The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: rightly on April 02, 2018, 06:18:38 PM
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Yesterday and today I've been at it again.
I wrote this song, with
music and other ideas too.
I think I'm quite happy with it but it's still at a stage where things can be changed.
So tips or feedback would be most welcome.
One Heart Whole
there's a warm breeze
and many ways to survive
take your worries
and hang them out to dry
hear me if I'm not mistaken
forgive me all I know
many loves must be forsaken
to make just one heart whole
to make just one heart whole
your wily ways
all these secrets and lies
should have no place
in your heart or mine
any thorn can be misleading
and discolour the rose
left alone, distraught and needy
leave me anything but broke
to make just one heart whole
drop all defense, discard pretense
relinquish resistance, be still
hear me if I'm not mistaken
forgive me all I know
many loves must be forsaken
to make just one heart whole
leave me anything but broke
to make just one heart whole
there's a warm breeze and there are so many ways to
survive
I made some minor alterations.
The music is coming along nicely.
This might be the closest I've got to writing "a lurve song".
New territory for me. :D
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Rightly - really enjoyed this, intelligent but not over-clever and very relatable.
"any thorn can be misleading
and discolour the rose"
is a great line. As is the "many loves" title line. I think this could be a really good one!
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Rightly - really enjoyed this, intelligent but not over-clever and very relatable.
"any thorn can be misleading
and discolour the rose"
is a great line. As is the "many loves" title line. I think this could be a really good one!
Thanks for commenting Adam.
I know exactly what you mean with intelligent but not over clever. ;D
I'm sensitive to that too. It's all too easy to write poor lyrics.