The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: dasntn on April 14, 2018, 08:39:32 AM
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Hi
A while back, Katie posted asking if anyone wanted to write a song for any of her lyrics, so I picked one and had a go!
So, Katie wrote the lyric for Don't Look For Revenge, and I tweaked them a tiny bit, put chords and a melody to it, and recorded this track.
I know Katie is learning the guitar, so I used chords that Katie knows, so that she can play it, and it gave me a sort of challenge by constraining my options.
Here it is https://soundcloud.com/dasntn/dont-look-for-revenge-1
The lyrics are:-
D G
Hey , I know that you've been hurt
D G
kicked in the dirt
Em A
wanna get rev- enge
D
but is all worth it
Chorus
A G
think of everything you'll lose
A G
do you wanna choose the pain
Em A
or do you wanna move past, past it
D G
think of the friendship you'll loose
D G
I know they've done it before
D G
and they’ll do it again
Em A
they won't explain ‘n’ say sorry
D
but is it all worth it
Chorus
It's just the way that they're made
and they’ll never change
but you still love them
because they always watch your back
Chorus
Can you imagine life without them ?
can you live when they’ve gone for-ever
Revenge is a waste , it ain't worth it
Remember the friendship you'll lose
Chorus
The production is far from perfect - the MDrummer automated drums go a bit wild in places!
I'm sure @Katie Wilson (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21305) and myself would be interested in what you all think!
cheers
Dave
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Kudos to that man for mic'ing a full drum kit in his front room! That's either a bachelor pad or he's got one understanding wife (and neighbours)
Nice relaxed feel to this and I think the melody and lyrics fit together nicely.
The chord sequence is a little unambitious, but you've explained that and I get it.
Some nice turns in the melody which compensate for this though.
Nice work both.
Yodasdad
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Good song.
This is a good collaboration, like the lyrics.
I think a nice string arrangements could really complement the song....just a thought.
Thanks for sharing..
Sandeep
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Thanks Sandeep we weren't sure about putting it in the unfinished or finished section
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Hi
had a good talking to that drummer (well, read the manual) and tamed him a bit! Also liked Sandeep's idea about some strings - some fairly 80's strings added here and there!
https://soundcloud.com/dasntn/dont-look-for-revenge-1
Enjoy!
Dave
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I like it. In my opinion though the vocals are a little loud and the organ could be brought up a little bit in the mix (just my preference).
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Hi,
Nice collab, works well.
Only issue i found was with some of the lyrics.
I'll talk about the first verse only to show you what i mean. In the first two lines the singer is talking about someone else then in the next two lines he is talking as if it his he who the song is about. This crops up here and there in the song. So a few small changes can easily fix this issue. Decide if the singer is talking about himself or about someone else then make the slight changes needed to keep which angle it is you want to go down vocally with it.
I hope this helps.
Johnny :)
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Hi Johnny
I'll let @Katie Wilson (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21305) comment on the lyrics, but thanks for the feedback. From the way I read it, it is all from the perspective of talking to a person about their feelings - maybe I'm wrong!
cheers
Dave
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I like it. In my opinion though the vocals are a little loud and the organ could be brought up a little bit in the mix (just my preference).
Hi Jack
yes, a bit more time and care on the mixing wouldn't go amis!
cheers
Dave
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Hi Johnny thanks for the feedback - it's not something I was aware of really , I've read through and I'm quite happy with the lyrics but thanks anyway for taking the time to post
Katie xxx
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Not a bad vocal, guitar plays well too. But them drums are totally out of that song, sounds like they are out of tune to be honest on my opinion - I might be wrong. Changing drums would change the sound completely.
Thanks.
Best Regards,
Slava B.
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Das, great that you went with this, it';s always soooo difficult to do something which hasn't set your own heart on fire., great job.
cpm
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Hi, I just posted a song with Katie's lyrics, she's easy to work with isn't she! Nice lyrics again. Maybe its just me but there were moments when the drums and the rest of the track seemed out of sync. Nice organ tone and the singing was pretty good too!
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Yo Dave and Katie.
It's obvious Katie has set the forum on fire with lyrics and every interpretation is different and individual.
This one is no exception. The vocals have an 80s connotation,but convey the lyrical message very efficiently.
I concur with the drum comments,it's the only part that lets down the side.
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Thanks Jamie and Skub
I am tinkering with the song, especially the drums, and tidying up the timing on bits of the guitar to get the rhythm in line with the drums.
It will get better!
Dave
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Hi everyone, and many thanks for all your feedback and comments.
I've tidied it up a lot - changed the drum set (thanks SlavB) and toned down the breaks, strings are there with an 80's China Crisis feel (thanks Sandeep), remixed the vocals down (thanks Jack), had a good look at the strumming of the guitar which was fighting the rhythm (ta Jamie and Skub!) and tightened that. And thanks Yoda, Johnny and CPM for comments and encouragement. (The Soundcloud photo is from the home of a drummer friend - suitably detached!!)
It's my first forum collaboration, and I feel all of your feedback has made it a collaboration not just of me and Katie, but everyone who commented, so many thanks!
https://soundcloud.com/dasntn/dont-look-for-revenge-final-version
Hopefully this is the final version!
Dave
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I do like it. But the beat and tempo is very unstable in my opinion.
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It's nice but doesn't really jump out at any point. The production is very much at a single level and nothing really do anything that grabs your ear at any point.
That said the tune is nice and it's an enjoyable listen for sure.
I do like it. But the beat and tempo is very unstable in my opinion.
I quite like the tempo moving around somewhat. Do you play to click track? Do you abuse the magic that is quantisation? I'm a reasonable musician but I could not get anything done these days would a click track and quantising half the stuff I put down
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Hi tboswell and Rick
Thanks for the feedback - yes, it's recorded to a click track - same tempo throughout, although the timing of some of the guitar playing is a little loose, I admit. No quantisation on the keyboard parts either.
Quite a lot of the recording I do now is without percussion or click tracks - just real guitars, bass, mandolin - getting a bit folky in my old age :)
cheers
Dave
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Nice one guys. Enjoyed this. For some reason it made me think of The Byrds... maybe it is that prominent acoustic guitar, and the way the vocal melody and chords feel rooted in trad folk. It's an interesting combination with the synth though (The Byrds wouldn't have done that!). You sing it well Dave and I like the wise positivity of your lyrics Katie.