The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: mickyplankton on August 24, 2018, 11:57:08 PM
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Hi All,
Heres my latest song inspired by the Short song competition.
update 9th Oct:
Following feedback the latest definitive is here:
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/the-lizards-of-silicon-1
Original Post:
Here is my short song competition entry (with the 11 second outro removed) - clocking in at exactly 1 minute!
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/the-lizards-of-silicon-valley
Lyrics:
Basking in the eternal sun, we don’t answer to anyone.
We are the lizards of Silicon Valley, and were gonna rule the world.
Some of us are yellow, some of us are green, some of us our white and some of us are blue
Chameleons of Silicon Valley, from where in the universe are you?
Theres forks in our tongues and forks in the road, where the story of humanity unfolds.
We are the lizards of Silicon Valley, skin is smooth our blood is cold.
We saw An old man a long time ago, crying for the fate of the world
The Humans are now all long gone. Far too hot for them we heard.
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Haha, I thought that was a really long intro for a one minute song with all those lyrics. ;D Didn't notice it was the instrumental version.
Looking forward to hearing the singing. It sounds cool so far.
Lynn
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Hi Lynn, that’s odd. The link should be to the vocals version. Vocals come in at 11 seconds.
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It took me to the instrumental version, but I think it's an issue on my end. I've been having some issues going to SoundCloud links on this forum. It's not you, it's me. ;)
No matter, I found it! Perfect punk song in every way. Vocals and music sound great. Lyrics are excellent, and make me angry (in a good way). It's also the antithesis of Katie's entry, and it was really fun to experience them back to back. It's going to be a great contest to listen to.
Lynn
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Yo Micky.
Cool punk/New Wave sound and interesting lyrics. Works just fine overall for me,though I'd like a bit more aggression/venom in the vocal delivery,unless you were going for the 'world weary,DGAS' kind of vibe. In which case I'll STFU. :D
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Great Punk / New wave vibe @mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769)
The lyrics reminded me of something The Clash may have written so top marks on that :)
Great competition entry
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Lovely little New Wave minute, catchy guitar counter melody and, as mentioned by Pompey, an anthemic tune The Clash would have been proud of. An early contender shows its head! ;)
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Nice one Micky - great entry for the competition.
I like how you kept it simple and focus on those verse lyrics and melody.
It's compact and sounds great to boot ;D
Paul
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Boom Mickey,
1 Min of Punk.
I just missed the punk era as I was too young.
Nice work dude.
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Nice little blast, gets a lot of story over very quickly.
Good economical songwriting!
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Thanks for all the feedback much appreciated. Wheres the competition though! Im the only entrant so far!
It took me to the instrumental version, but I think it's an issue on my end. I've been having some issues going to SoundCloud links on this forum. It's not you, it's me. ;)
No matter, I found it! Perfect punk song in every way. Vocals and music sound great. Lyrics are excellent, and make me angry (in a good way). It's also the antithesis of Katie's entry, and it was really fun to experience them back to back. It's going to be a great contest to listen to.
Lynn
Wow thanks Lynne!
Yo Micky.
Cool punk/New Wave sound and interesting lyrics. Works just fine overall for me,though I'd like a bit more aggression/venom in the vocal delivery,unless you were going for the 'world weary,DGAS' kind of vibe. In which case I'll STFU. :D
Hi Skub, fully take your point about vocal delivery. I recorded it at midnight and i was keen not to wake up the neighbours which is why its softer than usual!
Lovely little New Wave minute, catchy guitar counter melody and, as mentioned by Pompey, an anthemic tune The Clash would have been proud of. An early contender shows its head! ;)
Thanks Michael!
Great Punk / New wave vibe @mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769)
The lyrics reminded me of something The Clash may have written so top marks on that :)
Great competition entry
Thanks John. The Clash (as always) are a big influence on this one.
Nice little blast, gets a lot of story over very quickly.
Good economical songwriting!
Boom Mickey,
1 Min of Punk.
I just missed the punk era as I was too young.
Nice work dude.
Lovely little New Wave minute, catchy guitar counter melody and, as mentioned by Pompey, an anthemic tune The Clash would have been proud of. An early contender shows its head! ;)
Thanks Guys, really enjoyed creating this one.
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The Clash meet The Ramones meet The Skids for a very short jam and lo it was good and many worshipped at it's feet.(Inches)?
1 minute is a very strict mistress.
M
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The Clash meet The Ramones meet The Skids for a very short jam and lo it was good and many worshipped at it's feet.(Inches)?
1 minute is a very strict mistress.
M
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)
Im very glad to see you are coming round to being a punk rock believer Monty Dog! You have been a tough critic over the time on this site (and i have appreciated your honesty) and a tough nut to crack but im glad we got there in the end! I have to say, im very proud of this song and very grateful to the organisers for inspiring it. Thanks @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) and @pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
1 minute seems daunting but i can also really inspire a creative approach. I dont think the song would be any better if it was longer.
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Hi Mickey
I heard the Clash from the word go, and I love the vibe, and the lyrics. The song rumbles along in a very infectious way. I just felt the vocal delivery was a bit polite and self-conscious, if that makes any sense. Like I was expecting you to BELT those words out!
Very well done all the same.
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good old vibe of the era....yeah maybe the vocal could have more oomph but we do what we can, right?
I haven't listened to the version with the outro....but if you chop the intro of this (good to see you got an intro in anyway!) in half you could have half an outro and not have such an abrupt ending...just a thought.
Good wall of sound guitar part....driving but pretty ....like the way it follows the melody.
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lovely intro mickie
like that guitar sound.. simple but so catchy
gets yah straight out the traps
enjoyed this.. way it moves
good words
power to you
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Punk isn't normally my thing, but I really like this track, lyrics and all :) You really stuck to the script and squeezed a lot into exactly 1minute :o
Great entry and good luck :)
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Hi Mickey
I heard the Clash from the word go, and I love the vibe, and the lyrics. The song rumbles along in a very infectious way. I just felt the vocal delivery was a bit polite and self-conscious, if that makes any sense. Like I was expecting you to BELT those words out!
Very well done all the same.
Hi Mickey
I heard the Clash from the word go, and I love the vibe, and the lyrics. The song rumbles along in a very infectious way. I just felt the vocal delivery was a bit polite and self-conscious, if that makes any sense. Like I was expecting you to BELT those words out!
Very well done all the same.
Hi chaps Punk isn't normally my thing, but I really like this track, lyrics and all :) You really stuck to the script and squeezed a lot into exactly 1minute :o
Great entry and good luck :)
good old vibe of the era....yeah maybe the vocal could have more oomph but we do what we can, right?
I haven't listened to the version with the outro....but if you chop the intro of this (good to see you got an intro in anyway!) in half you could have half an outro and not have such an abrupt ending...just a thought.
Good wall of sound guitar part....driving but pretty ....like the way it follows the melody.
Hi all thanks for the additional feedback. Ive taken on board the comments about the vocals and ive re recorded it and remixed it. I had to change the key to allow for slightly more oompth in the vocals. I also tidyed up the bass line
I slightly slowed the song down too to allow for more clarity in the vocal delivery.
Latest version here: (This isnt intended to replace the short song entry BTW this is just me evolving the song following feedback)
https://soundcloud.com/mickyplankton/the-lizards-of-silicon-1