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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on July 01, 2018, 08:50:29 AM

Title: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 01, 2018, 08:50:29 AM
hi

So I wrote another. The lyrics were finished in a day, the music took a good while longer.

The song theme is "a return to innocence" sort of thing.

constructive criticism would be welcome
I hope someone likes it.  :D


https://soundcloud.com/rightly/walk-without-shame

____________________________


Walk Without Shame


I've heard the words before
I know what they say
how to find the way back home
to remove a stain
and once more with God in the garden
to walk without shame

what was won now is lost
the joys I once held dear
there is no call for remorse
as I find myself here
to ignite a light in the darkness
be done with all fear

to have come
and be gone with the first rain
to go home and once again
and once again

to walk without shame
to walk without shame


__________________________________
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: Neil C on July 03, 2018, 07:48:46 AM
Hi,
Get what you're saying. All done with your languid vocals it has own charm.
I think I found the drums a bit busy for my taste..
a grower
 :)
neil 
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 03, 2018, 10:22:20 AM
Quote from: Neil C on July 03, 2018, 07:48:46 AM
Hi,
Get what you're saying. All done with your languid vocals it has own charm.
I think I found the drums a bit busy for my taste..
a grower
 :)
neil

Thanks Neil.
languid - I had to look that up, to make sure.
I guess you're right. I think I achieved what I wanted here.
There's a quiet confidence in the voice, a settled determination.
The drums are a touch jumpier than usual, I really wanted a poppy feel with this one.

I'm glad you liked the song.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: redrhodie on July 07, 2018, 12:42:25 AM
Really like this, Rightly. The music is memorable, the lyrics are compelling, and the spoken vocals are really cool. I can't find anything to criticize.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: Bill Saunders on July 07, 2018, 12:05:36 PM
Hello Rightly

The vocal delivery is not a style that I particularly enjoy, but as you say, you have achieved what you wanted, and I can here the "quiet confidence" for sure. So the fact that it is not my "thing" vocals wise, is irrelevant.

What I really do like, is the brass instrumentation, which carries the song along really, really well. Perhaps the drums could have done with a little more variation.

Good stuff, well done
Bill
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 09, 2018, 12:25:11 PM
Quote from: redrhodie on July 07, 2018, 12:42:25 AM
Really like this, Rightly. The music is memorable, the lyrics are compelling, and the spoken vocals are really cool. I can't find anything to criticize.

Thanks Redrhodie
I'm glad you like it.
I still think it's more sung thank spoken
It's not exactly "take a walk on the wild side" style, nor is it what the lovely Joni had going on.
I've been listening to her lately. Amazing guitarist, she's got it all. :D

I'll send you another link.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 09, 2018, 12:28:25 PM
Quote from: Bill Saunders on July 07, 2018, 12:05:36 PM
Hello Rightly

The vocal delivery is not a style that I particularly enjoy, but as you say, you have achieved what you wanted, and I can here the "quiet confidence" for sure. So the fact that it is not my "thing" vocals wise, is irrelevant.

What I really do like, is the brass instrumentation, which carries the song along really, really well. Perhaps the drums could have done with a little more variation.

Good stuff, well done


Bill

Thanks for the constructive criticism Bill.
I like to try out different styles, I hope you hear something one day that you'll be able to enjoy without any reservation.
 :D
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: redrhodie on July 09, 2018, 01:40:18 PM
Quote from: Rightly on July 09, 2018, 12:25:11 PM
Quote from: redrhodie on July 07, 2018, 12:42:25 AM
Really like this, Rightly. The music is memorable, the lyrics are compelling, and the spoken vocals are really cool. I can't find anything to criticize.

Thanks Redrhodie
I'm glad you like it.

I'll send you another link.


Another link? Did you send me one before?

I wish I could appreciate Joni Mitchell. She was ruined by too many plays over too many years at a job I used to have. I know she's brilliant but I still can't listen to her voice. She actually used to come in to that shop.

I absolutely understand some people might have the same reaction to my voice. Haha. It's nothing personal against her. She seemed like a nice person.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 09, 2018, 02:23:42 PM
Quote from: redrhodie on July 09, 2018, 01:40:18 PM
Quote from: Rightly on July 09, 2018, 12:25:11 PM
Quote from: redrhodie on July 07, 2018, 12:42:25 AM
Really like this, Rightly. The music is memorable, the lyrics are compelling, and the spoken vocals are really cool. I can't find anything to criticize.

