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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: bigFishAndTheSmallPondets on April 07, 2018, 06:57:58 PM
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Unfortunately, I don’t have enough time to do this song justice. I planned a brass arrangement, but can’t seem to find interested players. Instead, I’ve synthesised all the parts I can’t do myself, which is basically everything bar the guitar and vocals. The result doesn’t sound great, but I guess there’s enough there to convey the idea.
With this song, I imagined myself as a Tin Pan Alley writer, commissioned to compose something for a soul singer. Obviously, it’s not in the same league, but I guess ‘(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman’ was something to aim for. See what you think.
Lyrics:
Something Familiar
It’s always better, feet on the ground.
See how it ends with what I have found.
Playing the game, I’m on the rise,
Owning your love will be my greatest prize.
Win me a fortune that’s already paid,
Draw me a picture that can never fade,
Something without you just leaves me afraid...
And I need you.
Always a loner, living in fear.
Ward off the demons by keeping you near.
Something familiar, is it so lame?
‘cause time’s on the slide and life ain’t a game.
Foolish to know that I’ll feel the same way,
Feelings so easily lost in a day,
Ain’t no denying and yet I will stay,
‘cause I need you.
It’s always better, feet on the ground.
See how it ends with what I have found.
Playing the game, I’m on the rise,
Owning your love will be my greatest prize.
Win me a fortune that’s already paid,
Draw me a picture that can never fade,
Something without you just leaves me afraid...
And I need you.
Music:
https://www.dropbox.com/s/gnzdj9i7fflg7ax/Something%20Familiar.mp3?dl=0
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Well the song sounds OK though it doesn't sound much like a soul song to me....the arrangement....no not just that....I'm trying to get under that...the whole rhythmic feel sounds more like a madrigal or something folky.
It must have taken you ages so you'll hate me for saying that it would maybe be easier to evaluate it if you just gave us a stripped down version...just acoustic guitar and vocal perhaps. You could inject the guitar part with the soulful rhythmic feel you're after and it would put the song across better I think. Hard to evaluate as it is.
Feel free to remove the vis from the beginning of my name and leave out the o ......just my humble opinion.
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Ok if it hasn't turned out to be a soul song, it is still a great sound.
Trying to work out what the sound is.....it is very unique
It has hints of Simon and Garfunkel, with an 80s twist.
I like it a lot....wish it was in Soundcloud to play?
Sandeep
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Well the song sounds OK though it doesn't sound much like a soul song to me....the arrangement....no not just that....I'm trying to get under that...the whole rhythmic feel sounds more like a madrigal or something folky.
It must have taken you ages so you'll hate me for saying that it would maybe be easier to evaluate it if you just gave us a stripped down version...just acoustic guitar and vocal perhaps. You could inject the guitar part with the soulful rhythmic feel you're after and it would put the song across better I think. Hard to evaluate as it is.
Feel free to remove the vis from the beginning of my name and leave out the o ......just my humble opinion.
Not at all. I absolutely agree the song took an unexpected turn. I may have an unplugged version somewhere. I'll see if I can dig it out.
I absolutely appreciate you taking the time to listen and write something about it. Thank you!
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Ok if it hasn't turned out to be a soul song, it is still a great sound.
Trying to work out what the sound is.....it is very unique
It has hints of Simon and Garfunkel, with an 80s twist.
I like it a lot....wish it was in Soundcloud to play?
Sandeep
Thank you Sandeep. Always too kind. I'm not sure I've really done my best with it, so I may hold off adding it to my SoundCloud collection for now.
Thanks again.
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Whato biggers
First, I love your name especially the pondets bit.
This is a really well written song, and I really like it, to my ear there are a few things that sound a bit unbalanced, nothing that couldn't be fixed with another arrangement approach and some mixing/production. Maybe there some scope to make the 2nd and subsequent verses a little different motif wise, also maybe just brushes on a snare to glue it together rather than the accordion/bandaleon?
