The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulyX on April 14, 2018, 08:48:30 PM
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Hello mates
Like some others here I have had woefully little music time recently, but crammed some in this week. Be grateful for some feedback on this demo, my first song of 2018. It's based on the age-old theme of a man finding mysterious tinfoil mannequins appearing in his kitchen, and starting to wonder if he is actually either a) the chosen one or b) an android replicant (anyone seen Bladerunner?). Gone for a kind of punky new-wave feel (just for a change, ha ha).
Cheers
Pauly
Tin Foil Congress
Sometimes I think I can
Hear the sound of myself ticking
I kick through the post and
Stand there silent in my kitchen
A silver figurine is waiting on the coffee machine
5th time this year
I don’t know how they get here, but
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
It must be some kind of
Long awaited indication
The matrix shuts down and
I will get my vindication
Or is the cleaner playing tricks with my imagination?
But they ain’t been for weeks, as I guess that you can see, and so
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
I see these weird patterns
Is it just the software glitching?
I look for the point but
There’s no point, just the sharp end pricking
Into my philosophy as physics keeps on fibbing
So I turn out all the lights
And ask for their advice
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
I, I’m not alone, I’ve got my tin foil little friends
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
I will seek the counsel of the tin foil congress
Everything you’ve ever known is ridiculous
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Yo Pauly.
Great,nasty guitar riffs at the intro. I approve. 8)
A great rocking' choon in the style of Bowie.
Most enjoyed. :)
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Hey mate. I really like this track. I think im hearing a little david bowie in your voice, very nice. I love the bridge, specifically the lyrics. The lyrics of the whole song are excellent, really creative. great job.
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Wow did not know what to expect when I read the title.
Agree with previous comment about Bowie... Definitely the vocals.
I'm thinking shades of Pretty in Pink.
Like the vocal narrative in the middle and end, adds more edge to the song....there is plenty of edge anyway.
Great guitars and plenty of energy...a great listen.
Sandeep
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Those are some weird-assed lyrics! ;D
Are you sure you haven't got Bowie stuffed away in your closet? ;)
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I loved the intro really set the mood , can picture 1970s guitarist jamming to this , was very Bowie-ish , out there in a great way , really got the blood in my veins pumping - would have to think that this would be a contender for song of the month in April .
I think there were parts that didn't flow as much as I wanted and by that I mean the stutter style of the lyrics but that's just me , otherwise I think it's a very very good song that really gets you going , would be great live , your voice is Suberb and really fits the song . I iike lyrics that don't always make sense
Made me smile as well which is good
Katie xxx
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I'm loving this Pauly. You know I love this sort of stuff. I love the spooky atmos that's been conjured up by the lyrics. I'm getting a big dose of Britpop, some Blur and a touch of Brett Anderson on vocals. I think the dual octave vocals work very well, so there's some Squeeze in there as well :)
A cracking little ditty :)
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I hate those guys. They bother you, too? Haha. Awesome lyrics. Love the guitar. Really fun. Love the singing. I think you need some crazy space sounding synths in the bridge.
Edit to add, the end is worth waiting for!
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Paul,
Slamming track, love it, has signs of the Vapours for me...
Great track,
Andy
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I've got time to squeeze one review in today, and Pauly, you're it.
I've said it before but I struggle to focus on lyrics, and apart from reading your description, I haven't got a clue what that song was about. Apologies, as I know you write some cracking lyrics.
That didn't detract though as the music was more than enough to hold my interest, dirty and driving.
Definitely felt the Bowie that others have mentioned and did hear the pan of the guitars wandering around at times?..interesting.
Good solid song.
Yodasdad
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Nasty good :D - love the energy and the vocals and I'm not even a Bowie fan. ;D
Punk as she oughtta be played
Enjoyed it
Paul
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Mad cap fun, I can hear Bowie too, but the riffing is more Undertones to my ears, and that is high praise - just love that raw energy which, for me sadly is a distant memory! I did think the break at about 1.58 needed a little more connection with the rest of the song. Maybe the snare needed to keep going, but with a different drum pattern.
Anyway, top notch stuff, really enjoyed it.
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Hi, definitely getting the bowie vibe circa the Tin Machine period. Enjoyed the punk feel to it and the lyrics worked in the context of the sound.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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(Anyone else not so in love with embedded SCloud? Always comes blasting out.I always go to the link where I've got instant volume control. Not that this shouldn't be played loud!)
