The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Movin Flavour on March 22, 2018, 12:15:55 PM
-
A song I started writing a long time ago, which Phil spent a lot of time dissecting and putting back together.
Its meant to be a father singing to his child about how beautiful our planet is/was and how we should be looking after it.
Thanks again to Phil Williams, who added his classical musical touch to the song writing process... and for all the time and effort that he spent producing and engineering this song.
I wish I could be writing songs and posting them to this forum more often.
This is the link below:
Thanks in advance for listening and any comments you make.
https://soundcloud.com/sandeep-issar/left-holding-the-baby
The lyrics are below
Sandeep
Left holding the baby
Summer breeze,autumn leaves,
Winter Suns,you've not seen
you've not seen the time of day
When day arrives on time
And you cry and you cry.
Moonlight Beams, Rainbow Rays
Frozen streams, you've not seen
you've not seen a river flowing
Without the debris in
And you cry and you cry.
Chorus
Just like a baby cries when it's mothers breast is dry
You never cried when your mother died
You never cried when your mother died
And I'm left holding you baby
And I'm left holding the baby
We're all left holding a baby
The babies are holding the baby...
Falling stars, Milky Ways
Northern lights, You've not seen
Neon signs lit up my street
Now nothing ever glows
And you cry and you cry
Chorus
Just like a baby cries when it's mothers breast is dry
You never cried when your mother died
You never cried when your mother died
And I'm left holding you baby
And I'm left holding the baby
We're all left holding a baby
The babies are holding the baby....
And I'm left holding you baby
And I'm left holding the baby
We're all left holding a baby
The babies are holding the baby....
-
Good song, good chorus and piano motif..just thought maybe the strings should start after the first verse or thereabouts instead of using em up straight away although they do build towards the end.. :) good stuff though i and liked the lyrics... :) :)
-
Really lovely song, rich tone about the production that reminds my of some prog rock from the 70s a lot (Barclay James Harvest maybe).
Lovely strumming tones on the acoustics. The opening is particular nice.
Agree with Shadowfax that the strings come in too early and you should wait a little longer for them. For my taste the strings follow the chord changes a little too closely, moving when the chords change. I personally like to hear a little more independent work from the strings, with their own lines otherwise they just sound like synth pads to my ears.
Perhaps the quite section after the first chorus could do more work. It follows the same chord sequence as we already heard. Going somewhere new before returning would be interesting.
And finally I think some harmonies rather than just doubling on the vocals would add something to it.
But those are all picky things. It is a really powerful overall and a great effort.
I really like it!
-
This is so lovely! As mentioned earlier, I would like to hear some harmonies on the chorus, but overall, it's a beautiful song and right up my alley. Thanks for posting it!
Vicki
-
Hi,
I loved this song!
It gave me tons of ideas for where to take it to make it as strong as possible for you.The video below will hopefully help you.
I heard this song about 2 weeks ago now. It's a very gothic anthem type song which i think this style would fit well with your lyrics. The beat in the chorus of this song would give your lyric the edge it needs to punch through with a strong beat like this one below.
Take a listen especially to the beat in the chorus of this song because this is the kind of beat i am talking about that could really drive home your songs lyrics and message.
I hope this helps.
Johnny :)
-
Strong song. The best bits are the vocals and the strings, the percussion/bass is a little light for me. I would have preferred the drums a bit louder when they come in. The lyrics are decent and its overall an interesting take on the circle of life. I wonder if it could have been a little condensed. At well over 4 minutes it's a little long.
But overall good job Sandeep.
-
Yo Sandeep,good to see you are still making music. :)
Most of the points I had to make have been covered. I'd reinforce the remarks on the strings coming in too early,give us a stripped back verse at the start,let us hear the lovely classical guitar with your voice and let the song build naturally.
Plenty of opportunity for harmonies,if you desire. The drums are sensitively played,but get lost in the mix,as does the bass.
It's a fine song and you sing it really well,so it deserves the last few tweaks to make it right.
I had a listen to a couple of your friend's tracks,from the soundcloud link. Some nice orchestral pieces there. :)
-
Great work Sandeep and Phil. I wondered what you guys had been up to. There are some great moments in this song. I love it when you move up to the major chord in the prechorus.The strings are lush but as it's such a good song I personally don't think you need them all the time. Top quality work guys
-
This is such a haunting song with great vocals. The string solo around the 2 minute mark was in particular was gorgeous, love it!
I did feel like in the first verse, the strings were playing in a very similar range to the vocals, which sounded a little odd to me. If you used the strings below the vocal range at that point, maybe using a cello, they would be less noticeable while still giving a subtle string warmth to the sound. Then you could build more gradually as suggested by others :)
Really enjoyed the song!
