The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: shadowfax on February 23, 2018, 03:48:18 PM
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Hi, a song about a guy who (after a one night stand) is not happy that the partner of the night in question is not interested in taking it further....
If you take a listen, I thank you... :)
https://soundcloud.com/knmac/iluvuluvby-knmac
I love you love..
If you think your fooling me,
look behind and you will see,
you can't run and you can't hide,
I'm coming at you from all sides,
you rolled the dice you took your chance,
you tempted me with your implants,
I'm just a fool who can't say no,
you've left me cold I'm 10 below.
I love you love..
just one night with me,
then you walk away,
you know you hold the key,
to all the games we play,
another chance another night,
I'm thinking that will make things right,
I don't throw my love away,
you took me in,
I want to stay,
I love you love..©KNmac
cheers, Kevin :)
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love the intro..great excitable riff
sets it up
excellent vocal kev
not sure of the plot but the chorus sounds superb unforgettably simple
euroviz groove can see the dancers convulsing
must be the implants
a cracker
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Hi,
I've taken 3 listens to your new song now. BTW I like it. :)
Here are some thoughts that you might want to consider...
On first listen the first 32 seconds are the chorus. At 33 seconds you then begin with your first verse.
It's too long for me personally so i would halve it. Get it down to 16 seconds before your first verse begins.
On this intro/chorus section at the start is a vox/choir type of sound. You begin with a staccato string sound playing a strong melody whilst the vox/choir sound plays a different melody. For me it clashes and detracts/prevents me from hearing the drum parts and bass line as they kick in. Also when your vocal kicks in these melodic parts all remain. This means that we now have 3 melodic parts playing three different melodies. Your voice then the staccato strings and then the vox. I would remove the vox. The counterpoint staccato string works fine. Also everything becomes clearer when the vox/choir sound isn't present,it also has more drive because your drum parts can now cut through better. Look to your verses for what i mean by this because as soon as your verses begin the entire track becomes uncluttered and allows the listener to focus on your vocal.
Chorus: I like the chorus but would look at adding new elements every 8 bars. Maybe add some backing vocals, or a solitary high sustained string sound playing a single high note but sat back in the mix. Maybe changes in the percussion, use a different snare drum just for the chorus to make it stand out? You could bring in a cow bell or tambourine etc as the chorus plays through to create movement/build up etc.
My main thoughts on this one for me is to be aware that your vocal is key. You have a great voice so please don't have it compete for space with other elements that for me don't need to be there.
Johnny :)
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I liked the implants line. Haha. I got exactly who they are from that. The music supports the picture you've painted here perfectly. Very catchy and danceable.
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This one's got a great sort of early 80s feel to it Kev. Loving the guitar stuff in here. It's reminding me of A Flock of Seagulls . You may want to consider the title however as Gary Glitter had a song out with the same title :o
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I've learnt so much in the past few days and one thing that I have come to realise how much feedback benefits not just the artist but yourself as well.
I hate to criticise anyone's work so if I don't like it I don't usually post for fear of upset if the artist or try to find something nice to say about the song .
Because I'm not a musician I feel that I'm not really placed to.judge as I don't know what I'm talking about
I haven't read any other reviews so,I won't be swayed
As a writer I think the chorus is good as it says really what is behind the whole song , the verses are ok - I wasn't over gone on the repeated- I love you love .
I found it a bit static for me and would have liked a riff or something in there to move it around a bit ( do I even know what I'm talking about)
I really like the concept behind it and I've realised how important that that is - so you can get a real of the story behind the song .
If I was to rate this song I would give it a 7
I hope that I have been constructive in what I have said
Katie xxx
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Super catchy and boppy. Contains the line of the day:
"you rolled the dice you took your chance,
[/size]you tempted me with your implants,"
[/size]
[/size]"10 below" is good one too.
[/size]
[/size]Like the breakdown at the second chorus. Perhaps a another big drop somewhere could give more impact when the riff comes back in, but quality stuff as always - good to see some more risky lyrics too!
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Love the intro and overall it have all you quality trademarks.
