The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: cowparsleyman on April 16, 2018, 08:16:35 AM
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Here's a little song about seeing Jesus on a bike one morning on the way to work, I would swear on the bible it was him, or at least the way Western societies like to portray him.
https://soundcloud.com/cowparsleyman/a-is-for-zebra
I recorded it about 3 years ago.
Gladly welcome any comments
Hope you like it.
cpm
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A fine idea.
It's good enough for you to revisit, maybe.
I like the opening and was wondering which way it'd go when the vocals came in.
They were suddenly there and they didn't disappoint, just not there long enough.
A nice listen, with promising ideas, just too short for me.
You're a very talented Mr.
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CPM,
Liking the funky intro, Great tone on the guitar.
Felt the vocals should come in earlier so it's more of a song than a jam but thats just me.
Enjoyed the jam though!
:)
neil
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A fine idea.
It's good enough for you to revisit, maybe.
I like the opening and was wondering which way it'd go when the vocals came in.
They were suddenly there and they didn't disappoint, just not there long enough.
A nice listen, with promising ideas, just too short for me.
You're a very talented Mr.
Thanks for the listen and your all too kind comments, Your absolutely right, it is way too short, and this was the start of my venture to longer songs like Casa Delirious, So I learned later on to not reveal too much too soon, but reveal the new ideas or hooks just before the listener was getting bored.
Maybe I do a remix...Have you got anything I can put in it?
You should have seen him, you would have written a song too.
Thanks again
cpm
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CPM,
Liking the funky intro, Great tone on the guitar.
Felt the vocals should come in earlier so it's more of a song than a jam but thats just me.
Enjoyed the jam though!
:)
neil
Hi Neil
Thanks for the listen and you kind comments, I really did not know where this tune was going as I was tracking it.
Regarding the Axe, I too was pleased with the tone of the guitar. For your info the guitar is a custom strat which I put together myself, a mighty mite ebony neck, and a quilted maple top on an ash body (blinking heavy), with Fender fat 50 pickups (neck pos), played through a Palmer FAT 50 amp, mic'd up with a condensor mic. (I bought a Fender Standard strat once and never again, played and sounded awful - 1975 white with maple neck)
I was after the Clapton sound on Kate Bush's 'And so is Love', I could get it by buying a Fender Hot Rod Deville, but I don't want 2 amps, so I bought a joyo American pedal that emulates one for £20 and that does the job perfectly, I'm also thinking about the Fender emulation plugin from this forum, seem to have good feedback....
Anyway, catch you later Neil.
cpm
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I like this. Loved the synth bass and how it came in and out but i was missing it a little bit once the vocals came in (wanted to hear it again).
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I like this. Loved the synth bass and how it came in and out but i was missing it a little bit once the vocals came in (wanted to hear it again).
Thanks for taking the time to listen Jack
Glad you liked it, I'll bear your advice in mind.
Regards
cpm
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Lovely shuffle rhythm, good vibe. I like the guitar tone, more than a touch of Eric Clapton in there. Must have been fun to record and come up with something that to my ears sounds very original in a sort of retro way, if that makes any sense.
It would be interesting if you developed this into a full length song - it does sound like the first two minutes of something that could last five or six minutes, or even longer, without boring the listener.
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Lovely shuffle rhythm, good vibe. I like the guitar tone, more than a touch of Eric Clapton in there. Must have been fun to record and come up with something that to my ears sounds very original in a sort of retro way, if that makes any sense.
It would be interesting if you developed this into a full length song - it does sound like the first two minutes of something that could last five or six minutes, or even longer, without boring the listener.
Hi Bill
Thanks for the comments, you are always so constructive in what you say. It was great fun to do. No I didn't make a full length song form this, but I might just do that after my next couple releases, just finishing them off.
I approach each song differently, anything can get through the door, but nothing that most folk would expect, I just want it to be fresh and different, that I learn something from the experience and I like it.
If you send me a 10s sample of something you've done, via PM, I might just put it in the next version.
rgds
cpm
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Hi CPM
really like the vibe of that! There's something about the rhythm and the single percussion hit later in the pattern that makes it sound like an old wonky bike going slowly. Great guitar tone - there is something a touch Zappa-ish about it. Would (like the others have said) to hear more.
cheers
Dave
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Yo CPM.
