The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: LostBoy on July 02, 2018, 12:34:35 AM
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Hi guys,
Thanks to some excellent feedback here and elsewhere I have made significant changes to this song. ;D
I’ve got rid of the midi piano arps and paid a session pianist to play instead. (an absolute first for me! :)) I’ve also tried to clean up the mix a bit, so that the vocal sits a bit prettier (well....hopefully prettier! :D)
The vocals on this are waaaay wetter than I usually have in my songs and I’ve also used doubling, which I usually avoid. I just like the vibe it seems to bring. :)
So thanks for all your help and please let me know if anything sticks out/sounds dodgy as I will be releasing this on all platforms in the near future.
Cheers as always
Leo :D
https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/hit-the-ground-running
I see tears fall from her eyes
Says she’s running out of sky
Falling down, falling down
I’ve known her since we were little
A heart so big, but her bones are brittle
She falls so hard
It’s learning how, to hit the ground running
I just pull her close to me
Sometimes there’s no words to speak
Cry it out, cry it out
Trouble in the sky, she takes my hand
I try to break her fall, so she can land
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Wow, the first version was good but that piano take the whole thing to a new level (not 100% sure about the short staccato part, adds a nice variation but something feels not quite right) . Vox is absolutely stunning, a tad too ambient for my taste, always prefer a more up in your face, intimate sound for these kind of songs, a matter of personal prefs of course.
But man, you can sing for sure!
Respect!
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Leo,
Didn't catch it first time around so delighted to catch up. Up to your usual excellent pro standard ( still love sandcastle ). and loving the harmonies.
Re the mix my preference would be to have your single lead vocal to its normal fx and slightly more proud in the mix to make it stand out a bit more and have the harmonies with the fx..
Either way its a lovely piece.
:)
neil
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This is lovely, I didn't want it to end, the vocals are outstanding and the harmony parts are superb. The piano sounds great, I always think that live instruments sound so much better than midi, and I'm a sucker for the string accompaniment in this type of song.
A great song all round, Mikey
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@Jambrains (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19875) @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) @Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986) Thanks very much guys. ;D Regarding the vocal fx....just trying something different is all. It would be easy to just do what I always do. :)
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Love the lyric play between "heart so big but her bones are brittle" - it makes the mind push and pull a little. This has a Bryan Adams/Phil Collins kind of vibe to it. Great job! My one small critique would be to maybe give the piano a bit of reverb. Not too much, but your vocals are so spaced that the piano sounds a little sharp/harsh. This isn't a must though, awesome work!
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Hi @Mella (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22168) thanks for your thoughtful feedback. I listened to a couple of things on your SC page, you have a lovely voice. I look forward to hearing anything you post here. ;D
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I don't have anything new to add to the feedback you've already gotten, but I want to say something because I like this so much! It actually brings tears to my eyes. So beautiful! I liked it before, but I don't remember the previous version being so moving as this one.
Vicki
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Hi lostboy.
I am a bit late to this, really like it, vocal is smooth and really easy on the ear.
Nice keys too, although I think I would compress more to ease those early transients but that doesn't take away from the song at all or your guys playing, Great playing, lots of dynamics...
Thumbs up here,
Andy
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Hi Leo
Wow, what a beautiful song. I'm a sucker for a big vocal reverb, and try hard to resist it myself these days as it's not so much the done thing... But it works very well here. I'd love to know more about your experience in hiring a real pianist. I mean the piano sounds great, so it was obviously worthwhile but it's not something I've ever considered for my own songs, up to this point.
Really enjoyed the listen, thank you.
Bill
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Listened to this a few times now, really like it, such a good song 8) can't see how it could be improved so no crits necessary..top stuff! :)
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Yo Leo.
This.is.lovely. in absolutely every way.
Pointless of me to try to imagine changes or crits,it's beyond all that for me. Peerless stuff and one to be proud of.
Off for another listen. :)
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Hit The Ground Running. Lost Boy
Beautiful engaging piano intro, leading to a lovely vocal melody that pulls at our heart strings. It’s a lovely song . The instrumentation is often delicate and thoughtful. I would like to hear the introduction of further instrumentation. I think this would then really steal the show. Fine work !
Paul
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Hi, Leo
First, I´m lost for worlds.
That piano intro and those beautiful vocal harmonies is to die for.
Really well done.
Loved the lyrics.
You got something special going here!
keep it up.
Best wishes
Tor Løvstad
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@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928) thanks so much Vicki, I’m so happy that it moved you. You might like the video that I’ve added for it now... :)
@Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) thanks man! I always appreciate Mix tips. I’m glad u like the song so much!