But wtf happened with the drums? They need to come up in the mix if you ask me, that snare sounds really nice but I can hardly hear it.
Apart from that, no complaints from me.
Good stuff man!
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Thanks for the listen and comments peeps...and Katie, stop apologizing for yourself... :) :)
@Katie Wilson (http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?action=profile;u=21305)
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I'm going to need surgery now to get rid of that earworm! :D
Seems the euro bug is spreading - first pomp then you. Hope I don't catch it.
Your usual high-quality production and vox - such a treat to hear!
But that earworm - maybe I can use my power drill... :D :D
Paul
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Yo Kev.
As JB mentioned this has a Flock of Seagulls feel and sound. I did smirk at his GG reference! :D
First few listens the song itself has a tribal vibe,the drums and guitar add to this. It didn't grab me immediately as most of your other songs do.,however on further listens I convinced myself that was bollox! :D
It's quite different from the usual shadowfax choons,perhaps it's the prominence of the guitar work?
Anyway,despite all that crock written above,I liked it and that's all that matters in my world. 8)
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I agree with the 80's vibe, it takes me right back, very well played with great vocal as always, I particularly like this one, it drives along at a good pace and keeps the interest right through.
Cheers, Mikey
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Another masterclass in Euro pop songwriting. This one is muscular and rattles along really well. Great job, getting it in under 3 minutes. I think structurally it's perfect, and the rythm section does a great job of emphasising the different sections. Great editing. I'm not too sold on the lyrics but to be honest, for a song like this, the lyrics are not the driving force behind enjoyment. It's a good solid, pop song and a lot of us can learn from this especially in the structure, pacing and editing which is spot on.
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Very catchy ... this has an eastern (Bollywood?) feel particulalry in the verse. Great pop song, well produced and sung ( as usual), Cheers Kevin
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Hello Kev
I got into this one more and more as it went on. Rhythm guitar reminded me very much of Andy Summers. Super production and playing. And singing. And everything else :)
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Hello mate!
Your production skills are just ace mate! What a groove! Great singing. I love the title,lyrics in general. I love that you got in and out of there in 3 minutes! That’s bad ass enough on its own! ;)
For me my fave bits are the verses, they just pump along nicely, with that GREAT melody (& guitars).... now the question I have is...SHOULD that be my favourite parts of the song? It’s just a question & perhaps a silly one as we all have different tastes, yadi yada. I guess I just personally wanted a little more from the chorus....eeek! Sorry man.
Now, You know I’m a big fan of your stuff & I feel I can give you my honest feedback hopefully without you taking offence...I’m sure many will disagree with me about the chorus, which is fine & probably why you should absolutely not touch it! :D
...but that’s just how I felt.
I hope that’s of some use to you mate.
Leo ;D
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Hi Kev, love the drums they sound great! Definitely an 80's feel to the guitar stuff, made me think a little more of tears for fears rather than others observations on references . But, a really insistent vibe with a really catchy hook.
Really good!
Cheers
Jamie
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Hi Kev,
Another track that's chock full of sonic ideas and clever arrangements which means that it just flies by. I'm wondering how long does it take you to make these tracks once you have the song written? Where do you get your ideas from? Will you ever dry up? Are you human at all?
Another cracker from you. Like I said, we need a whole forum lounge just for Kev's songs so the rest of us don't sound so bad.
M
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I've got some catching up to do... glad I caught up with this one...
Synths have a 'Black Celebration' era Depeche Mode quality to them (which is a good thing). I like the eastern scales too, and the restless guitars - lots of energy here, and it doesn't outstay its welcome. Very solid track. No suggestions for improvements, it's ace.
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This song makes me really happy Haha, not a huge fan of the style, but I love the energy, so that's just taste. I love the muted guitar in the verse, and for the sound youre going for, those synths are so authentic. The chorus I feel could be half as long as it is. Or maybe it could be interspersed with other lines similar to a song like Lola, short verses short choruses, gives a real call and response vibe, ya feel? Other than that, I dig it, I love the ending too, caught me off guard.