I enjoyed this. Loved the main groove,like a EDM reincarnation of JJ Cale and the breeze. Cool tasty guitar licks here and there were a lovely contrast to the synth sound.
I'd be devil's advocate and say the length was just fine,but then I am a big fan of songs under 3 minutes.
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
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Hi CPM
really like the vibe of that! There's something about the rhythm and the single percussion hit later in the pattern that makes it sound like an old wonky bike going slowly. Great guitar tone - there is something a touch Zappa-ish about it. Would (like the others have said) to hear more.
cheers
Dave
Hi Dave, thanks for your listen, very kind of you. Yeah I found the vibe sort of hypnotic, that's a brilliant description of the pattern, an old wonky bike, maybe I sample one. Glad you like the guitar sound.
I did enjoy doing it, so maybe I do some more...who knows, send me something to include in v2....
thanks again Dave
cpm
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Yo CPM.
I enjoyed this. Loved the main groove,like a EDM reincarnation of JJ Cale and the breeze. Cool tasty guitar licks here and there were a lovely contrast to the synth sound.
I'd be devil's advocate and say the length was just fine,but then I am a big fan of songs under 3 minutes.
Whato Skub, how's things cookin' in your kitchen?
Thanks for the listen and glad you liked the groove, I never heard any JJ Cale nor the breeze, so I'm a bit un informed I'm afraid. As I said in one the earlier replies, I love to mix things up a bit. When I first mixed EDM with guitar it wasn't a roaring success, but now folk are warming to it now it's a bit more familiar, what this space man.
I'm glad you are into short songs, I might have a few more for you The Skub.
Catch you later guy.
C 'EDM' PM
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
Hi Rich,
Whatever advice you get please keep that beat. It pins down the entire track imo.
Johnny :)
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
Hi Rich,
Whatever advice you get please keep that beat. It pins down the entire track imo.
Johnny :)
I agree, that beat is rather cool, especially with the bass synth vibe. Never mind that....can you imagine seeing The Son of God on a City bike? quite a moment, I even think he had a rack on the back, now what on Earth, (pun intended) does He have on his rack....anwsers on a postcard please.
If I could have taken a photo It would have made you guys think twice, all I can say is that I still have that image in my head whenever I hear this song.
cpm
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
Hi Rich,
Whatever advice you get please keep that beat. It pins down the entire track imo.
Johnny :)
I agree, that beat is rather cool, especially with the bass synth vibe. Never mind that....can you imagine seeing The Son of God on a City bike? quite a moment, I even think he had a rack on the back, now what on Earth, (pun intended) does He have on his rack....anwsers on a postcard please.
If I could have taken a photo It would have made you guys think twice, all I can say is that I still have that image in my head whenever I hear this song.
cpm
Hi Rich,
I remember an email from you asking me how i created my beats up for my songs cos you liked them. I told you how i make them up etc but in this track of yours you have made a great beat up so it's your turn to tell me how did you do that?
Johnny :)
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
Hi Rich,
Whatever advice you get please keep that beat. It pins down the entire track imo.
Johnny :)
I agree, that beat is rather cool, especially with the bass synth vibe. Never mind that....can you imagine seeing The Son of God on a City bike? quite a moment, I even think he had a rack on the back, now what on Earth, (pun intended) does He have on his rack....anwsers on a postcard please.
If I could have taken a photo It would have made you guys think twice, all I can say is that I still have that image in my head whenever I hear this song.
cpm
Hi Rich,
I remember an email from you asking me how i created my beats up for my songs cos you liked them. I told you how i make them up etc but in this track of yours you have made a great beat up so it's your turn to tell me how did you do that?
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
I use a number of sources for my drum tracks, a Boss DR 770, Arturia Spark2, Magix Beatbox2, Magix Indepoendence pro and a Yamaha dtextreme III kit, the beats on this track was a combination of the 1st and 2nd. I can't remember exactly. I generally sync any MIDI devices to the internal MTC.
To my ears it is the 'Wonky bike' synth that adds the extra hook to the beats.
Normally on an EDM track I might use a few of them.
An observation about drum samples/loops is that they have been very carefully produced, and usually are nicely prepared, so one has to be careful with applying dynamics to what is probably already been through the squisher.
I've heard on one producer that does not apply anything to quality drum samples.