There's something about the doubling of the LVox that makes it sound crowded, and the chorus on the guitar is a little overstated, like one of the earlier posts said maybe an acoustic axe would be better?
Take a break from this version, and return after you next piece, then re-arrange it, it'll be obvious to you then.
We've got tadpoles in our pond at the moment, but they'll soon be bigFrogsInASmallPondet
Hope this helps....
cpm
Thanks very much for a great song.
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Whato biggers
First, I love your name especially the pondets bit.
This is a really well written song, and I really like it, to my ear there are a few things that sound a bit unbalanced, nothing that couldn't be fixed with another arrangement approach and some mixing/production. Maybe there some scope to make the 2nd and subsequent verses a little different motif wise, also maybe just brushes on a snare to glue it together rather than the accordion/bandaleon?
There's something about the doubling of the LVox that makes it sound crowded, and the chorus on the guitar is a little overstated, like one of the earlier posts said maybe an acoustic axe would be better?
Take a break from this version, and return after you next piece, then re-arrange it, it'll be obvious to you then.
We've got tadpoles in our pond at the moment, but they'll soon be bigFrogsInASmallPondet
Hope this helps....
cpm
Thanks very much for a great song.
Thanks! I like long 60s psych band names (as well as the music of course).
I agree. I think after taking a break from it I may come back to this one with a simpler arrangement.
I'm very glad you liked the tune. Thank you for listening (same goes to everyone else).
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I liked the lo-fi feel to this and the wandering guitar. I like those intro 'trumpets'...I can't figure out if its a trumpet sound that sounds like an accordion or the other way round. Kind of sounds like one of those toy keyboards.
Everyone is right, its not a soul song but that doesn't matter. It has an early Sufjan Stevensy vibe to it and also reminded me of those late 60's/early 70s folksters like Vashti Bunyan, Fairport Convention...
Ideally (IMO) the break after the second verse needs more variation in the arrangement (and/or tune) so that we have something a bit more different before going into the final verse.
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The instrumental ensemble is very interesting. I know you wanted real brass, but even here maybe there is too much top on them in the production which makes them sound perhaps more shrill than they need to be?
The guitar work is so sweet though, as too the vocals. It's certainly an unconventional song and a unique mashed up sound that grew on me as it progressed. Lots of interest throughout and very nice melody too.
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I liked the lo-fi feel to this and the wandering guitar. I like those intro 'trumpets'...I can't figure out if its a trumpet sound that sounds like an accordion or the other way round. Kind of sounds like one of those toy keyboards.
Everyone is right, its not a soul song but that doesn't matter. It has an early Sufjan Stevensy vibe to it and also reminded me of those late 60's/early 70s folksters like Vashti Bunyan, Fairport Convention...
Ideally (IMO) the break after the second verse needs more variation in the arrangement (and/or tune) so that we have something a bit more different before going into the final verse.
I originally wanted trumpet and saxophone but I can't really justify paying musicians and, it would seem, the synth software I have access to hasn't quite cut the mustard.
I think your right. The song probably could do with an added dimension.
Thank you!
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The instrumental ensemble is very interesting. I know you wanted real brass, but even here maybe there is too much top on them in the production which makes them sound perhaps more shrill than they need to be?
The guitar work is so sweet though, as too the vocals. It's certainly an unconventional song and a unique mashed up sound that grew on me as it progressed. Lots of interest throughout and very nice melody too.
Yes, the brass synth hasn't quite worked I think. Should have stuck with organ.
Some very kind words there. Highly appreciated.
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Hello mate,
I've got to say that I really like this song. Is it "soul" though?? Not for me I'm afraid, BUT that doesn't matter, I LOVED the melody, very pretty and Yes, because of your vocal style/tone it does sound lovely and folky (sorry if that's not what you were going for mate) the guitar tone is lovely and well played and I thought the brass sounded nice actually. ;D
Only thing I noticed was the vocal timing is a little off at 2.28 for a bit.