Thanks Redrhodie
I'm glad you like it.

I'll send you another link.


Another link? Did you send me one before?

I wish I could appreciate Joni Mitchell. She was ruined by too many plays over too many years at a job I used to have. I know she's brilliant but I still can't listen to her voice. She actually used to come in to that shop.

I absolutely understand some people might have the same reaction to my voice. Haha. It's nothing personal against her. She seemed like a nice person.

I've sent you a link to another version of this song of mine.
I sometimes wish I cold sing more melodiously like Joni does, still I don't think it necessary to convey the song.
 
It seems every couple of years I come to realise how good she was.
Yes, too many plays can desenesitize the listener.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: redrhodie on July 09, 2018, 02:49:59 PM
Weird, I haven't gotten it.

Your voice and singing are great. The way you sing puts a lot if emphasis on your words, which is where the focus of your songs should be. But yes, sometimes I wish I had more range and could sing the high notes like Jack Simmons.  The grass is always greener, so they say.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: refusedrevival on July 11, 2018, 09:16:49 AM
Hi,

The music is good, but the tempo is too slow or dragging for my taste.
I agree the others, the drums could have little more variation.

Nothing else I want to criticise, well done!

refusedrevival
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 15, 2018, 01:52:13 PM
Quote from: refusedrevival on July 11, 2018, 09:16:49 AM
Hi,

The music is good, but the tempo is too slow or dragging for my taste.
I agree the others, the drums could have little more variation.

Nothing else I want to criticise, well done!

refusedrevival

Thanks for the feedback Refusedrevival.

I'll certainly have a closer look at the drums. I'll try to calm them down in places and look for some variation in places. 
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: Paulski on July 15, 2018, 03:33:32 PM
Hi Rightly

I remember these lyrics - great stuff IMO.
This is hypnotic musically and really pushes the title/hook - which works for me. :)
I liked the vox - couldn't hear it any other way - very unique IMO

Solid work
Paul
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 16, 2018, 10:24:41 AM
Quote from: Paulski on July 15, 2018, 03:33:32 PM
Hi Rightly

I remember these lyrics - great stuff IMO.
This is hypnotic musically and really pushes the title/hook - which works for me. :)
I liked the vox - couldn't hear it any other way - very unique IMO

Solid work
Paul

Thanks Paul.
This one will have 3 or 4 different versions. Different singers and instruments too.
A simple song which somehow brought me further.
Listeners may find fault with it, and at times their obsevations are in accord with my own, but I really enjoy this song.

 :)
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: Skub on July 20, 2018, 02:09:26 PM
Yo Rightly.

I like the way you use the fall of man/original sin story as a parallel with personal loss and regret.  As always,your lyrics inspire and enthuse me. I must be attuned to your level of oblique .  :D

More than ever I think your music is a vehicle for the words and this carries the message with authority.
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: Movin Flavour on July 29, 2018, 05:50:16 PM
Good lyrics .....really poignant.

Love how you added hooks to the backing to the lyrics....clever.

Leaves me want to listen again.

Sandeep
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: montydog on July 31, 2018, 03:08:51 PM
Hi Rightly,

Great vocals, loved the arrangement especially the horns. This reminded me of 80's indie pop which is a very good thing. The song is brilliantly put together and so original with some lovely warm touches. I loved the drums BTW.

I have no nits - this is such a bleedin' brilliant piece - I absolutely loved it.

M
Title: Re: walk without shame
Post by: rightly on July 31, 2018, 04:42:53 PM
Quote from: montydog on July 31, 2018, 03:08:51 PM
Hi Rightly,

Great vocals, loved the arrangement especially the horns. This reminded me of 80's indie pop which is a very good thing. The song is brilliantly put together and so original with some lovely warm touches. I loved the drums BTW.

I have no nits - this is such a bleedin' brilliant piece - I absolutely loved it.

M

@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) @Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) @montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653)

yeh!
thanks! always a thrill to see, read words of appreciation from you really talented guys.

I really like this version too.
it was only meant as a demo (I shouldn't have posted it), something for others to work on.
Another version, with other singerS is well underway.
There's also a better version I do on my own.

Such a damn simple song.
I wrote it to distract myself from a pointless depression.
I was marching through town with my guitar and one beer after another
took about 4 (only) hours . Then into cubase.

Look out for those other versions.

Thanks for the feedback!