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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: LostBoy on June 05, 2018, 03:09:31 PM

Title: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: LostBoy on June 05, 2018, 03:09:31 PM
Hi everyone,

Just finished this one. I’ve kept it simple, just a piano and a cello...oh and a voice or two!! :D

All thoughts are useful to me, so please don’t be shy.  ;) :D

Thanks as always

https://soundcloud.com/leo-b-5/hit-the-ground-running

Lyrics.
Verse 1.
I see tears fall from her eyes
Says she’s running out of sky
Falling down
Falling down

Chorus
I’ve known her since we were little
A heart so big, but her bones are brittle
She falls so hard
It’s learning how to hit the ground running

Verse 2.
I just pull her close to me
Sometimes there’s no words to speak
Cry it out
Cry it out

Bridge.
Trouble in the Sky
She takes my hand
I try to break her fall
So she can land
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: montydog on June 05, 2018, 03:45:25 PM
Ah this is nice after having my ears assaulted by reviewing all those drum track competition entries.

This definitely my favourite song of yours. Such tenderness in the lyrics and delivery. You have chosen the musical setting perfectly and your lyrics are wonderful. What more can I say - this is a truly exceptional, beautiful piece of work.

M
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: PaulAds on June 05, 2018, 03:55:45 PM
Great soaring vocals!

Loved the strings too

I wondered if the earlier piano arpeggios were a little too much and could have been stripped down a bit in the verse to give some contrast as it began to feel a little relentless...and then the piano changed. A bit spooky, that! It was just a thought, anyway...no big thing at all!

Lovely simple and heartfelt story.

I don’t think you’ve got a mediocre song or performance in you  :)
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: redrhodie on June 05, 2018, 05:08:27 PM
Wow, so beautiful. Really lovely atmosphere. Really moving lyrics and emotionally sung. The big heart/ brittle bones image is really thought provoking. I can relate.

I can't think of anything to do differently. It's perfect as it is.

Lynn
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: Almosthumanrobot on June 05, 2018, 09:53:24 PM
Damn man I love this. Really relaxed and truly beautiful. Don't really know what else to add dude. I think you just absolutely nailed what you were going for. Maybe I'd change the cello in the bridge part a bit, but I wouldn't really know what to do with it to be honest. IMO it's a little bit too intrusive in the mix right now. Other than that, really really good work!
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: LostBoy on June 06, 2018, 10:59:52 AM
@montydog (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18653) Wow! That’s so great to hear. Thanks so much Alan.  :D

@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253) Cheers fella! I appreciate the feedback.  :D

@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) Thanks so much Lynn.  ;D
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: Jamie on June 06, 2018, 02:43:55 PM
Hi, beautiful, love the melody it hangs all the right notes! Great singing and I love the piano. Reminded me a bit of early Chicago melodies (not in a plagiaristic way, but in the soaring quality).Didn't feel like 4.5 mins! Cello fitted in seamlessly.
Fab, just fab.
Cheers
Jamie
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: LostBoy on June 08, 2018, 06:24:40 AM
@Almosthumanrobot (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21204) Thanks so much buddy. That's great to hear. I appreciate you taking the time to listen and comment.

Leo  :D
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: Mike67 on June 08, 2018, 08:27:33 AM
Lovely song and lyrics are spot on. I think simpler piano for the first verse and perhaps dropping it in the mix would help the song build a little; the full arpaggio's nice, but maybe too much too early. Love the way it all falls off towards the 3 min mark, and the vocals are stunning but maybe need to be a tad higher in the mix? Great work.
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: Skub on June 08, 2018, 11:11:21 PM
Yo Leo.

Soundcloud informs me the song has been removed?  ???
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: LostBoy on June 09, 2018, 05:47:06 AM
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) Hey man, I’ve put it back up, but it’s pending a new (real) piano accompaniment, so please bare that in mind when listening.  :D
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: katiewilson1 on June 09, 2018, 03:10:01 PM
What a lovely song - quite sad for me but liked it a lot - your voice is fantastic - production is top quality - for me even though not my kind of stuff - it's a masteprpiece

Must be in the running for song of the month already - just came together perfectly - -10 out of 10
Title: Re: Hit the ground running (solo gig)
Post by: Skub on June 09, 2018, 09:52:16 PM
Yo Leo.

It's a beautiful song Man.

Even on first listen,it sounds like I've known it all my life. Familiar,yet not derivative.

Since you aren't finished with the song I'll wait until you are before reposting the hell out of it.

Gorgeous work.  8)