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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Altair on August 03, 2018, 06:11:39 AM
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Hi!)
It’s me again, Alex, a songwriter from Russia)
Here is a song I wrote about one girl from my town.
Don’t laugh at me, please.
It’s just a lyrical image :-)
I’m not sure about my English, so I would be very grateful if you read these lyrics and give me any recommedations (rhyming, stylistics, use of word, etc.)
Sorry for a demo without vocals. Vocal line is shown with a sax voice.
https://soundcloud.com/user-72483902/4seasons-demo
Thank you!
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(1)
This funny story is called 4 seasons –
One year of my life
I hope you’ll be ready to listen
So I can get a reply
When I met you it was summer
You stood out from other girls
You subtle smile just made me wonder
But I couldn’t find good words
(Chorus)
I’ m tearing off the sheets of my calendar
I’m trying on a white shirt and new jeans
You are the star, a fabulous character
Of all my songs and romantic dreams
(2)
Those days passed and then was autumn
I was looking for you in the street
At that time I felt poor and forgotten
I asked myself – where can we meet?
I was writing a touching love letter
When winter came
Searching for you in that shopping center
It was for me like a game
(Chorus)
I’ m tearing off the sheets of my calendar
I’m trying on a white shirt and new jeans
You are the star, a fabulous character
Of all my songs and romantic dreams
(3)
And you’re as cool as the sun in winter
I’m suffering as you can see
I’m dreaming of just touching your fingers
But you need it far less than me
And in spring I’ll make my solutions
I need just to draw a line
This love story is like a delusion
I don’t want to waste my time
(Chorus)