Sooo all in all great job mate. :D
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Hello mate,
I've got to say that I really like this song. Is it "soul" though?? Not for me I'm afraid, BUT that doesn't matter, I LOVED the melody, very pretty and Yes, because of your vocal style/tone it does sound lovely and folky (sorry if that's not what you were going for mate) the guitar tone is lovely and well played and I thought the brass sounded nice actually. ;D
Only thing I noticed was the vocal timing is a little off at 2.28 for a bit.
Sooo all in all great job mate. :D
Hey thanks! That's really kind. Sometimes I plan to write in a particular style but it then ends up mutating into something else.
Yours words are very kind and supportive. Thanks again (and sorry for the late reply).
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Hello @bigFishAndTheSmallPondets (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20529) this is fischermans ><(((°>
I like your style very much. It reminds a bit on Simon Garfunkel but it‘s enough different to be something on it‘s own. The positiv Melody jolly me along to the end but the lyrics fits not 100 percent to the melody, but this is may only me.
Very good singing here. Keep on the good work.
Alexander
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Not an easy song to review...but I shall do my best!
Lovely melodies in here. Wasn't always easy to get hold of them though...probably too much in the way of distractions in the arrangement, I guess.
I thought it was really effective when it broke down around 2:20 into piano and guitar which both sounded really nice...but I didn't recall them even being there earlier...although I'm sure they were :)
I think the core of the song is very nice...and could stand up to being given more prominence.
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Hello @bigFishAndTheSmallPondets (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20529) this is fischermans ><(((°>
I like your style very much. It reminds a bit on Simon Garfunkel but it‘s enough different to be something on it‘s own. The positiv Melody jolly me along to the end but the lyrics fits not 100 percent to the melody, but this is may only me.
Very good singing here. Keep on the good work.
Alexander
Love the fish drawing!
To be compared with S&G is truly an honour for me. Thank you so much for this.
What was it about the lyric that didn't work for you? I am intrigued to know more.
Thanks again sir. Too kind.
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Not an easy song to review...but I shall do my best!
Lovely melodies in here. Wasn't always easy to get hold of them though...probably too much in the way of distractions in the arrangement, I guess.
I thought it was really effective when it broke down around 2:20 into piano and guitar which both sounded really nice...but I didn't recall them even being there earlier...although I'm sure they were :)
I think the core of the song is very nice...and could stand up to being given more prominence.
Thank you!
Someone very generously remixed the songs for me. I also changed it slightly:
https://soundcloud.com/big-fish-small-pondettes/something-familiar
I have to admit the first version may have been a bit too busy and cluttered. I do hope this new version is a bit easier to listen to.
Some very kind words there. Thank you!
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Hi - it's definitely a good song - lots of nice melodic lines and good lyrics.
The new version is better balanced (but perhaps less "grabbing" - go figure!). I think it could really do with something to glue it all together which for me would be a tasteful drum track. They're hard to create from scratch but maybe you or your remixer could find some loops somewhere which could fit?
But maybe that's not the vibe you're going for. Just an idea. Great to hear the progression of the song anyway.
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Personally I'd file this firmly in the 'folk' category, rather than Soul...not that that really matters, a song's a song. (Well, unless you really were on Tin Pan Alley and were commissioned to write a soul hit, I can see there might be a difference opinions then😊
It's certainly memorable melodically.
I know what you mean about not having time but it's a shame as I'd like to hear this with proper brass and piano etc.
Good job, just needs a little refinement and production is all.
Yodasdad
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Hi,
The second version is definitely a big improvement (although the first was pretty good too).
Like Ramshackles said it reminded me a lot of Sufjan Stevens... it has that gentle, nu-folky-Americana feel to it.
I liked the choice of "brass" sound in the second version more (it's a bit more like an organ, which suits the vibe a bit more?). And the guitar sound is pretty cool too, makes me think of the Byrds in parts.
(Sorry I know it's not that helpful just to be compared to other people but those are both big compliments in my book!)
Nice song & heading towards really neat production.
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Very good idea, but quality puts me off a bit sorry. The noise from vocal soundtrack really distracting.
Best Regards,
Slava B.