The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: PopTodd on November 28, 2017, 12:03:43 PM
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Recorded in the same session as "This Ain't No Race" and released on the same day.
https://hoponpop.bandcamp.com/track/if-you-knew
Looking forward to hearing what you all have to say. I am really proud of this one, too.
LYRICS:
1.
I put on my outside smile
As I step out the front door
And I’ll admit that it’s been harder
But I won’t say a whole lot more
If you felt the things I’m feeling
If you saw the things I saw
You would let me throw my cards out
Then let me draw, draw, draw, draw, draw
2.
I smile through the morning
And I grimace through the day
And I’ll answer all your questions
But I won’t have much to say
If you felt the things I’m feeling
If you knew the things I know
Please don’t read too much in to it
Just let it go, go, go, go, go
(bridge/solo)
3.
These things I carry on my shoulders
They fit underneath my shirt
And they say it will make me stronger
But they don’t say how much it hurts
If you felt the things I’m feeling
You just might never want to feel
If you lived the life I’m living
It’d make you reel, reel, reel, reel, reel
If you knew the things I’m knowing
There’s things you’d never want to know
But please don’t read too much in to it
Just let it go, go, go, go, go
Let it go…
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Todd, Love it. Bought your CD.
I see you're in Chicago. My boyfriend's band has a gig at cafe mustache this Thurs night 11/30. Check them out if you're around. They're called VCSR.
Lynn
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Nice track! I love the repeated words in the chorus, plus the way the chorus changes each time: very effective and gives a unique touch.
Kevin
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Todd, Love it. Bought your CD.
I see you're in Chicago. My boyfriend's band has a gig at cafe mustache this Thurs night 11/30. Check them out if you're around. They're called VCSR.
Lynn
I just saw that!
Thank you SO much!
And, I'm actually a middle-aged family man who lives out in the suburbs, so I don't get into the city too much to see too many shows. Especially during the week. But I will keep an eye out for them and try to get out, if I can.
Again: THANK YOU, Lynn! I really appreciate it!
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Todd, Love it. Bought your CD.
I see you're in Chicago. My boyfriend's band has a gig at cafe mustache this Thurs night 11/30. Check them out if you're around. They're called VCSR.
Lynn
I just saw that!
Thank you SO much!
And, I'm actually a middle-aged family man who lives out in the suburbs, so I don't get into the city too much to see too many shows. Especially during the week. But I will keep an eye out for them and try to get out, if I can.
Again: THANK YOU, Lynn! I really appreciate it!
No problem! I'm really looking forward to hearing it.
VCSR has been together since the mid 70's. Not that I'm saying they're old or anything. 😋 But it might not be your cup of tea anyway. It's going to be electronic improvisation. They're not even doing a sound check.
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Hola, I think the same than Kevysc. It is not my style but the song caught me by the lyrics and the voice.
Good work. Hasta pronto. Mora
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Hola, I think the same than Kevysc. It is not my style but the song caught me by the lyrics and the voice.
Good work. Hasta pronto. Mora
Muchas gracias, Mora. Apreciado sus orejas.
(I don't really speak Spanish, but I can get by in a pinch.)
Thanks again!
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Recorded in the same session as "This Ain't No Race" and released on the same day.
https://hoponpop.bandcamp.com/track/if-you-knew
Looking forward to hearing what you all have to say. I am really proud of this one, too.
LYRICS:
1.
I put on my outside smile
As I step out the front door
And I’ll admit that it’s been harder
But I won’t say a whole lot more
If you felt the things I’m feeling
If you saw the things I saw
You would let me throw my cards out
Then let me draw, draw, draw, draw, draw
2.
I smile through the morning
And I grimace through the day
And I’ll answer all your questions
But I won’t have much to say
If you felt the things I’m feeling
If you knew the things I know
Please don’t read too much in to it
Just let it go, go, go, go, go
(bridge/solo)
3.
