The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PaulAds on March 24, 2018, 01:09:49 PM
-
Hello
There's a wonderful Alan Bennett play called "Say Something Happened" about an old(er) couple who get a visit from Social Services...the audiobook version with Thora Hird, Brian Wilde and Imelda Staunton knocked me for six when I first heard it. So I tried to write a sort of tribute to that. I didn't feel like I'd got anywhere near...and the lyric went it's own way regardless of what I was trying to do...but I thought it was worth trying.
It's quite simplistic...it was the first song I wrote in February. It was done in two days but I re-recorded it to tidy a few bits up. Less chaotic than my last one, anyway.
Say Something Happened
Fingertips on photographs like floodgates
Reverse-engineering broken dreams
Nightmares are much easier to live with
Cos everything’s exactly as it seems
What are you going to do...say something happened?
When everything you have just slips away
What are you going to do...say something happened?
Something happens every single day...
Memories are slipped back into shadows
Throats are cleared and tears are quickly dried
It’s a long way from the moment that it kills you
To the moment that the headstone says you died
What are you going to do...say something happened?
When everything you have just slips away
What are you going to do...say something happened?
Something happens every single day...
I don't have any requests from reviewers...I'm just grateful for anyone who gives it a listen.
-
I personally think this is good. I listen it through and the mood it is cool. I actually like what have being said in the lyric.The intro it is awesome, I think it is the piano I am hearing there in the mix, lovely. I have nothing else to say but play your song around for everyone to hear.
Irwin
-
Yo Paul.
Love the downward arpeggio using both guitar and piano. I dig that sound.
You have a knack for getting into my brain with your songs....I don't know what it is..There's a tangible backdrop of heartache,all wrapped up in the cutting insight of your wordsmithery,that connects with me.
'So Haunt Me' is still one of my fav songs and whilst this is different,it still retains that soul-searching,reflective melancholy.
I'm happy enough just to listen,you'll not be getting any useful critique from me,young man. :)
Love it. 8)
-
<<sigh>> I have such a list of songs from the forum that I want to learn myself...I'll surely never get to all of them. But this one really needs to go on the list. I think it would fit into my "Late Bloomers Never too Late" project perfectly. No nits from me.
-
I love the way that your lyrics always tell a fascinating if sometimes sad and painful story Paul. The arpeggio is absolutely addictive and just drives the whole song along. There's some lovely little touches here and there and vocals are sounding brilliant. Is Bruce on the drums for this one ?? Cos they sound great :)
-
Very good Paul.
Everybody's already talked about the arpegs. Very catchy....gives the song its stamp. Nice instrumentation all of it....like the drums and bass a lot too. Vocal super, sounds bloody good.
What strikes me most about it is how it all hits just the right melancholy note for the lyric....neat.
-
Beautiful song Paul.
Your singing is excellent on the track and love the piano hook line.
Has shades of Beautiful South for me.
Leaves you with a warm feeling.... Like this a lot.
Sandeep
-
Poignant stuff, almost tender which feels a little different from your usual sort of thing I feel. Still that edge of helplessness and the inevitability of things in the lyrics which is, as always, pointed but poetic.
I loved the tickling guitar and piano at the opening, really works beautifully and suits the material well. I just thought we heard too much of it by the end, that we needed some other textures in there as well and production wise it seems to stay at that level throughout. Perhaps though that is the point, but musically I thought more development would be good.
Love the idea of using a play or book as at the starting point, a great way to generate ideas which I have done before myself.
It's a super song mate, nice one.
-
really nice stuff
I used to know my english playwrights, or at least I thought I did.
That's a wonderful turn of phrase
"say something happened"
I haven't heard it in years. that was a really nice listen.
Thanks Paul.
-
Great idea for a lyric, and very well executed. You sing in it well, and I would say your voice fits the mood perfectly if that makes sense. Great production to my ears too.
-
I’m not familiar with the play, but the song brought to me a great feeling of despair and loneliness. Not sure if it was your intention, but I think you have distilled this feeling with great power. The arrangement is simple but very effective. The repeated arpeggio and honest production remind slightly of Forever Changes by Love. Good work.
-
Beautifully written and sung. The piano sounds like raindrops, which suits the mood of the story. I like the contrast between the melancholy melody and your voice, which is so bold.
-
Nothing wrong with simple. Really like the pace - I think it's the bass and percussion that make it feel like it really picks up when the chorus hits.
There's a great ambiguity to the title which I find really grabbing - I immediately wanted to know more about the story.
Best line of the day so far:
“It’s a long way from the moment that it kills you
To the moment that the headstone says you died”
Wowch.
-
Thanks, everyone. Lovely comments...you restore my faith in humanity :)
A special shout out for @adamfarr (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20124) - that was my favourite line too...thanks!
And to @Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061)...that’s the loveliest thing I could hope to have read...thank you!
Social services have declared them to be “at risk” because of their advancing years, and so want to know how they would cope “say something happened” - which is a delightfully English way of saying “when one of you dies”
The thought had, of course, previously occurred to them...and they are ready for it, as best you can ever be. They have a daughter who rarely visits them and also a son (whom they declined to mention and never discuss) who “wasn’t right” and lives in a home. They visit him when they can. “He knows us...he’d miss us if we didn’t go”
They concern themselves with trivia “more leaves coming down” and try not to reflect too much on the way so many things in life just didn’t quite work out for them...
