The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Mikey on April 18, 2018, 07:43:49 PM
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This is a track we have had around for a while, but have finally completed it, here are the lyrics for you all to sing along, must be played at unsociably high volume for maximum enjoyment, hope you like it.
Mikey and Andy
Intro:
Why are you coming round here
Your always coming round here
Chorus:
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you want
Everytime I see you face
you are the one i need to replace
with your long black hair, walking round town and looking like a disgrace
You are my world of pain
i don’t want to be the one to complain but
something happening in your brain
Verse 1:
Now I know that I have given all the things you said were mine
I know you’d break them………
theres nothing left for you to use that will help you twist the knife
Its what you’ve become
Verse 2:
Our closing scene was always set and you said you’d play your part
but now your broken…
the truth is out and your demons they show their evil heart
Its what you’ve become
This is what you’ve become
© AtticVibes
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This is possibly a first track that I actually disliked on forum. First 12 seconds are fine, and then its like goes into a "pinky flower magnet" mode. Not to my taste, too soft, too commercialised, doesn't segregate from any other bands that write the same music just with different lyrics. Solo was nice.
Sorry for being honest, but this is what we here for.
Thank you.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Hi Slava.
Dude, I appreciate this track will not be everyone's cup of tea, but thanks for the listen and comment.
Cheers
Andy
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Great 'wall of sound' loving the vibe, it's right up my street.
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Yo Mike and Andy.
Love the use of the trem and feedback in the intro,man that's a start that got my attention!
Very effective use of octaves on the vocals. The monotone melody line really works in context and the soaring high notes stand in stark relief.
A lot of work has gone into crafting this piece and it's evident with the light and shade contained in the BIG overall sound.Great separation and stereo spread.
A personal favourite of mine. Everything has clicked into place for you guys,you are learning to play intuitively together.
I'm in a short song mood these days,so the length is my only possible criticism,but that's more than likely down to me,rather than anything constructive.
Off for another few listens.
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Thanks a lot Skub and Kevy, we worked hard on this one as it was a bit of a challenge to get it sounding just right, and the kind comments shows it was worth the effort, I know what you mean about working together with Andy, we feel that we are improving as we go and are blending Andy's Britpop with my old school rock styles quite effectively.
We are really pleased that you like it so much, especially as its a bit different to our usual style, thanks for taking the time to listen,
Cheers, Mikey
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Well I did listen to your song and I think it is a okay song. The lyric is not 100% to my likeness but the melody, I like it. Keep on doing what you love doing.
Irwin
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I love it really love it - maybe it's that oasis thing again- can imagine Liam singing this - definite oasis feel to it - I'm playing it again and again - I especially love the chorus - we must be on the same wave length wish I'd have written this - love the long black hair part
Really gets Into me wow xxx
And I love the picture on the cover as well
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Thanks Katie, glad you enjoyed it, we never intend to try and sound like Oasis or anyone else for that matter, but everyone seems to think Andy's voice has that sound, and that can't be a bad thing as a lot of people seem to like it.
Thanks for the listen and taking time to comment. Mikey
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Nice production on this one, clean lines and well integrated guitars. Got a great sheen to it.
Liked the tremolo on the vocals very much worked really well.
Lyrically not entirely clear on the story and some of it seems borderline mean
with your long black hair, walking round town and looking like a disgrace
Found the above line a little concerning, mainly because the context isn't clear.
Almost sounds like people with long black hair should be ashamed of themselves! ???
Beautifully presented bit of work.
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Hi Tboswell
Just for all you ladies out there - Me and Mikey don't have anything against women with Black hair.....Its just a song, not real life, Although we do know some unsavoury female characters that may fit the context of this song.
Keep it real and keep on rockin.
Andy
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Loads to like here guys! Not 100% my cup of tea musically but the attention to detail and creativity in the production cannot be denied, top class, But what happened to the drums? To me they need to come up in the mix, other than that, great job.
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Really great. Reminds me of Duran Duran, a good thing. Well written, sung, produced. Sounds very professional. I could see this performed center stage at a huge outdoor summer festival. Great job!
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Hi Mikey and Andy. I have duly played this at very high volume but now my neighbours are banging on the walls. Unappreciated gits eh ! There's a real festival feel to this one and lots of great guitar and vocals work going down there. It sort has a repetitious feel that can get under your skin which I guess you guys were aiming for. Top quality production btw. Well thought out. Good stuff as usual guys.
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Hi Guys. Appreciate the work you have put into this. It's very well produced as usual, well thought out. Slick is the word that springs to mind. I have to be honest, it doesn't stick in my head after listening like some of your others. Most of your songs are really hooky. This is not. Doesn't mean it's a bad song, just not up there with your best for me.
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Hi Guys,
Really pleased with the comments, very constructive and we always listen and take note.