Hope this helps
cpm
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
Hi Rich,
Whatever advice you get please keep that beat. It pins down the entire track imo.
Johnny :)
I agree, that beat is rather cool, especially with the bass synth vibe. Never mind that....can you imagine seeing The Son of God on a City bike? quite a moment, I even think he had a rack on the back, now what on Earth, (pun intended) does He have on his rack....anwsers on a postcard please.
If I could have taken a photo It would have made you guys think twice, all I can say is that I still have that image in my head whenever I hear this song.
cpm
Hi Rich,
I remember an email from you asking me how i created my beats up for my songs cos you liked them. I told you how i make them up etc but in this track of yours you have made a great beat up so it's your turn to tell me how did you do that?
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
I use a number of sources for my drum tracks, a Boss DR 770, Arturia Spark2, Magix Beatbox2, Magix Indepoendence pro and a Yamaha dtextreme III kit, the beats on this track was a combination of the 1st and 2nd. I can't remember exactly. I generally sync any MIDI devices to the internal MTC.
To my ears it is the 'Wonky bike' synth that adds the extra hook to the beats.
Normally on an EDM track I might use a few of them.
An observation about drum samples/loops is that they have been very carefully produced, and usually are nicely prepared, so one has to be careful with applying dynamics to what is probably already been through the squisher.
I've heard on one producer that does not apply anything to quality drum samples.
Hope this helps
cpm
Hi Rich,
Yes it does help. I'm always interested in how people put their drums together. It's a key element and you can tell on demo's who's gone a little more into detail with their drums. That weird sound your talked about that you say makes the track?
Well that is something i do a lot with beats here too. Find something kinda werid and percussive to throw in there on the off beat set back etc. It can really change the whole dynamic of the beat, make it more infectious etc.
Johnny :)
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Hi Rich,
I liked the beat of this one. It reminded me of a that donna summer song called state of independance when the beat kicks in.
Very cool.
So yes i think it is well worth revisiting.
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
Thanks for the listen, and glad you liked the beats, I remember Donna's 'State of Independence' coming out and that was one hell of a hook, when the beat came in.
I'll see what other comments come this way before I decide what to do next.
Cheers
cpm
Hi Rich,
Whatever advice you get please keep that beat. It pins down the entire track imo.
Johnny :)
I agree, that beat is rather cool, especially with the bass synth vibe. Never mind that....can you imagine seeing The Son of God on a City bike? quite a moment, I even think he had a rack on the back, now what on Earth, (pun intended) does He have on his rack....anwsers on a postcard please.
If I could have taken a photo It would have made you guys think twice, all I can say is that I still have that image in my head whenever I hear this song.
cpm
Hi Rich,
I remember an email from you asking me how i created my beats up for my songs cos you liked them. I told you how i make them up etc but in this track of yours you have made a great beat up so it's your turn to tell me how did you do that?
Johnny :)
Hi Johnny
I use a number of sources for my drum tracks, a Boss DR 770, Arturia Spark2, Magix Beatbox2, Magix Indepoendence pro and a Yamaha dtextreme III kit, the beats on this track was a combination of the 1st and 2nd. I can't remember exactly. I generally sync any MIDI devices to the internal MTC.
To my ears it is the 'Wonky bike' synth that adds the extra hook to the beats.
Normally on an EDM track I might use a few of them.
An observation about drum samples/loops is that they have been very carefully produced, and usually are nicely prepared, so one has to be careful with applying dynamics to what is probably already been through the squisher.
I've heard on one producer that does not apply anything to quality drum samples.
Hope this helps
cpm
Hi Rich,
Yes it does help. I'm always interested in how people put their drums together. It's a key element and you can tell on demo's who's gone a little more into detail with their drums. That weird sound your talked about that you say makes the track?
Well that is something i do a lot with beats here too. Find something kinda werid and percussive to throw in there on the off beat set back etc. It can really change the whole dynamic of the beat, make it more infectious etc.
Johnny :)
Totally agree
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I like your artist name, I find it fun and brilliant :D.
The soundtracks its self is very interesting, I like drums and guitar part and idea overall. The only thing I would add to that track is a bit more vocal. Overall I would rate it 4 out of 5 due to lack of vocal. Instrumental quality is very good.
Thanks.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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I like your artist name, I find it fun and brilliant :D.