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) thanks as always dude!! I appreciate it a lot. I need to hear a new song from you...come on...get writing!, ;D
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) ah man! You are too kind as always Davy!! Thank you sir! U might like the video I’ve now attached... :D
@Wicked Deeds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19231) thanks very much mate! I definitely toyed with the idea of mooooore...but my mum told me off and said to keep it simple on this one. ;D I did NOT wanna spend any more time on that naughty step!!! ;D
@Tor Løvstad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22190) ah man! Thanks so much. I’m thrilled you like it so much. ;D
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Top top quality @LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481) .It's a wonderful song. The only thing that sticks out is your quiff in the first frame. You should be on the radio and TV man :)
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What a professional set up. The song sounds great!
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Well it's obviously superb, isn't it!
Lovely song, really just sounds radio ready. The piano is great, good call getting a pro in.
Agree with others that the vocals are a touch ambient in places, less double tracking, reverb and harmonies would work better for me (though you execute them all superbly!). I would use them for effect a little more and not by default.
But are subtle matters of taste, it is just great and the real deal. Well done.
Looked like a fun day out at the beach too! :)
Tom.
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I think you've achieved the sound you're going for. The video suits the song really well. Looked great and captured the mood of the story. Don't see any room for improvement.
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) haha! Leave my quiff alone!! ;D ;D I had a whole team that day, just working on my quiff alone!! ;D Tintins got nothing on me!! Hahah! Thanks John! I appreciate it.
@AnitaFox (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20043) thanks very much :D
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) thanks Tom, I’m so pleased u liked it. Means a lot. :D
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) thanks for giving it another listen mate! I appreciate it. :D
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That's a very nice video to accompany a great song. Looks like you should win Video of the Month too. Professional and emotionally controlled performance and a great setting/photography in which to tell your story.
(Mind, you could have worn something smarter for the video, made a bit of an effort, y'know. I don't know, kids these days! ;D)
Well done, however, seriously - really something to be proud of as a whole package there!
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WOW ;D ;D ;D
All your work is quality, and of a high standard. But this one has raised the bar to the top ;D
What are you going to do next ;D ;D
Don't think the video did the song justice. You certainly look the part, and the song is as good as,
if not better than, the stuff I'm hearing on the radio and TV. I'm a firm believer in 'Cream will always rise
to the top', and if you keep producing songs like this. I'm sure opportunities will come ;D ;D ;D
You're a star Leo ;D ;D . A true Lion of the Mountain ;D ;D . And when you're rich and famous, I'd
make an excellent assistant. I'm very good at carrying guitars ;D ;D
Wish I'd written it ::)......Loved it ;D
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Hi
Lovely song - music videos are so hard to get right, was it a drone at the beginning?
Really minor comment -
The very first line when you start singing seems to have a kind of 'flange' on your first couple of words but then all your vocals are great after that - it's in key and everything it just has a touch of too much effect on like the 2nd word.
Would be nice to maybe have some "booms" in there as well on some of the key bits as the song progresses - maybe a couple of cymbal swells. I would add them after the strings come in.
My comments are only subjective to my opinion, the song is lovely and recorded really well.
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@MichaelA (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21274) Oh that’s very kind of you Michael, but the video, I have to say was just a spontaneous bit of fun really. I’m glad you liked it though. I am happy with it, for what it is, but, If I was signed, or had any kind of budget, I would have liked to have told the story of the song, had flashbacks with the girl, present day stuff, etc... but, it’s hopefully better than a simple “lyric” video with a static picture in the background. Thanks again. ;D
@Binladeda (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18620) Wow! That was really lovely to hear mate. ;D Feedback like that is what keeps me motivated, so a HUGE thanks!! ;D haha!! “Lion of the mountain!” My wife had a laugh at that!! She said, “well you do sleep a lot!” ;D ;D ;D
@Featherstone (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21146) Thanks so much mate, detailed feedback like that is just what I need, so I really appreciate it. ;D
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Lots to like here - gorgeous vox and melody lines.
Solid lyrics too. Pro quality. ;D
I wonder if the vox treatment could be more subtle near the start, just to warm us up to the song before the fx kick in, but that's down to taste. Or maybe we don't expect that reverby sound on a beach ;D ;D
Lovely work all 'round
Paul
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Not keen on the song but that's down to personal taste more than anything. Great work with the video, i'd love to be able to do something like this.
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Bleeding gorgeous song beautifully realised. Superb vocals and a very effective, simple accompaniment. You knocked it out of the park with this. "Sometimes there are no words to speak"....yes indeed.
M
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Whato Leo
Really nice song, strong melody etc. sorry I missed it earlier, everything really great, the only thing to my ears is that your Lead Vocal is strong enough not to have the doubling on it, maybe bring it up in the mix in the verses and leave the doubling on the Choruses, it would make the passion your voice stand out more, and give some extra texture to the production.
hope this helps...
cpm