The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: MichaelA on May 16, 2018, 02:29:38 PM
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Hi all! I recently upgraded my Soundcloud to a paid subscription and was happy to see you can replace old song files without losing your stats/likes/comments etc. I started posting SC tracks about 2 years ago when I first started messing around with Garageband - which was the first music I had written since my long lost youth. Anyhow, I have been revisiting one or two older tracks of late, thinking that I can now record them a bit better after a couple of years practice - although I do realise I am still a novice!
Here's one anyway -The Dog, The Cat, The Mouse, The Rat, The Snake & The Bat - a 2 year old that I've revamped over the past couple of days:
-Resung vocals and added some lyrical variety to chorus.
-Added harmonies
-Changed acoustic guitar for ukelele
-Changed all percussion parts, adding shaker
-Added synth embellishments
I'm a bit happier with it now, so here it is https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/the-dog-the-cat-the-mouse-the-rat-the-snake-the-bat (https://soundcloud.com/michael-a-duffy/the-dog-the-cat-the-mouse-the-rat-the-snake-the-bat)
Hopefully the production is not too 'full'. that's my main concern.
LYRICS:
The Dog, the Cat, the Mouse, the Rat, the Snake, the Bat
Thought love was ecstasy
But never a menagerie
Should I try flattery
But don’t think that will work
I’m human I need love
Not stick insects and turtle doves
Not the dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
Oh Princess
Don’t want to end up second best
I need love and nothing less
But you love your dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
Oh Princess
Doctor says I’m really stressed
I need love and that’s no jest
But you love your dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
Thought love would really grow
In our two bedroom bungalow
But I’m like Romeo
Without a Juliet
What’s a poor man to do
Trapped in this suburban zoo
With the dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
RPT CHORUS
I think you should know
This may come as a blow
And it may make you sad
But I’ve done something bad
So don’t be upset
I can be every pet
Be the dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
Oh Princess
Don’t want to end up second best
I need love and nothing less
So I shot your dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
Oh Princess
Doctor says I’m really stressed
I need love and that’s no jest
But you love your dog, the cat
The mouse, the rat, the snake, the bat
We need to chat
If this is maybe a problem
We need to chat
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Yo Michael.
I love the whole quirky concept of this song,it appeals greatly my inner Syd Barrett and my 60s nostalgia.
Clever lyrics are miles above the everyday/banal. The cat,slide sound is inspired and an earworm!
An absolute fresh pleasure. Thing is,I loathe ukes,yet this is a fine example of how wrong I can be.
Marvellous. 8)
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This is a superb song. Listened to it several times this evening. Its VERY Syd Barratt - but with slightly more structure and polish. Its very catchy in a slightly subtle way. One of my favourite songs so far this year. Absolutely great work and inspirational to me that you did it on Garageband - i must upgrade my IPAD asap.
I hear the 2018 IPad at £319 is pretty good. Not spending anymore on a fancier version.
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Hey Michael
That's a fun ditty in many ways (lyrically & choice of instruments).
The hook line comes around a lot really quickly... I think I'd have preferred slightly longer verses so it doesn't get over used?
But it's for sure got a charm, it's almost nursery rhyme like (made me think of 'There was an old woman who swallowed a fly...'). I can see that Syd playfulness in it too. Liked the slide a lot too.
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Hi @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) , thanks for that. I like Syd Barrett myself, so am happy being mentioned in the same breath as him! The dying cat synth seems to split opinion, so I am glad you are on its side cos I really like it! ;)
Cheers @mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769) , yes Garageband is fine these days for my needs. I did try Ableton but found it too complicated - too many buttons, ha ha! I like working on my ipad on trains or when away from home, it's just like the old portable mini-recorders of old, but better of course! Thanks for the appreciation there.
Hi @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) , cheers for that. Yes the hook is somewhat repetitive, but then subtlety is not my strong point, ha ha! They sure don't write songs like that old woman fly song anymore - that was great! Maybe I should have a go! ;)
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Very good information. I like this topic a lot.
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Very cheerful song :) Everything sounds good in terms of mastering. My highlight at 2:24 till 2:40. Sounds very well.
Best Regards,
Slava B.