The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: Johnnyuk on April 06, 2018, 11:41:53 PM
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Hey Johnny
That sounds great! Definitely worth the development. I can't think of how to progress it but if anything come to mind I will let you know. Be very interested to hear a longer version! Great voice and great production!
Darren
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Nice vibe, and you could go anywhere with this; betrayal and forgiveness, loss and recovery. The words that immediately came to my mind were:
When will you try to understand?
When will you let me take the weight/blame?
When will you start to recognise,
That I'm still here after all of this time?
Wherever you take it, it's gonna be good. ;D
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You're welcome Johnny
Ahh that's interesting. Good to take a different approach and I certainly found the start really engaging.
When listening (and from the video) I pictured this to be about someone whose life is their job. Like the ballet dancer in the video, or an athlete/sport person or musician/artist type thing. They're putting all their energy and passion into their work that they leave little room for their loved ones. The narrator is the lonely half of the relationship waiting at home (or wherever) for their loved one to return.
Just some thoughts :P
OH and like TfZ's input ....good direction to take it
Darren
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Not got any suggestions, but the melody and the feel and, most of all the mood you create, is definitely worth persevering with. It will need to go somewhere emotionally as well as lyrically and arrangement wise - it needs to rise and fall as (to me) it really is about that mood and that feeling. Very well played and performed, too.
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"When are you going to settle down": take the melody down for the last word, not up. Then the words "up" and "down" in the lyrics will be underlined by the melody.