The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: RealKevM on May 15, 2018, 01:26:43 PM
-
I posted a live early version of this a short while ago and took on board some of the helpful advice to improve the song. Recorded using a Boss BR 80 digital recorder. As always the vocals are iffy to say the least. Let me know what you think what you like about the song and any changes you think would benefit it
Lyrics
Summers here again
Should be out with your friends
Been two days since he wanted space
and a week since he saw your face
Swipe right here I am
I wanna hear about all your plans
How you're gonna live by the sea
How you're just the same as me
Chorus
Don't you know i'm out here too
Scratching around for someone like you
Here come our sliding doors
Give me faith in this town once more
Second verse
I'll dry the tears that you've tasted
if you roll back the years that I wasted
I know i'll only let you down
But i'll always want you around
Swipe right here I am
I wanna tell you about all my plans
How i'm gonna live by the sea
How i'm gonna sing good to be free
Chorus
https://soundcloud.com/realkevm2/swipe-right
-
Hi Kev.
That song is taking shape....I can hear where you are going with it too. Great work.
Heres what I think....IMHO only.
Your chorus isn't different in melody enough from your verses, so our ear can hear a significant change of section.
I think I would go for a different chord structure on the chorus to make it sound like a new section.
The Verses strumming pattern is cool, maybe change the melody a bit on the second half of the verse to add a bit of Variation.
Another thing you could try is to move the Capo around and try it in different Keys, I do this a lot to try and figure out what suits my vocal range before we start so I am not straining at any point. BUT, I ain't no pro singer for sure or songwriter either.:-)
Cool track Kev, its coming along nice.
Cheers
Andy
-
Hi Andy cheers for having a listen, something to bear in mind it's sound advice.
-
Hi Kev.
That song is taking shape....I can hear where you are going with it too. Great work.
Heres what I think....IMHO only.
Your chorus isn't different in melody enough from your verses, so our ear can hear a significant change of section.
I think I would go for a different chord structure on the chorus to make it sound like a new section.
The Verses strumming pattern is cool, maybe change the melody a bit on the second half of the verse to add a bit of Variation.
Another thing you could try is to move the Capo around and try it in different Keys, I do this a lot to try and figure out what suits my vocal range before we start so I am not straining at any point. BUT, I ain't no pro singer for sure or songwriter either.:-)
Cool track Kev, its coming along nice.
Cheers
Andy
Absolutely agree with that statement.
RealKevM, obviously I heard this track I while ago when you have uploaded it I can say for sure that the sound quality has significantly improved, great job. I would give my personal opinion on top what Andy said, there are times where you sing out of tune, try to re-sing them parts in a different and more comfortable way for you if you can not hit those notes. And once again like Andy said, bring the variety to the track as it sounds very monotone.
Keep up with a good work RealKevM ;)
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
-
Chees Slava, working hard to improve :) steps in the right direction though
-
I like the lyrics and the song theme.....but I am hearing more than a taste of Wonderwall going on there 8)
-
I like the lyrics and the song theme.....but I am hearing more than a taste of Wonderwall going on there 8)
Cheers man, yeah it is erm influenced by that song shall we say :)
-
This is sounding really good. The lyrics are compelling. Agree maybe try changing the strumming in the chorus, but I like the way it's kind of relentless, actually. Maybe that's the point of it. It feels kind of anxious as it is, and maybe that's how it should be. Anyway, like what you've done.
Cheers,
Lynn
-
This is sounding really good. The lyrics are compelling. Agree maybe try changing the strumming in the chorus, but I like the way it's kind of relentless, actually. Maybe that's the point of it. It feels kind of anxious as it is, and maybe that's how it should be. Anyway, like what you've done.
Cheers,
Lynn
Cheers Lynn that's made my day.
-
For anyone keeping track of this songs progress (if anyone! lol) I performed it live last weekend at the Springboard Festival
-
And again last week somewhere else