The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: pacho on January 06, 2018, 01:31:46 AM
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Hello everyone, I got new demo I wanted to know about him... I did it whole in one day and it is about people tendences not to making new things etc...
I have more made music part like lyrics. I want to know what do you think about it.. It is worth.. And mainly what do you think about structure? Im planning adding next verse after synth "solo" and then compone chorus.. after the chorus ukulele part and then continue.. what do you think guys?
https://soundcloud.com/patriciomusica/shocked-v2
Lyrics:
I feel like in shock
Stopped by myself
Just like driving the train
right into the flames
Social disaster
Fear of acceleration
Youre making decision
without desiding, without inner friction
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I think it works. You need to change the lyrics a little if you want to sound like a native English speaker.
I feel like I'm in shock
Stopped all by myself
Just like a driving train
Right into the flames
Social disaster
Fear of acceleration
You're making decisions
Without deciding, without inner friction
I hope that helps.
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This appeals to me a lot. I really like the delays and the rhythm changes. The synth that comes in at 55 seconds is very suitable, but a bit too loud. Obviously anything creative is objective, but personally I'd like to have heard something 3/4 of the way through which lifted the lid with a big melody and big sound before dropping back to the core groove.
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This appeals to me a lot. I really like the delays and the rhythm changes. The synth that comes in at 55 seconds is very suitable, but a bit too loud. Obviously anything creative is objective, but personally I'd like to have heard something 3/4 of the way through which lifted the lid with a big melody and big sound before dropping back to the core groove.
YOu think at 2:30? Something that could bring some tension? Hmm Im right now working ono something else but when I will complete lyrics.. I will definitely Rearranging it Thank you By the way ;)
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I was actually thinking of something that would release the tension; maybe where the rhythm would feel a bit looser. For example, "Madness" by Muse: this is really controlled for most of the song, then a bit towards the end it bursts out before reverting back and finishing.
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I really like this - I'm not s musician but I like the way how the drumming seems to keep,it all together , I like the beat of it the feel.of it - I think it's really good as it is xxx
I,like the use of different sounds as well xxx