These things I carry on my shoulders
They fit underneath my shirt
And they say it will make me stronger
But they don’t say how much it hurts
If you felt the things I’m feeling
You just might never want to feel
If you lived the life I’m living
It’d make you reel, reel, reel, reel, reel
If you knew the things I’m knowing
There’s things you’d never want to know
But please don’t read too much in to it
Just let it go, go, go, go, go
Let it go…
Love the lyrics.......guitar sounds beautiful. I really connect to these lyrics a lot. They're so simple, but so effective. I like the upbeat flow and styling coupled with the sadness of the lyrics, plus the minor chord that comes in.
Simple and beautiful song. Thank you for this!
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No criticism here, nice.
Some of your songs have the strange effect of drawing me towards genres that I didn't think I liked.
This sounds like a cross between country an British 90's band The Coral.
Only thing I might have done differently is a big swell of the backing vocals at some point, but apart from that, spot on.
Yodasdad
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Hi Pop
Haven't heard your stuff in a while.
This has a nice flow to it and I like the lyrics - esp the draw, draw, draw etc repeats.
I never think to do that but it totally works ;D ;D
The only nit I have is the acoustic guitar tuning - sounded just a hair flat - but maybe that just adds to the road-weary effect ;D
Nice one
Paul
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Thank you—all of you—so much for saying such kind things.
And, Paulski, I did tune my guitar before we recorded. Could it be, maybe, that the song is in a slightly off key (C# instead of C)?
I have it capoed at the first fret. Sometimes playing in strange keys like that inspires a new song. It did in this case.
Thanks again!
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Thank you so much for saying such kind things. And, Paulski, I tuned my guitar before we recorded. Could it be, maybe that the song is in a slightly off key (C# instead of C)?
I have it capoed at the first fret. Sometimes playing in strange keys like that inspires a new song. It did in this case.
Thanks again!
Probably just my ancient ears that need tuning - but did you re-check the tuning with the capo on? A capo sometimes messes up my tuning but I'm no expert and no-one else mentioned it ;D ;D
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Hi,
Loved the fingerpicking, loved the vocal, the lyrics and the arrangement. Most of all though this is a super classy piece of songwriting. It's a beautifully recorded and produced track. This is right up my street - I could listen to an album of this and probably will. You are right to be proud of this - it's an absolute cracker.
M
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Thanks so much, Monty!
So glad that you like it.
(It's all flat picking, though! ;) )
EDIT: And feel free to download it! It's a name-your-price DL, so... whatever you want to pay. Even $0. I'm cool with that.
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Todd, I just wanted to say how much I love the CD. Some great songs on there. My favorites are the country ones. And the really cool bonus track, too. That's one of my all time favorite songs, and you guys really did it justice. Awesome.
Thanks,
Lynn
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Todd, I just wanted to say how much I love the CD. Some great songs on there. My favorites are the country ones. And the really cool bonus track, too. That's one of my all time favorite songs, and you guys really did it justice. Awesome.
Thanks,
Lynn
Awesome!
I am so happy that you're enjoying it (and that it finally got there)!
That bonus track (some background) was recorded by the punk band that I was in back in 1994, at the studio where Wilco recorded much of Summerteeth years later.
We knew one of the studio owners and were (I think) only the second band to record there -- after Mekons, who were there before us, doing I <3 Mekons record.
I played bass and sang on that one.
Again: so glad that you're enjoying it. You made my night!
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Real, real nice. Beautiful music, classy, timeless. Those subtle changes keeping everything interesting and adding cool elements to the piece throughout. Brill vocals and lyrics. Fab work, man. You're right to be proud :) Its a gem. cx
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Real, real nice. Beautiful music, classy, timeless. Those subtle changes keeping everything interesting and adding cool elements to the piece throughout. Brill vocals and lyrics. Fab work, man. You're right to be proud :) Its a gem. cx
Thank you so much, Caz!
;D
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Thanks for directing me to this lovely track PT :) Very classy and very well produced...it's just so darn smooth and easy to listen to. Love everything about it :)