The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: junkman on January 18, 2018, 04:37:37 PM
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Hi everybody! (Hiiii Dr Nick). Here's my first tune (posted, not written). This was inspired by my crappy job in an industry I don't care about. Sometimes my boss would send me to a job and be like "This is a big client for us so you have to make a good impression". So I'd be putting on a face for this person, feigning enthusiasm while wishing to be anywhere else, and I always imagined they were doing the same thing. I used to wish we could both just drop the act, and the job would be much better if we didn't have to pretend we *just luuurved it* (got a great attitude, don't I?).
So this is really about the sadness of being nowhere near where you want to be in life and feeling like you have to put on an act just to survive. Anyway, thanks for listening…
https://soundcloud.com/pope-on-a-rope/a-very-important-client-1/s-6Si6j
A Very Important Client
Their representative will meet you at 4
Onsite where the work will happen
Stiff shirt, shoes, the usual drill - stuff that looks new
There's no second "how d'you do?"
The personal touch, leave your feelings at home
It's what we pay you for, after all
And by the way
Sorry we can't pay you more
And make sure your thoughts stay locked inside your head
So he's free to assume you care
It's not enough to just be there
Make sure he feels well looked after
It's not an exact science
But he's a very important client
Their representative will be primed with concerns
He's a replicant, just like you
Of his host company's DNA
Their mission statement is his too
And make sure your face muscles do the smiley shape
So the guy feels like you care
It's not enough to just be there
Make sure he feels well looked after
It's not an exact science
But he's a very important client
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Hi Junkman, happy first song post!! and off with bang!!...
On first listen I struggled to get to grips with the vocal melody/rhythm....but on second listen it started to sink in better and it grows on me....
The backing music is really great! Very well played and produced. I think the lyrics are great and the vocal performance is confident and powerful.
This is a strong first song post and a great listen - on my 4th now :P
Great work.
All the best
Darren
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Yay! Nice work. Anyone with some Smiths, Suede or Wedding Present in their collection is gonna find something to love in this.
I like the meandering indie guitar work a LOT, also your vocals, and it's a good length. Great track to show up with. Welcome.
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I enjoyed that alot, it really reminds me of a band... but I can't quite put my finger on it... It'll come to me, I'm sure.
Really nice guitar playing, dynamically interesting track, good lyrics and well performed. Can't fault it at all really. Nice one!
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Nice song! It sounds a bit like the best of the music I listened to in the 90's.
I think the music is very good. It varies and has a good structure.
The opportunity for improvement that I spot is the vocal melody. Maybe a bit more movement could make it go together even better with the music.
Martin
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Great stuff going on here man. Well written lyrics and most of all some killer guitar. Imo you need to up the vocal volume a. bit and give the guitar and bit of wash. Hey man I'm talking bollocks, what I'm saying is that I'd be up for mixing your song if you're into it. Pm if you're into it
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Good song well done xxx
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Yeah, I really love this. The lyrics make me wonder what the world would look like if everyone was able to do what they loved for a living. Lots of musicians. Probably not enough morticians. Haha.
I'm definitely going to listen to it again after I'm fully awake. Awesome to wake up to on a day off work.
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I like this a lot. Great guitar sound. Well done mate.
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Hi Junkman.
Welcome to the forum and for posting this. Absolutely love the guitars. Great sound. Lyrics too can completely relate to. Nothing more soulless than having as corporate boss who has no empathy for the human condition. I've been there. I thought initially that it could have been a bit faster in terms of tempo but half way through I was happy to hear it at the pace it is. Nice one Plankton
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Yo junkman
Lots of influences here,starting off with the Beatles and taking off from there.
The song is great,the guitars sound great and I love the vocals.
Everything is in place,it just takes the right touch on the mix and master to make this really shine.
It's not far away from perfect.
I hope you stay around and take part in the community JM. :)
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Hi, great guitar sounds, love the chords and progressions.A bit of a Blur/Kinks/Arctic Monkeys thing going on with the vocals and melody.
Nice one!
Cheers
Jamie
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Thanks everyone for the encouraging words!
Darren1664 - thanks for giving me a second listen after not liking the first, I don't deserve such patience (as I rarely display it myself!)
Paulyx - Suede, Smiths, Wedding Present- yesyesyes! Very much my milieu. Great to hear
kingforaday - if you think of it let me know, got me curious now
Martinswede - I concede, this is not my most inspired track melodically, although I like the chorus a lot. I see it more as an album track anyway, not a heavy lifter like an A-side or a track one. So sod it!
Pompey - you're on!
Skub - the mix is in Pompey's hand now. All eyes on him!
Everybody else, thanks again for listening and commenting.
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Dude,
This is a great track. Sums up most peoples working day, workin for the man etc.
I would have gone for a bit of distortion on that vocal to add a bit of grit and anger (personal taste). But Lyrics bang on.
Musical work sounded great, good mix too. Nice work all round.
I was waiting for a killer chorus to kick in with those dist guitars, repeating tho...to ram the message home...
Great work.
Andy
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Hi junk,
Agree with pretty much everyone’s comments.
Personally love the sentiment behind the lyric. Can really relate to it.
In addition to the other influences people have said they can hear, I’m also reminded of The Lightning Seeds.
Now the constructive criticism;
I sometimes found the vocal melody hard to follow. I think that’s because I generally write/listen to pop etc. that tends to be more predictable/structured/formulaic.
Secondly, for me, I’d like to hear the rhythm bounce along a little more. Perhaps more like a Blur track? But again, I’m certain that’s a personal preference thing based upon my own listening biases.
I like it a lot, it’s edgy, and provocative. Nice one.
Paul.
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nice track good vocals and lovely tone on the guitars, and I can totally relate to the lyrics.
Mikey
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The subject matter reminds me of work and that makes me sad. :-\
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Hi,
Good alternavive rock song! I really like the drum beat and guitar playing.
Maybe the tempo could be little faster?
Anyway, I enjoyed to listen the track.
refusedrevial