-
this song is really lovely and I found it to be quite moving :'( the lyrics and the way they are sung is very powerful :o the way the strings build
the song is equally as powerful, and the solo is amazing 8) maybe holding off a bit before bringing them in, would be good :-\
A very beautifully produced song :)
-
What an interesting song with a lovely rich production. I’m a bit late to this one, but I do agree that the strings should start a bit later. I had no issue what they were playing though, really lovely. Yeah, the drums & bass were a bit buried in the mix, if it were my track I’d bring them up a bit.
Nice singing mate and good lyrics, although I personally wasn’t to keen on the imagery of a “breast running dry” I totally get it in the context of the song, Its just dried up breasts aren’t for me I guess! ;D.
Also I wasn’t sure if I liked how “the baby’s left holding the baaaby” sang...I don’t mind the line, it just imho doesn’t “sing” that well.
These are really small nits in what I think is overall a lovely song,I’m just sharing what I felt on my listens. ;D
Keep writing mate! ;D
-
thx
@LostBoy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20481)
@shadowfax (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20024)
@tboswell (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20223)
@sarahlawrence17 (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=22048)
@crystalsuzy (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18947)
@pompeyjazz (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20269)
@Skub (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20061)
@mickyplankton (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20769)
@Johnnyuk (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21771)
@CaliaMoko (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=19928)
For all your comments, you made some really valid points to take on board. Most of you agree about the strings at the beginning. I will speak to Phil about the mix.
Thanks @johnnyuk for the video. The song was a bit gothic when I conceived it in my head, maybe I will revise for a different version of the song.
Thanks all for your time spent reviewing😀😀😀😀 and kind words.
Sandeep
-
Fabulous production and effects.
A pretty moving tune, nice one.
-
Nice track Sandeep, good production and a really nice vocal, the only thing I thought might help is that the chorus doesn't really stand out, there is nothing wrong with it but maybe some harmonies and/or some powerful drums might emphasize it a bit more. Aside from that I thought it was great.
Cheers, Mikey
-
This is super.
Great sounding track with fab lyrics too. The breakdown could have maybe had a little more space in it...but I'm trying desperately to find anything that wasn't brilliant - and that was all I could think of :)
Brilliant work, fellas!
-
Thx
@RealKevM (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21324)
@Mikey (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20986)
@PaulAds (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=20253)
For all your kind comments
Take care
Sandeep
-
Hi Sandeep
I had a listen but it's not my thing, sorry, but as you say nicely arranged and produced, love the acoustic guitar sound at the beginning.
Can't add anything really
cpm
-
Really pretty and moving. The sound evolves in a really cool and organic way. I like how it builds up and then settles back down. Waves come crashing in then go back out to sea.
Like this a lot.
-
Thx
@redrhodie (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21171) and @cowparsleyman (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21308) for listening and your comments. Appreciate your time
Sandeep
-
Hi this isn't my kind of thing but even as a non musician i can see the quality and production that has gone into this - i do Like the chorus
-
Very fine sounding track Sandeep and nicely sung
I like the verse melodies best though the chorus has got a catchiness to it.
Left holding the baby is a great expression anyway and makes for a good song title. It's a good idea...using it metaphorically and literally though something bugs me about it which I'm unable to articulate so let's not worry about that...just a personal thing.....yes maybe it is that 'baby's left holding the baby' line.....one idea too far perhaps!
It's a nice song. A bit Moody Blues-ish...must be that lovely orchestration and the gentle tone in general.
-
Thx
@Katie Wilson (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21305) @Viscount Cramer & His Orchestra for listening and your comment.
The last line of the metaphor is the babies (the human race) are holding the baby (planet earth)....maybe I'm being too vague.
Thank you.
Sandeep
-
Hi,
quiet different, lots of work here, with orchestration and piano.
Chorus is very catchy especially with repeated piano figure.
My only thought was the contrast in volume/fx between the verse and chorus was a bit much imho.
good work
:)
neil
-
Hi there
For me the line "The babies are holding the baby" really works - that's the standout line to me... sums up our cluelessness in our current predicament, and suggests guilt and innocence at the same time... great line.
Like Pompey J commented I also really like the shift to the major keys in the pre-chorus. Yes the choruses could stand out a bit more but you've got a nice build to the song throughout, I think I'd just be inclined to sculpt the dynamics of it a bit more across the track. Very well sung though and really a quality piece of work guys.
-
@Neil C (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=18856) and @PaulyX (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21034) thanks for your kind words.
Phil is at this moment playing with the mix, to incorporate yours and all the other great suggestions.
Regards
Sandeep
-
This song passionately conveys a feeling of sadness and despair. The production is brilliant, the strings in particular enhancing the sombre mood. You voice reminds me slightly of Arthur Lee. The melody is very catchy and compelling. I love the ‘holding the baby’ line which builds up a very emotive crescendo. Brilliant, well done.
-
Hi,
Strong basic idea and theme nicely executed. Others have commented on the arrangement - I think it works well as you've done it here. I like the chord changes and the melody goes to unexpected places. Great vocals and that chorus is hooky. Very good track indeed.
M