The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: pompeyjazz on January 15, 2018, 07:50:40 AM
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When posting songs on the forum I tend to post songs that have a more broader appeal, so this time I thought I would post something a bit more unconventional :)
This song is about forced marriage
In case anybody asks, there is no animal cruelty involved in this song, I just recorded one of my dogs in the car on the way to the beach ;D
https://soundcloud.com/pompeyjazz/extra_special_wedding_day
Your Extra Special Wedding Day
Left alone
Standing on your own
Flying in from miles away
Took it all as read
Nothing to be said
Re-arranged and left without a say
So it takes two
That's him and you
To make it along the way
So it takes two
To make it along the way
No love no life
Your extra special wedding day
Now you got your dress
But it's such a mess
Flew it in from miles away
What was in your head
When you made those vows
Guess it's just the price you've got to pay
No love no life
That can't be right
To make it along the way
Oh it takes two
That's him and you
That can't be right
Your extra special wedding day
(c) Bradley – 2017
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Really well put together piece John and good comment on something that never existed in the UK until recently...
quite a powerful song, lot of frequencies fighting for space in the mix though, a bit more separation would be good and your vox gets lost now and again...
not sure if you need that funny noise either..just gonna listen again to figure that out...
mega work John..mega!!
Just listened again, like the use of the church organ and allusion to church bells, still not sure you need the weird sound though, I think maybe a drone would suite it more..
still fab though mate..like it!!!
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John,
Great intro with the powerful drums and organ.
The verse sounds great and has good chord progression and suits your voice. Neat pre-chorus too.
Thoughts: I'm with Kevin about the vocals - on the chorus you could beef up the main vocal line, maybe an octave below to make it stand out above the organ and differentiate from the repeat.
Wasn't keen on the fx on the vocals after the 1st chorus I couldn't make out the vocals easily.
Lots of potential with a couple of tweaks.
:)
Nei
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Hi John, you have a great imagination. Very different instrumentation, sounds, structure etc etc!! Really interesting song.
Good stuff!
Cheers
Jamie
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Yo pomps.
I love a good controversial topic to top my evening off! :D
I love the way you use the discordant aspects of the song to create a feeling of misalignment and to emphasize the twisted purpose of two people making vows. What looks to be a joyous occasion and a time to celebrate is actually deeply unpleasant and wrong underneath the superficial.
I agree with the others about raising the quiet vocal passage at around 1.30. It could be much more sinister if we could hear it,imo.
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I've already been on to the phone to see if that priest guy can re-record his vocals. No reply at the vicarage though.What a sap :)
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I think that this has got real potential , I kept wanting it to go a bit faster but then I don't know knowing about music anyway
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Listened again , one that will grow on me I think , voice is great -
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this is excellent
another classic.
How many albums do you have?
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Hi,
Nice and odd song. I like the chord progression and also the organ is great.
Good stuff!
refusedrevival
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Some huge sounds here - drums, the slightly dischordant guitars and organs, really grabs you. Very well conceived and realised. I'd slightly agree that the chorus vocal loses a bit of impact but the atmosphere of turmoil really comes over. No love no life, great line that sums it up.
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Loved the intro - it said it all before the song started in a few bars. This features your wonderful vocals although I could do with less of a vocal treatment. I think the intoned piece could be a tad shorter but that's a minor nit. The over riding thing for me is the quality, authority and timbre of your vocal. I think you could make it as a pro rock singer and you are so much better than the thin, high pitched whining that passes for singing in the charts. (Old man rant over).
M
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Really digging the vocals. I like the weird sounds in the middle. This is my favorite piece I've heard of yours. Yeah, very cool.
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How many albums do you have?
On average Rightly, pomps punts out one a day.
Album,that is. :)
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This one's got GRAVITAS mate. I liked the mid tempo approach and loved the vocal effects (especially the weird narration). Unconventional and very good.
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This is really nicely put together. I was listening to this wondering how on earth you find the time to put all this together. There is a lot going on and a lot of different sections.
It's a great track that shows off your abundant skills! Nice work John!! And I love the affected voice in the middle, fits in really well!
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Hey Pompey. Another classic from your prolific sound factory. The atmosphere and heft of the guitar and organ and bell combo is absolutely awesome! It drags the rest of the arrangement along kicking and screaming in a very satisfying way. Another interesting concept for a song. You have a great talent for unearthing ideas for social commentary and you never ram it down the listeners throat. Always thought provoking. Great work
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Great song. Well constructed. Bit too sad for my liking.
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Thanks all for the invaluable feedback as usual. Wasn't quite sure how this one would go down
Kev - Yes, hear what you say about the fighting frequencies. Sometimes it's damn hard to get the mix right
Neil - Thanks, yes, I've amended the vocs volume slightly so hopefully it's a bit better :)
Jamie - My imagination has been described as vivid and obtuse ;D ;D
Skub - I love the way you use the discordant aspects of the song to create a feeling of misalignment and to emphasize the twisted purpose of two people making vows
Yeah - You got it dead on, that's exactly what I was trying to achieve - Couldn't get the priest to redo the vocals, apparently he's under investigation
Katie - Thank's - I kept it slow to kind of try and morph the wedding march into a funeral procession
Rightly - Thanks - two at the moment ;D ;D
Refused - Thanks, odd is good in my book :)
Adam - Glad you liked it, wanted it to sound loud, messy and chaotic :)
Alan - Gee, thanks for the compliments. As most vocalists do though I hate hearing my own vocals
Lynn - Glad you appreciated the slightly off kilter aspects :)
PaulyX - Yep - Just going for something a bit different. Hopefully it worked
Darren - I suppose there is a lot going on but when I checked there were surprisingly few tracks
Micky - Fantastic feedback, I really appreciate it
Theone - It's supposed to be sad ;D ;D
Thanks all once again
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More innovative song writing - not too in your face but the message it quite clear.
Catchy in places with some nice hooks.
Nicely put together with a real epic feel
If i had my way it should be piped through the speakers at the house of commons on loop....although they are so far detached from reality that probably would not get it.
I think this is one of PJ's Best songs.