The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Bill Saunders on April 16, 2018, 03:14:43 PM
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A few years ago I visited Venezuela and was struck by the polar extremes of wealth and poverty, often in juxtaposition. Golden sands of the Caribbean with opulent hotels, and yet, just behind this frontline, a desperate and often dangerous world exists.
That inspired this recently written song which is pure fiction - mixed and mastered by @Boydie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18510)
Hope you enjoy, play it loud and if you wish, please let me know what you think!
https://soundcloud.com/bill-saunders/murder-in-paradise (https://soundcloud.com/bill-saunders/murder-in-paradise)
Palm trees on the perfect golden sands
Adjacent to the cultural wastelands
It's black and white, not shades of gold
When God made this he broke the mold
In dusty heat a tragic crime scene
Eerie silence, and what might have been
Wasted lives on wasted streets
This slate will never be wiped clean
Another son, another brother delivered up for sacrifice
Eerie silence, what might have been
It goes untold, it goes unseen
Another murder in paradise
A pristine waiter forces a smile
Conjures cocktails but all the while
He's choking he's cracking on the inside
He lost it all, they chalked one up for their side
There’s nothing left but blood in the sand
Opulence goes hand in hand
With drudgery seen firsthand
There's nothing more to understand
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Whoa! Love that start. Those guitars grabbed me straight away.
Great song.
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You've got a really good song here.
Very unusual sound, overall.
I lived in South America for several years and there were some situations where I saw the news of a local murder seemed commonplace to folks living there.
These days I think with so many violent films available people desensitize to how terrible an act of murder is.
Great song.
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There's a bit of a Dead Kennedys feel to this in parts. The intro guitars and the vocal delivery/melody seem quite reminiscent, even if the sound is a lot less trashy...
... which makes me wonder if trashing things a bit more wouldn't be cool, especially given the subject matter and social commentary in the lyrics :)
But I like trashy; it might not be your thing.
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Hi, nice intro,love the guitar sounds throughout. I seem to recall that the other songs of yours I've listened to were a bit more acoustic and reflective, but a nice departure into a rockier vibe! Nice production too.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Thanks for your comments and compliments. I appreciate that noisy rock music isn't necessarily everyone's cup of proverbial. However, it was great fun to sing, play and record and since "having fun" with music is one of my main drivers, it has succeeded on that level.
My thanks also for @Boydie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18510) for his BRILLIANT and tireless work in remixing and mastering the track. He really did take it to the next level, and I am confident it is now presented in the best possible way.
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Love the guitar sound
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Hey I liked the lyrics very much, the guitar intro went on for 38seconds which bothered me a bit but hard electric guitar is not my thing but in saying that it is a well put together song. cheers Lilly
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I dig this Bill! It starts with a sinister bang and continues in that vein. It sounded quite "Goth" to me... like Killing Joke or Bauhaus maybe. I also really like the way the chorus melody leaps up and distinguishes itself from the verse. Could imagine it being cranked up to 11 too... backing vocals and so on? Really well sung, I like your vibrato a lot and the way the voice trades places with the guitar licks towards the end. And it doesn't fade out - tick!
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Great guitars in this, Bill...snappy and with loads of bite to them. Very good lyric and the vocal gave an unsettling feeling a bit like David Byrne in ye olde “psycho killer”
A really good listen :)
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I've listened to this (more than) a few times now. There's something haunting about it. I especially love the part where you sing "Another son, another brother, delivered up for sacrifice", There's a weird mix of it sounds wrong/it sounds right there which is difficult to explain.
Thank you for this song. I've really enjoyed listening to it.
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Yo Bill.
Good to give this another couple of listens.
I struggled to fit it into what I heard in my head,then Paul nailed it..It has the feel of Talking heads about it.
Boydie did a great job on the sound,sounds fresh and punchy!
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This is great Bill.
I read the lyrics and synopsis and then heard those opening guitar lines!! They set the scene so perfectly....and they transition into a really nice chord sequence before the main song starts. I really enjoyed this...I think it's a brilliant song and it's been very well produced.
Top work
Darren
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Hi,
Great intro, I really enjoyed this.
Some minor critique: Maybe the guitar sound could be more powerful.
Really good to listen!
refusedrevival
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My favorite verse is the one about the waiter - for me that's the core of the song - he inhabits both worlds and you could even think about making it "his" song. At the same time, that verse has a couple of moments where the way the words fit with the music is a bit stretched which I think I would probably try to fix for the future.
Great guitars and great hooks and production though - a really good listen.
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What a great surprise....loved this. Great song about the times we live in!!!!
Love the writing and simple production....has that punkish edge while being able to understand the words.
Bright and brittle......a crunching tune that I appreciate!!
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Love the guitar. Great rhythm. Very ominous vocals and lyrics. Interesting story. I found myself longing for a South American sound to connect me to the place more. I am not sure what, maybe a Spanish guitar, or some kind of percussion, just a thread that would run through it, I think. But really well done as it is.
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Excellent song Bill. The sound is (nearly) right up my street. I can also hear Talking Heads (which is great) but I really wanted to hear Dead Kennedy's (which would have blown me away) as it is it's a great rock song well produced. Your vocal delivery is a little clean and restrained alongside the great guitars and drums. Have a listen to Holiday in Cambodia for comparison. If you ever do this live give it some welly!
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This is a fab listen Bill. Digging that opening riff, it's pretty infectious. Your vocal style on this one is reminiscent of David Byrne. The lyrics are interesting and keep your attention throughout. Great playing and production. Really liked it.
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Hi,
Great intro! There could be some variation in the verses ... and the song could be one chorus shorter.
Nothing else I want to criticise, well played and good production.
I enjoyed to listen the song, Good stuff!
refusedrevival
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Love the guitars and the chords givevitca murder/mystery feel; and fed get the Talking Heads vibe, which I loved. Agree with Adam on the vocal scamming/phrasing, which could have been neater in places. A small not on a great song, well performed and we'll mixed.
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A good listen.
Liked the guitars and the vocal delivery.
Was not expecting that ending.
The song has a real 80s feel.
Sandeep
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Thank you all for taking the time to listen and comment on my song - I really appreciate it. The comparisons with David Byrne /Talking Heads and the general post-punk/new wave thing is very interesting as it is not really the sort of music I am consciously influenced by, or listen to, although I did kind of aim for that on this song. @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - I appreciate what you are saying about the the way the words fit the music - in this case it is an entirely deliberate ploy to attempt to make it more interesting and memorable!
Cheers all.
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Late to this party but I'm glad I came ;D
Solid rocker here - good lyrics - and your voice sounds a bit Jethro Tull which me liketh muchly.
Timing is a bit off in places but just adds to a live sound we don't get enough of.
Good work ;D ;D
Paul