The soundtracks its self is very interesting, I like drums and guitar part and idea overall. The only thing I would add to that track is a bit more vocal. Overall I would rate it 4 out of 5 due to lack of vocal. Instrumental quality is very good.
Thanks.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
Hi SlavaB
It makes me smile too, even now, sounds a bit like a super hero, is it a bird? a plane? no it's 'Cowparsleyman'
Thanks for the listen, 4 out of 5 that's quite a lot, thanks. Glad you liked it.
Thanks for the compliment on the instrumental quality. That means a lot to me.
I'll bear it in mind with the vocals, if I get the inspiration to remix it, I might do that although at the moment I'm happy with the limited Vox, I found that the first time it's heard your's listening out for some vocal, the second you know it's coming, then subsequent times you have accepted that hat it's not a vocal rich song, and that the complexion of the song isn't about the words or cleaver rhymes, it's just an embellishment if you will.
cpm
cpm
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Nice little groove here cpm. Love the guitars.
You could add just about anything without anyone being able to say it doesn't fit the convention.
Few words are fine. Says all there is to say. You saw a bloke on a bike and that's it. You could invent loads of scenarios but why?
Could maybe have some doo-doo-doohs towards the end...to go out with perhaps....or some whistling. That would kind of cement the idea that there's nothing else to say but what you said.
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Guitar is great. Length seems fine. But where's the bass?
I'm not sure this needs more vocals - although a few additional embellishments probably wouldn't hurt either. I just didn't get the feeling that this was a particularly lyrical piece; it's about the beat and the guitars, at least to me. And those two elements are very well done.
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Hi CPM, really enjoyed this, great groove and the lead guitar fitted well. Wasn't such a fan of your epic casa song,but this is great. Compact and to the point!
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Whato Viscount and Steve, you both are in my phase, yip, I don't want to say much, and the trip is the vibe, I guess I could string it out to an EDM tune, but as I was mixing it, it died it's own death, as it were.
But whistling.... (I'd rather be a bit closer to the bloke on the bike's Dad) I'm afraid I have the Danny Baker aversion to whistling in songs, don't know why, Brian Ferry did a whistling solo in jealous guy, uuuuurgh. The only bloke I liked that whistled was that guy that did 'Durham Town' with the goatee beard, Roger Whittaker I think it was, he was the Hendrix of whistlers, I wonder how his mother is?
Glad you liked the Axes, Hmm the bass was provided by one of the synth lines, I don't like too much bass in my mixes, don't know why but that's just the way I do things, I've gone away form trying to satisfy every possible listening output device, from expensive hifi to cheap earbuds, so i listen on AKG Q701 Quincy Jones cans, Soundmagic e80 earbuds, JBL mid field passive monitors and in the car, and if it sounds good on all 4 then I'm happy to release it. (It's usually the car that tells me if there's too much bass..it's also good for checking Stereo field imaging.
Steve I agree it could well do with some intricate embellishments, got me thinking.....
Thanks again for your well considered comments.
cpm
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Hi CPM, really enjoyed this, great groove and the lead guitar fitted well. Wasn't such a fan of your epic casa song,but this is great. Compact and to the point!
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
Hi Jamie,
Are you ready? 8)
Thanks for you comment, It made me chuckle about 'Casa' I understand it's not everyones cuppa tea, and that's cool. Glad you liked it, and always grateful that you spend your precious time listening to what I do.
I might post a some more of my shorter pieces, in the future.
Thanks again Jamie
cpm
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pretty mega when that electric guitar kicks in after 40 seconds, just gets better as it goes on!
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pretty mega when that electric guitar kicks in after 40 seconds, just gets better as it goes on!
Wow, guy, thanks very much for your vote of confidence, these kind words really inspire me to do more.
much obliged, man of simple pleasures.
cpm
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Not read all the other comments so apologies if I'm repeating anything.
Liked the feel and the groove to this and I think the title is great, very intriguing.
For me though I thought it needed more of a story lyrically. I know for some people, what you have would be enough for them to create there own story and make of it what the want. My imagination's just not that good though, and after the title peaked my interest, I wanted to hear all about Jesus on a bike.
Personally I would develop this further, but a great concept.
