always leaves me feeling shaken
Feelings in a flurry, vision going blurry
Gotta get away from all the imprecations
Copyright 2018 Vicki Morrison
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It's a bouncy little thing isn't it?
Sounds like pop to me - really sophisticated pop - if that's a thing. :D
I like it - packs a punch and the vox are great - and rapid-fire!
I had to look up imprecations ;D ;D
A super little fire-cracker that might just take the prize IMHCO.
Paul
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I have learned that it's apparently "trance pop", which I never heard of before. But it seems this genre requires echo, so I've tried to add that. @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) , is it better or worse???
I don't know if "sophisticated pop" is a thing or not, but I've been told this genre is "complex". :D And I have now learned to add a bus (buss?) and discovered that sending works in reverse of what I thought it would. Whaddya know??? This is a really very brand new thing to me. I've seen people talking about buses (or whatever) on here, but never knew what they were. Very cool. Excited up my whole day! 8) :P ;D
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I have learned that it's apparently "trance pop", which I never heard of before. But it seems this genre requires echo, so I've tried to add that. @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) , is it better or worse???
I'd say better - but only where the echo isn't playing at the same time as the lead vox. I suppose you could lower it a bit in those places and push it full left or right so it doesn't compete - but I would suggest only echo where no lead vox. But what do I know? :D
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No, you're right. And I'm already working on a solution to that. I posted a plea for help on the "Recording" board. I haven't been able to figure out how to manipulate the echo separately from the main vocal.
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Hi Vickie.........nice little "short" ditty. Jam packed with an odyssey of lyrical rhyme and reason....I think ;)
Good luck....and sooooo nice to see you after all this time passed.
Take care and good luck ( or should I say, "break a string" ?).
-Tom
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this is fun.
I like those backing vocals
Really resonant with me, I'm terribly busy these days.
There's a quiet voice of reason telling me I'd get more done if I'd slow down n' tell hectic folk to take a hike.
Well done.
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This is a whole heap of fun Vicki. A delicious slice of slightly trippy pop. The vocals are used to good effect with an almost manic feel to them which reflects the lyrics perfectly. Love the finger clicks :)
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That's a fun little track Vicki. Seemed influenced by the work of @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) perhaps to me, which is a truly good thing!
I like the lyrical theme emphasising the "limited time" theme of the comp.
Nice little escape from the rat race.....right, now back to work! ::)
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@Paulski : I've updated it again. There shouldn't be any overlap now.
@IronKnee (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20409) : Yes, I'm trying to spend a little time in the forum now. I still mostly mark everything "read", but little by little I'm doing more again. Unfortunately, it doesn't take many listens to shoot my bandwidth up. I can't figure out why so much bandwidth goes so fast. I surely hope we get something better while I'm still upright and breathing. Thanks for listening!
@Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) : Thanks. It was fun to do, too. I am always thinking I need to slow down. I'm always trying to do a dozen things at once, and I can't remember where I am on any of them. :-\
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) : I can't take responsibility for the finger clicks, but I do like them. Thanks for your nice comments!
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) : Yeah, I like crystalsuzy, so that might be true. Thanks for listening and providing your kind remarks.
I just posted an updated version a half hour ago...maybe an hour? I'm hoping it's an improvement. I am experimenting with new processes I've never used before. Like automation. And busses (which I ended up not using on this latest go-round).
Thanks to everyone who listened!
Vicki
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Ooh I do like a good wordy lyric @CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) - a clever concept for a short song I might say!
I get the @crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947) ref - it did remind me of her a little I must say .. I like the effects you have chosen - gives a spacey slightly frenetic feel to the whole thing which goes with the theme... Think the vocal needs to come a little in places though - it was a little obscured for me for example on the last two lines .. I'm no mixing expert by any means but I'm sure there are others who will either disagree or be able to advise you how to address :)!
Quirky and quite lovely.. Thumbs up from me!
Karen.
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Yo Vicki.
Man alive you've surely harnessed the DAW to get what you're after. :) That in itself is awesome,girl.
Creative,entertaining,intelligent. You have found your feet and it's great to see.
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@MonnoDB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19820) : I'll take a look at the vocal where you mentioned and see if I can fix it up. Thanks for the complimentary words. :D
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) : I have to confess I can't take credit for anything but the vocals. I did everything on the vocals, but I did nothing with the backing. A youngster (like, young enough to be my, let's see <<counting on fingers>>, my great-great-grandkid! Yikes! Just very barely, but still....) did that for me. Still, I know more than I did, and I'm getting anxious to try something totally all on my own. Stay tuned. Or, better yet, tune back in later, cuz it will probably take a while. And thank you for saying such nice things about this. :D
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Oh yes! Catchy, fun, original and above all, short. Did I mention it was catchy? Bloody thing's been going round and round in my head since I listened to it AND I CAN'T MAKE IT STOP!!!
M
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Love this, Vicki! Sounds really cool.
Lynn
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Boundless energy, bounce and above all fun. Don’t ask me about genres...maybe it’s my headphones but I would have been struggling to hear the lyrics in places if I couldn’t read them.
That aside, a minute of pure joy 😀
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Hi Vicki, Nice work, like the use of the echo, I couldn't see it ending in time, but by golly, you did it.
Good job
cpm
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@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) : Sorry, man! That happens to me sometimes, too! :o ;D And thanks for the lovely compliment.
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) : Thanks, Lynn!
@Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525) : Thanks so much! Someone told me it's "trance pop". I wouldn't want a whole song like that--too boring; same thing over and over. But for a short piece, it works for me. Yes, Karen mentioned having trouble hearing some of the lyric, also. I need to see if I can figure out what to do about that....
@cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) : Thank you, cpm. It was almost exhilarating to figure out how to do that echo thing.
And thanks to everyone who has listened!
Vicki
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Vicki - funny how this sounded shorter than the others I've listened to so far......a treat of multiple rhyming enhanced by the echoes...the music.... the backing...really does fit the lyrical theme so well. Is very trancy.....so that's trance pop then is it?
Nicely done!
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Calia, this song is so fresh, your voice is so teenage... and your lyrics so deep.... I enjoyed it, really.
I love your signature.
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Vicki - funny how this sounded shorter than the others I've listened to so far......a treat of multiple rhyming enhanced by the echoes...the music.... the backing...really does fit the lyrical theme so well. Is very trancy.....so that's trance pop then is it?
So I've been told. I don't know genres except for obvious things like "country" or "jazz".
Nicely done!
Thanks!
Calia, this song is so fresh, your voice is so teenage...
OMG! I love you! Will you marry me??? My kids will agree (maybe) and my grandkids will think it's funny. and your lyrics so deep.... I enjoyed it, really.
I love your signature.
Thanks a bunch!! And it's true. It's never too late, so long as you can still think. And--at least to some extent--move.
Thanks for taking the time to listen!
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great stuff vicki
love the kind of hurry up anxious cuckoo riff..
matches the theme of the lyric perfectly and vocals kinda spooky ..in a very good way
you get the image of someone scurrying this way and that
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Hi Vicki, I love what you've done with this 1min track, and I'm the one honored to have your song referenced to mine. :)
I don't know what this genre would be called, and that is a compliment...creating knew genres is so much fun, as is this song,
but also very insightful. I can totally identify with the lyrics and your vocals are super 8)
You're ahead of me with your DAW, as I've not learned how to bus tracks ::)
great entry and good luck :)