The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: ScottLevi on May 26, 2018, 12:44:48 PM
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Hey hey,
Had hoped to get some feedback in before posting - but panic submitting this as I'm not sure on the deadline and out for the rest of the day. Hopefully I've earnt the trust that I will review the other entires despite lack of recent activity.
Wanted to say thanks again to Paul & Pompz for getting this going!
So another DNMC hammerer - though I managed to sneak in my messy wet-recorded electric straight from he amp to mic:') Luckily Daz is very good at turning my mess into something reasonable - and as always very grateful he gives me the time of day and lets us build a vision together! All credit on that dirty, fuzzy bass too!
Hope y'all enjoy - and as always any time given to listen and give feedback is muchly appreciated.
They say depression is anger turned inwards
So now it's time to turn it Inside out
Unleash the fury within us
Now it's time you gotta hear me out
I'll smash my pool que over the table
So you know what I'm all about
I'll choke you out with a steel cable
Now you know just how I felt
I got this anger burning me away
Like I've drank a cup fucking acid
Its Its fucking rancid,
Need to take it away
I got my my line of sight and you're in it,
Like it's already fucking planned
And the guns are manned
So now I'll make it easy,
Boiiiy, I hope your ready to fight
Left hook, right jab,
Get you with a back-stab
Left jaw, right cheek,
Watching out for flying teeth
Flying kick, knee drop,
Got me with a lip pop,
Superman, drop the nut,
Watch out for the upper cut
Boiiiy, I hope your ready to fight
Boiiiy, I hope your ready to fight
Combat knife, A K,
Get you with a frag granade
Frag jacket, bullet vest,
Look out for my gang crest,
Minigun, crossbow,
Got me with a low blow,
Wolverine, magnum,
Looking out for mad men
Bare hands, long nails,
Smash your head on steel rails,
Steel chains, knuckle dusters
Keep an eye on mother fuckers
Boy, I hope you're ready to fight.
They say depression is anger turned inwards,
So now it's time to turn it outside in,
Contain the fury within us,
Its time to know that you'll never win,
All the best,
DNMC
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Nice one Scott.
This is upbeat, excellent vocals and lyrics.
Makes my material seem old school, conventional.
You must have quite an album tucked away.
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This is brilliant fellas :)
It fits in with the drum track perfectly yet sounds totally contemporary...lyrics are great and the somewhat threatening and sinister delivery gives it a real edge.
Top(per) stuff !
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Hi Scott and Darren. I love it when you two get together as you always come up with something unique and interesting. I'm loving this. That dirty, loopy bass riff drives the whole thing together and there are lots of little surprises popping up all the place. Suits the drum track perfectly. You're on top form vocally Scott and some great lyrics as well. Top of the pops :)
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Hi! How nice that you managed to give more of a driving beat to the drum track! I think it's mostly the aggressive vox+ lyrics but the drums have this lo fi sound that makes for a good edge.
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Man, this is angry. I really like it. Really cool. Way too short. Like the machine gun vocals. Pure punk. I have been compelled to listen to it several times. It's really awesome. What do you guys call this? A grower? I think that's what you have here.
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WOW - this is so angry! And contemporary in a 1978 punkish sort of way if that is possible. It fits the beat so well- very good stuff indeed.
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Has a real edge to it - powerful doesn't let you look away - hard subject to write about -good simple punchy lyrics - gets the adrenalin going
Marks out of 10 a 7
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Guys,
This track has Balls, and big ones at that.....Ballsy.
Love it, That bass gives it some serious drive....
Vocals, angry and cool,
Thumbs up here.......Trash that hotel room and throw the tele out of the window....
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Yo Scott and Darren.
You iz angry rite?
This stays true to the original drum track and sticks a size 12 Doc Martin in yer face!
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IMHO this is the best vocal I have heard from you
The almost "rap" slant works really well and you capture the angst and emotion perfectly
I just think the lead vocal needs a little more "tlc" with the processing to get it cutting through the mix a little more - it is a little "woolly" at the moment
The bass is also taking up a lot of the mix so I think some EQ to tighten the bass and get the vocal cutting through would really help
The accent/backing vocals are pure genius - fantastic stuff!
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Rap is totally not my thing, but it does suit this beat really well. I don't have any recommendations for improvements, except I would like the vocal to stand out better, be more clear. I think it's the most important element and needs to show it. My opinion, anyway.
Vicki
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I'm getting a lot of Rage Against the Machine type attitude here - love that. The lyrics are incredibly well crafted - so much rhythm and rhyme but not feeling contrived at any moment. And the main hook is really memorable. "Booooiy"!
Yes, the vocals are slightly distant for my taste, but this is just a great colab really benefitting from the best of both of you.
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Yeah that's brill guys. Agree with the comments that the vocals could be less muddy but the attitude still comes through in spades, that busy electronic bassline is a winner, and the guitars are a dystopian joy.
Yeah Boiiiy!
Smash the system!
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Good one Scott...you really get into this one and the quickfire delivery is bloody good. Spat out attitude really gets going as you go along fits that backing perfectly.
Bass is great and guitar suitably dirty but could've exploded into the foreground at the end maybe...yeah could have gone on longer the whole thing I reckon...still....your call!
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Much appreciating all listens and comments!!
Scott is great to work with...we tend to just throw ideas at each other and see what sticks! It's always a surprise to see where he will take a song as his vocals and melodies are always so much different to what I have in my head!
When he sent me this I just smiled in awe of his vocal style! Great delivery! My job was simple ....to slap a bass line to the back of vocals and it's nice to hear the kind comments about it :) ...and then Scott added a sprinkle off fuzzy guitar and vowalla (?)
It's great to hear the positive reviews and the helpful critique! I will be about most of the weekend so will get listening and reviewing ;) got some catching up to do!
Thanks again all
Darren
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Hi Darren
Another f-bomber fighting track - hehe just came off the other good fight song.
This is great - has an angry feel just like the clash track demands.
Vocals are good - could use a bit of compression to bring them forward a bit.
The synths are sinister - nice!
Wow so many amazing tracks in this comp. :D :D
Good work!
Paul
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Haha! Love it mate! I'd want you on my team in "Call of duty!" ;D
The music is fab! I LOVE the little touches, like how you sing "unleash!" & that chorus is a great hook, which is really hard to do as it's just a one liner really.
Only thing I noticed is that in some parts of the vocal it's quite hard to hear what you're saying.
Great track though. Congrats! 😁
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The arrangement is cool - the guitars & bass are so dark and threatening. Really different from the rest of the entries.
Production wise, I agree the vocals need a bit of work to sit well in the mix.
The decision to cut the drums and keep the track pretty short is good - somehow it makes it more angry - you throw your message in our faces then storm off stage, as it were. thats cool
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enjoyed this
first song i heard in the comp..
trains a coming ..
another excellent intro, these comp intros alone could be voted on..
lyric & vocal comes across really strong singing free
on a neat groove and love the bassline
great stuff
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Hi, it's mostly been said, and I enjoyed it too! Felt touches of Iggy Pop and Devo in places,good stuff chaps!
Cheers
Jamie
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Really like the idea and loved the fuzz bass.
Found the vocal way too low in the mix so hard to hear the words, which seems a shame in this sort of tune.
I would push em up much higher.
Another awesome entry for the comp!