Yodasdad
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Loved the vibe, which is very cool. Nice guitar and I liked the treatment of the lyrics. Definately worth developing further. Reference to a bike woukd be good, but only needs to be fleeting. Great work and a great idea.
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Loved the vibe, which is very cool. Nice guitar and I liked the treatment of the lyrics. Definately worth developing further. Reference to a bike woukd be good, but only needs to be fleeting. Great work and a great idea.
Thanks TfZ, love that avatar and tag, really cool.
Brilliant idea about the bike reference, If i revisit this I'll definitely put that in, and as you say, only a fleeting glimpse is enough, maybe a sample from Lance admitting his guilt...or a mad commentator at the end of a TdF stage?
Thanks again for the listen and comments.
cpm
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Not read all the other comments so apologies if I'm repeating anything.
Liked the feel and the groove to this and I think the title is great, very intriguing.
For me though I thought it needed more of a story lyrically. I know for some people, what you have would be enough for them to create there own story and make of it what the want. My imagination's just not that good though, and after the title peaked my interest, I wanted to hear all about Jesus on a bike.
Personally I would develop this further, but a great concept.
Yodasdad
Whato Yodasdad, thanks for the listen, That's interesting about the title, funnily enough a little while ago I posted an article here about how important the title of a song is, and that stirred up allsorts of reactions, this song's title is a direct result of that discussion.
This used to be called A is for Zebra, up until a couple of days before I posted it here, and I'm now convinced that if a song has an interesting title it can certainly help to open the door (or perarly gates even?) q.e.d.
I think there's not much more I can add to the experience, the song says it all, if you would have seen him you would have written a song too, and the crazy thing is that today I saw another bloke who looked very like him, listens to his iphone with earbuds in, I wonder what he was listening to? surely not me....surely not.
Thanks for the advice.
cpm
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Great Funky tune, just felt it needed fe more vocals in it.
A real DEEP voice... Bit like the Sopranos intro....but that just in my head.
A good listen.
Sandeep
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Hi CPM
Really interesting little sound sculpture. Unpredictable throughout. Not sure it's a song, but it's for sure a groovy creative interlude. Dig the unusual beat too, like many have already commented.
I also saw Jesus on a Bike by the way. This guy was riding across the Millennium Bridge in London. He didn't look like Jesus, but he was shouting it as he cycled: "No problem, I am Jesus!". I had no reason not to believe him, so I guess he must have been.
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Hi,
Loved the musical textures and the overall vibe. Didn't like the weird vocal effect on the repeated verse. It's kind of like an unfinished piece you'd stick on the end of an album. Too short and unresolved for my ears.
M
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Hi,
Loved the musical textures and the overall vibe. Didn't like the weird vocal effect on the repeated verse. It's kind of like an unfinished piece you'd stick on the end of an album. Too short and unresolved for my ears.
M
Thanks for the listen M
The weird effect is a Vocoder, I wanted a devilish antithesis of the heavenly Jesus reference (it's a love it or loathe it with those I'm afraid), I think your'e right it's not a complete piece, maybe a part of a song,, I've a few bits like this that I suppose could be stapled together,probably would work well. Unresolved is right to my ears to, or a as you say a reprise, like Wasted Time on the Hotel California LP...
Thanks for the ideas M
cpm
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Diggin' the vibe of this ;)
The vocals really work too IMO, I like the simple phrases with the space between with the atmospheric guitar. I do think they need to last longer though, I was just getting into it!
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Diggin' the vibe of this ;)
The vocals really work too IMO, I like the simple phrases with the space between with the atmospheric guitar. I do think they need to last longer though, I was just getting into it!
Hi Gina
Hope you are well
Thanks for the listen, sometimes brevity works sometimes it doesn't,I will think about getting that one in another.
Regards
cpm
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As I am listening, it's a nice beat...moves and flows nicely.
I see your question on your page that asks, "be or a wasp"??
I could be either....but, today I am a wasp (out of principal)
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Glad you like it Iron Knee,
Do you have magnetic trousers?
cpm
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Great listen, great vibe. Could be a theme to an American copy show. Loved the FX you used. Quality piece of work @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308)
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@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) - Thanks PJ that's praise indeed, that's made my day. I don't know what a copy show is...I'm a bit thick like that.
cpm
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Doh ! Predictive text strikes again. COP ;D
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That's so funny, could you write a song based on predictive text errors?
cpm