The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Jimsaloud on January 13, 2018, 08:13:07 PM
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Happy Saturday all,
Thank you very much for the comments on my last post!
I am still experimenting with GarageBand and wanted the post another song. This was something I wrote early in the morning while playing on a small Casio keyboard. Just singing to simple chords and thought the chorus was good if not original. The lyrics are unecessarily grim (not from the heart...) and need fixing. I know it’s cheesy but would welcome any comments on the arrangement and chorus. Does it need reworking to not be too by the numbers? Thank you!
https://soundcloud.com/user-5387438/flames
Silence, darkness, broken eyes
The devil’s beach I lay my head
On the day I took my life
To see them all see me instead
But look at me now x 2
I am hundred thousand feet above you
Look at me now x 2
Now the world is going up in flames
And I don’t want to take the blame
Look at me now x 2
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Good stuff enjoyed it xxx
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Decent mate, the Chorus especially the 'Look at me now' part is really catchy.
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Hi Jimbob and welcome to the forum. Yep, Garageband is some awesome software. This is good considering how much time you devoted to it. You've got a good voice man. Sorry to be a monger of doom but you're only allowed to post one song in the Finished Songs section every two weeks. I know that's a real pissed and I hate to be the bearer of bad news :( Also you kinda need to give something back to the forum like reviewing some of the songs on here. I don't want to be Mr Badass as I appreciate your talent but that's how it works :)
Cheers
Pompeyjazz
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Fair play, Pompey. Hadn’t seen the two week rule but makes sense. Consider me told!
And thanks for the nice comments on the song man. All good.