It’s a lovely story. I find this kind of thing really sad but quite uplifting...if anything will save us as a species...it’s empathy.
-
Well, I'm a big fan (based on the few songs I have heard...) and was always going to like this but there is something about this that has actually caught me off guard! It's a softer side (from what I have so far heard...) and the lyrics are striking....this is beautiful and powerful! Just been posting albums that blew me away, well here's a song that has done just that
All the best
Darren
-
Wow, what a good track.
I was going to highlight the same 'headstone' couplet as Adam, and this one also knocked me for six:
Nightmares are much easier to live with
Cos everything’s exactly as it seems
Absolute knockout lyrics in this mate... you're on top of your game here.
There's something special about the contrast between the breezy instrumentation and chipper melody of the music, versus the melancholy lyrics. Although it doesn't sound like it at all, it conjures the same feelings in me as John Barry's theme song to 'Midnight Cowboy'... pretty and heartbreakingly wistful at the same time.
-
Great track!
Would have probably thought of something to fill the quite long pauses between lines, especially during the chorus. But I guess this way, it really adds to the mood you're trying to set. Great work.
-
Paul,
Liking this a lot with the piano and the bass especially.
Melody floats nicely over the chords and I can here the lyrics clear as a bell.
Just needs some harmonies and backing vocals. and I'd I'd lib say something happens over the ending too.
Cool
:)
neil
-
Hi Paul,
I loved this song! The story keeps your interest and the music does a very good job of supporting your vocal.
It and your voice ( i'm guessing it's your vocal here) reminds me of Prefab Sprout. And i love them so it's a win win for me to listen to a song like this. :)
Feedback wise for this song as i hear it i would get the bass more under control in parts as it is too boomy so a little compression and EQ on it will get that under control for you. Also consider removing bass from the bass. I am not kidding! :) I do it all the time between the bass guitar and the bass drum on all my songs. I have them set differently in the EQ to each other. Doing this will help to separate the two in the mix so we hear both clearly all the time and on the plus side your entire mix gets cleaner/clearer so that is something to consider. One thing i noticed was in the first verse. Half way through it you changed musically from a rim shot to a snare drum. I would not do that. I would keep the rim shot in the verses and only bring in the snare drum on your chorus. Doing this will help the listener to know where they are in the song. eg ok we are in the verse ( rim shot playing) then ok we are in the chorus cos the snare drum is now playing. That kinda thing. Plus your verses are softer musically and vocally so the rim shot will help to keep that softness.
Loved listening to this one Paul so i'm gonna add it to my faves on soundcloud. I like the chilled out feel of it too.
I hope that what i have suggested on this song helps you to get the song even stronger for you.
Johnny :)
-
WOW~Paul! This is so good, from the lyrics, to the vocals, to the backing track, to the production and just to the great vibe of the whole song :o
I think my favorite of yours so far :-* Loved every minute of it :)
-
Hi Paul,
Nice flowing song, kind of rolls along nicely,
Vocals sit nice and keys give it the right feel.
Not my vibe but a big thumbs up here Paul.
Nice song.
Cheers
Andy
-
Hi Paul, very nice sounds with the guitar and piano doubling! Elvis Costello meets the Beautiful South. Melancholy feel suits the lyrics.Nicely fashioned young man! ;) ;D.
Cheers
Jamie
-
I’ll sneak in a quick “thanks” while the going is good...
I’m quite surprised that this one went down pretty well...I just sort of dashed it off and thought it was maybe a bit lightweight...so thanks to everyone for their thoughts and help. I’ll look at tidying the mix up a little too...I thought the bass line didn’t really fit...and really just played the first thing that came into my head.
I’m off to see a stage version of “Steptoe and Son” at the local theatre now...looking forward to that.
Probably my favourite ever tv gag was when Leonard Rossitter (playing an escaped convict) broke into Albert and Harold’s to steal their car (a horse and cart) grab a meal (mouldy cheese and cold porridge) and rob them (of 3.5p in total) and as he’s stomping around the room brandishing his cosh, he notices the skeleton hanging up on a display stand and says “who’s this...the lodger?”
Cheers!
-
Really love your voice. It's so full and gritty.
Production is great and i'm really digging this song and the lyrics!
-
Hi Paul!
Great that you post the song here too. It's well worth a few listens. The lyrics are outstanding. Such good balance between painting a detailed picture and letting the listener fill in the gaps.
Martin
-
Great stuff, the lyrics tell the story really well, the music flows very well and the structure keeps it interesting right through, the mix is nice, I particularly liked the tone on the bass which was nicely seperated in the mix.
Well done mate, Mikey
-
Digging the lyrics
-
Hi Paul,
Very pretty riff running through this which is kind of odds with the story but the juxtaposition works. Thoughtful, detailed and beautifully written lyrics - I am in awe.... The whole thing sounds lovely and your decision to switch to a proper bass guitar rather than using midi works so well - it really anchors the track. Nothing to be negative about here - pure class.
M
-
Sorry that drag this back up...but I wanted to say a quick “thank you” for all the lovely comments and to everyone who voted for this in SOTM...it’s been lovely...thanks!