@Ashes for Dreams (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21050)
Had a few listens again, and you are correct those drums could have been bigger......so have remastered the track with bigger drums and you were right, does sound better. So thanks for the heads up.
In response to the other comments on the style of this track.
Its been one of those tracks that's taken ages and that never seem finished and you can't quite put your finger on why. But we pushed on and finished it.
Ok, not our usual stuff, but must have been feeling this way when we wrote it at that time. Gotta go with the flow sometimes.
Thanks again for all the listens and I may have lost some of the comments on soundcloud as I have replaced the file.
Cheers
Andy
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H Guys, thanks for the great comments,
Ashes for Dreams, I see Andy has boosted up the drums, thanks for the suggestion, it does sound better.
Redrhodie, thanks a lot, glad you like it,
Mickey, yes it is a bit different, but we do try and vary the styles of each track, so they won't always appeal to everyone, but thanks for the positive comment.
Pompey, I expect the neighbours wanted you to turn it up! thanks for the great comment
Glad you all enjoyed it and thanks for taking the time to reply, Mikey
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This is possibly a first track that I actually disliked on forum. First 12 seconds are fine, and then its like goes into a "pinky flower magnet" mode. Not to my taste, too soft, too commercialised, doesn't segregate from any other bands that write the same music just with different lyrics. Solo was nice.
Sorry for being honest, but this is what we here for.
I don't dislike the track, but I agree with the sentiments above. Great intro with the How Soon is Now Guitar, vocals build up the excitement, and then there's no impact when the song actually starts. Very overproduced, safe, and omniloud. To my ears, there's a lot more potential here. It needs more dynamics for a start.
I appreciate that a lot of people actually like this sound though. It just leaves me cold, because I find that rock songs without rawness lack power. It's too sanitised for my taste, even though I like the composition itself.
+1 on the cool guitar solo!
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Damn, thanks @steevm (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22066) I was racking my brains for what that guitar sound reminded of!
This one does work at higher volume I think, it makes me ignore the lyrics (which doesn't mean that they're wrong, and in fact they sit nicely and don't interfere) and it really fills the room and washes over. Perhaps an album track as it isn't that hooky, but it's definitely a polished piece of rock and a great listen.
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Damn, thanks @steevm (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22066) I was racking my brains for what that guitar sound reminded of!
There's actually a guy on a couple of other forums I frequent who puts that sound into the intro of every second song he makes. So I'm very familiar with it :)
He's a big Smiths fan (I like them too), and it is a cool sound!
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Hi,
I like the energy of the song. Tight drum beat and good bass sound.
I don't like how the vocals are mixed but that's just my opinion. Also the guitar sound in the solo
could be better.
Good stuff, especially I like the catchy chorus.
refusedrevival
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Well, if this is what you've become, it's pretty fecking good ;D ;D
Seriously though - great rocking track. Vox are great. Not much that isn't great here IMHO.
Now I've got that hook in my head geesh!
Paul
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Thanks guys for taking the time to listen and comment, we are very pleased with all of the comments as overall everyone has found something positive to say.
We are pleased with the comments on the commercial sound and the quality of the mix, that is what we are aiming for, a polished professional sound as we are targeting the tracks to be sold or licensed, and that is the quality you need commercial market. we have successfully licensed a lot of our tracks, so I suppose we are doing something right!
Paulski, thanks a lot, we're glad you liked it, don't worry about the hook, I'm sure something will come along soon enough to push it out the other side :)
Cheers, Mikey
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Oh Yeah..... ;D ;D
It's a cracker guys. Great build, and very satisfying changes. Loved all the
elements used, especially liked the BV's toward the end...inspired ;D
Guitar tone and playing right in the zone for the piece. Can't fault anything
really. Classy vocals, production....the lot ;D
loved it...thanks ;D ;D
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Thanks a lot Bin, it was a bit of a mission to get it right, so we're very glad you enjoyed it.
Cheers mate, Mikey
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Well I dig pretty much everything you guys do... it's always got SWAGGER, and this one is no exception.
Yes it's an album track not a single in terms of hookiness, but it's still certainly not filler and has got lots going for it.
Standouts for me were the vocal treatment (the tremolo on it (can I nick that off you?) and the megaphone-esque effects), and also the really high-pitched BV line over the widdling guitar at the end - who's that? One of you? If so you must have been wearing pretty tight trousers. It's great. Oh, and the opening guitar sound is knockout too.
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Hi Pauly,
Help yourself, nick anything you want, the high pitched BV's came about because Andy's mrs shrank his underpants in the wash!, seriously, its a sample of a lady opera singer so we can't claim credit for that bit. Thanks for taking a listen and taking the time to comment, we're glad you enjoyed it.
Cheers, Mikey