The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: rightly on May 09, 2018, 05:32:28 PM
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I've posted this song before, in it's original form with me performing it.
This one is different. A pop band covered it, and added to it.
They stuck some cash into the production,
there's even a video now on youtube.
I'm quite happy with what they did with it
but I still prefer the original.
Feedback would be very welcome. I hope you enjoy it.
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/masquerade-lapwings-rightly
Masquerade
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if I could see you, one time, the way you dress
If I could see you as you are
the way God made you in the dress of Eve
the way you may silently weep
but all I see is masquerade
all I see here is deceit
if I could hear you, one time, the way you speak
if you have anything to say
sing me a song however quietly
won't you come step out of the shade
'cause all I see is masquerade
and all that I hear is masquerade
'caught between a very tight space and a
long length of time
I've no use for anything that's not
completely mine
take back your olive branch, your bird of freedom,
mountain highs and valley lows
pomp n circumstance in need of reason
trim n prune that bloody rose
'cause all I see is masquerade
all I see here is deceit
if I could see you, one time,
the way you are
______________________
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the original is here
https://soundcloud.com/rightly/masquerade-1?in=rightly/sets/compatible_monologues
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It's a beautiful version Rightly.
Is that a Viola or cello they use? Man there is some musical warmth of that piece of wood.
I watched the vid and I see it's a cello. :)
Very cool vid,Rightly,plus the almost 14k views will give you some great publicity for your songs. Well deserved.
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It's been so well done Rightly. An absolute compliment to your totally original writing style. I'm sure that ithe gives you a huge buzz that you are so well thought of as a writer as you have a huge talent man. BTW I love listening to your raw unaltered stuff so much as well. Cool
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It's a beautiful version Rightly.
Is that a Viola or cello they use? Man there is some musical warmth of that piece of wood.
I watched the vid and I see it's a cello. :)
Very cool vid,Rightly,plus the almost 14k views will give you some great publicity for your songs. Well deserved.
Thanks Skub.
It is a very good version. I'm friends with the singer.
I remember after I'd offered him the song and sent a demo, he quickly developed a raw enthusiasm for the song.
I heard him play it on a few stages, even at that stage I considered the project a success.
To my surprise, other folky friends strongly disagreed with the whole idea.
These friends asked to explain myself more than once.
I should explain myself when they are acting irrationally?
Later on, it was these people that also voiced a negative opinion about me making songs with cubase. I think I've given up on hoping to understand them one day.
This song though, yes they've done a great job! My favourite part is toward the end when Natasha kicks in with the cello solo.
A top performance all round really.
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It's been so well done Rightly. An absolute compliment to your totally original writing style. I'm sure that ithe gives you a huge buzz that you are so well thought of as a writer as you have a huge talent man. BTW I love listening to your raw unaltered stuff so much as well. Cool
Thanks pompeyjazz.
I always new this song was good. I wanted more people to hear it.
Although I do like my own style, warts n all, til death do us part, I know I can't resonate with folks who like the smoother (more commercial) sound.
This version works very well.
One can hear the enthusiasm, and also the passion particularly in the cello solo and the voice.
The lyrics are accessible and concise.
Some months ago I offered the band a more playful song and they, in a round about way, respectfully declined. Lol.
There are two other, actually three, songs in my bag that I intend to offer them.
The usual songwriter of the band isn't a native English speaka and welcomes my suggestions.
At times I feel motivated to write them a powerful, stone cold classic popsong.
Then I get invaded by the sobriety of "ok, and now?"
Still, I think I'll one day wake up, not hungover, well slept and well aligned with my lucky stars,
and I'll do what will seem inevitable, I'll deliver the song they want.
I felt flattered on first hearing this version and a rare satisfaction with my Boney-ass-self. An achievement.
I'm glad I turned away from the naysayers. I should do that more often.
A win win situation, for me and the band Lapwings.
Their material is to be found in all the usual places.
I'm grateful to them.
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You have a very rare talent Rightly...and you have something that most artists don't have, can't put my finger on it but there's something there.
keep it coming
cpm
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That's really cool. It's very different than your original, which is great. It's kind of a big step to be covered. Congratulations!
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You have a very rare talent Rightly...and you have something that most artists don't have, can't put my finger on it but there's something there.
keep it coming
cpm
Thanks cpm.
At times I wish this talent was easier to describe, determine.
I've been writing songs off and on for the last ... Well it's been just over three decades.
For almost all of that time my nearest, closest people have to varying degrees tried to discourage me, and sometimes succeeded.
Part of being creative, I think at least for me, is staying vulnerable.
Vulnerability can be disastrous.
I care less what people think these days.
I wish I'd have discovered carelessness much earlier.
This forum is packed with talent. I'm fortunate to have found it.
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That's really cool. It's very different than your original, which is great. It's kind of a big step to be covered. Congratulations!
Yes it's fun to be covered, often confusing on first listen.
There's a part in this cover where there are descending notes, to me this part sounds just like a part in "November Rain".I've always liked GnR.
I thought it was unimaginative of the the band and I found it irritating. My first impulse was to call the band and tell them to not do that.
I then remembered i originally suggested a collaboration, not a cover.
I first told them to make as many changes as they deemed fit, they responded with saying they wouldn't change a single note.
And this is the result.
And think it's a good strategy to make your offer and run for cover.
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That's really cool. It's very different than your original, which is great. It's kind of a big step to be covered. Congratulations!
Yes it's fun to be covered, often confusing on first listen.
There's a part in this cover where there are descending notes, to me this part sounds just like a part in "November Rain".I've always liked GnR.
I thought it was unimaginative of the the band and I found it irritating. My first impulse was to call the band and tell them to not do that.
I then remembered i originally suggested a collaboration, not a cover.
I first told them to make as many changes as they deemed fit, they responded with saying they wouldn't change a single note.
And this is the result.
And think it's a good strategy to make your offer and run for cover.
Oh, I see your point. I hear a lot of "coffee house" acoustic covers of rock songs that make me cringe. I can't imagine how the original artist must feel. Haha. But good for you for accepting it. It could be way worse.
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liking this cool laid back tune.
good work
:)
neil
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Hi,
Great work...all round ;D
Of course, I always knew there was a touch of the genius about your work. ;D
The 'success' here is for your approach, attitude and dedication to your art. Not,
just the song.........although that's not bad ;D ;D ;D
Always look forward to hearing your work my friend......
OUTSTANDING ;D ;D . Onwards.......
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Well I have had a couple of listens to this song and really like it a lot, if that is a cello nice touch, there is something soothing about a sparse cello sound
Good vibe If I heard this on the radio I would definitely turn up the volume
cheers
Lilly