Haha lot of cheeky fun Pauly....in the lyrics, vocals and the backing.
That melange of riffs is great...nicely done. The whole thing is nicely done. A big bag of ideas. Good drums...like the snare sound and the crashes or splashes whatever they are. That panning fun. Interested to know how it came about that you sang 'conga-ress' (female eel/dance).
Thought you were going to rhyme glitching with twitching. I can imagine some twitching.
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PaulyX,
Does what is says on the Tin foil!
Great energy and era specific arrangement and playing. Liked the interesting change pop chords and good wordsmithing too.
I'm hearing a little of the estuarine twang of Dave Fenton of the Vapours which I like a lot.
In terms of demo I think maybe tightening the vocals in the chorus but that apart lots to like
:) :)
neil
ps you've a cleaner? my how the other half lives :D
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Hi PaulyX,
Finally got to your tracks, ha ha ;D
Good timings on vocals. This song takes me back to 80s-90s rock café's . I like the style, the structure of the song and the energy of your voice that you have tried to pass into listeners through that track. The only thing what I would personally try to do, is to reduce slightly volume on the guitar and vocal, by bringing drums and a bass line "slightly" forward, just to see what difference it would make. But overall I like it, honestly!
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Like it very much. Production has a great post-punk feel and all the guitar work is superb.
Break in the middle is great too. All round super fun!
Just remember just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't after you :)
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How do, Paulyx
Super lyrics...well worth diving in just to read them...and the music has a great late 70’s early 80’s feel.
I was thinking it was like a cross between iggy pop and xtc then as it got towards the end I thought “bingo” - Howard Devoto/Magazine...once I’d got “shot by both sides” lodged in my head...I struggled to get it out of my head.
Anyway...tip top stuff all round. Great to have you back knocking them out again!
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Traveling through Hungary with a couple of Russian models in the Jeep and they could not believe this was not a Bowie song, they thought it was awesome, or..ochenkhahrahshoh as they kept saying..spelt by them , not me ;D
I totally agree and just had to comment..great song mate!!
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Really enjoyable track.
Yes, punky.
It's got this streak of insanity that can also be found in Bowies work.
Getting playful with paranoia.
Nice.
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A big thanks for all the feedback on this one. (I'm still without internet in the week apart from my phone so sorry its a belated thanks.) Really appreciated the comments.
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061) @Rightly (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20219) @Jack_Diamond. (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22077) @Movin Flavour (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20528) @Sterix (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22024) @Katie Wilson (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21305) @Yodasdad (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19208) @Bill Saunders (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18525) @Paulski (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19241) @Jamie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19125) @shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024) , Bowie is my musical hero, so to get 11 comparisons to The Dame pretty much made my week. ;D
Katie, thanks for the comments on my voice. I'm not a fan of it at all personally... but it's the only one I've got ;). I appreciate the thoughts on the stuttery lyrics, I do intend to redo them a bit when I rope the other guys in the band in, so if you've got time to point out which bits in particular didn't flow to you that'd be most handy. And yes @Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) , chorus vocals need tightening, absolutely.
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269) @Cawproductions (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20938) , Bill, Neil , @Paulads, @tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223) - was also chuffed to get mentions of Suede / post-Punk / Magazine / The Undertones and particularly the Vapours. I was really aiming for something that had the spirit of 'Turning Japanese' / 'You Got My Number'- that kind of jerky-riff new wave feel, so I'm glad that came through.
@SlavaB (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19895) @redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) and Bill, good comments on the mix, bridge and synths idea. Will bear them in mind for the non-demo version. I can hear them synths too now you mention them...
@Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra , always love your reviews! Thanks for making it even more surreal in my head, now that the song is about female eels.
Hope you're having great weekends and the sun is also out where you are. Brighton is on fire today!
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Super track Pauly! It's great to hear your music - so very well produced and great energy!!
Lyrics very interesting and the vocal brilliant!
Top quality work as always
Cheers
Darren
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Hi Paul,
This is brill. Totally my thing.
Great vocals and late 70s early 80s punk/new wave music.
Awesome.
Love the production.
Great variety on the vocal delivery.
Digger
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Late to the party so most things have already been commented upon by others.
Just wanted to join in and say: FAB WORK!
Esp enjoyed the lyrics and the guitars ;D
Well done!!!!!!!!