The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: beckylucythomas on November 23, 2017, 02:16:13 AM
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First song I've posted in quite a long while, and apologies in advance for the heavy intro, but since it's a subject that's important to me and to many (and should be to everyone), I want to give the context for the song.
So I started writing it a few years ago, not long after the horrific story of a young woman from Delhi, Jyoti Singh. I'm sure most people remember the story since it was so harrowing it was hard to forget. The press named her Nirbhaya, meaning "fearless one".
I started getting more and more aware of the prevalence violence and abuse of women, in so many forms, and in pretty much every culture and country around the world - sadly still no less topical today...
And I decided I wanted to write a song of defiance, and to reassert female value and strength.
I'd be really keen for feedback on any aspect, including suggestions for further/better production, but i guess most of all I'd just be keen to know whether it "strikes a chord" and gets a message across without being preachy? The message i wanted was one that didn't pull its punch too much but was still positive...
Oh and in case anyone wants to volunteer, the way i imagine the arrangement is with a choir of a thousand (female?) voices rising for the outro.....any takers? ;D
Thank you!
https://soundcloud.com/rebeccamilkwood/i-am-a-woman
Who am I to talk of rights, born a girl in a man's world?
Who am I to get ideas above my station?
Who am I to walk outside, all alone in a man's world?
Who am I to play so loose with my safety?
I am a woman, I am a woman
And I won't live in fear
I am a woman, I am a woman
I am a woman
Know your place, hide your face, don't go out after dark
Don't disgrace your protectors, they may do you harm
I may not speak but I still think, may not be seen but I shall not blink
I see my path and I shall not shrink, I bear witness
I am a woman, I am a woman
And I won't live in fear
I am a woman, I am a woman
I am a woman
I belong where I choose to be
Call out wrong where wrong I see
I bear witness, I bear witness, I bear witness
Who are we to dream of choices
Make demands and raise our voices
Raise our voices, raise our voices, raise our voices?
We are woman
etc
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Hi Becky
Well the quality just spiked on this forum with your post ;D
Love the vocals and the message is spot on.
Harmonies are sweet - melody is as catchy as a Canadian cold ;D ;D
Seriously, this is top notch all round
Paul
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Crikey, that's good.
Really like your choice of synth patches - those slow attack strings and the funky bass sound.
Vocals superb. I can see why you want more voices at the end and could imagine a big swell being knock-out there. Really expertly put together piece.
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Very nicely done.
It has the quality of not being predictable but still hitting all the right buttons.
Very powerful and memorable chorus.
In terms of the mix, there's not much I would change. I might widen it a little as everything sounds quite central at the moment and I might add a little more presence and depth to the percussion.
These are very minor things though and overall I think you've done a cracking job.
Yodasdad
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Yo Becky.
What a classy,polished song.
Memorable right from the start it hammers home the message with an iron fist in a velvet glove.
It seems just as humankind gets to the place where all sentient beings have equal rights,then some other kooky religion rises up to re-establish control and reinstate prejudice,then it takes the world back another 300 years.
*Rant over. :D
Brill song,straight onto my playlist. :)
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A great song...beautiful vocals and lovely production.
I looked at my 3 supervisors, then at the head of facilities, then at the chief executive of the NHS trust I work with...then checked out my local MP, followed by the Prime Minister and then lastly, Her Majesty The Queen.
I could see them all singing along ;)
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Hola Becky, I am a woman too and I enjoyed your song a lot, a lot. Great song. Hasta pronto. Mora
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Really powerful song. Thanks for writing it.
Lynn
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Nice vocal here lady, uncontrived and on the money. I can imagine this falling into the hands of some rampant oversinging pop diva and being tormented into the stratosphere. So this is neat.
I'm digging the way youve layered and harmonised yourself , and the instrumentation is intelligent and considerate.
Dont fill the end up with other peoples' voices and make it a cliché.
I aint so keen on message songs but you gotta write about whats burnin' inside ya.
I don't think it's preachy, but you gotta remind yourself this has been going on since human history began. This is the life women have led for all time, as nature ensures the strongest always come to the top and fight to stay there.
You are uniquely different as a 21st century, First World woman, with all the freedom and benefits of that.
I dont think any of us in the West should think our artificial world we live in today is in any way a real one. It's just a fortuitous blip in human history.
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I thought that this was excellent Becky. I love to read the song lyrics are few times before I listen and they fitted in so well with the music. Vocals are superb, up front and personal. Great piece of work
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Loved this, everything bang on - not preachy just the truth. Was listening to Rachel Platten talking the other day about how her song had been taken on by Hilary Clinton's campaign and the effects of that and this has a similar revindicative feel.
I did find that the keyboards came and went in volume a bit too obviously for me which I thought was a bit unsettling - not sure if that's a side chain or a pedal but to my taste they could be a wee bit smoother. (A really small thing though!)
Great writing and performing - I get the choir idea too - not necessary though, great arrangement as it is.
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I like message beckylucythomas .
MAybe i would add at the chorus a little more important ideas about this topic..
And not just repeat Im the Woman..
Yeaa its catchy but i think its wort to make something as same catchy as Im a women but with taking oportunity make catchy chorus with more ideas that just tell us youre a women .. But nice work truly.. I like it ;)
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Hi Becky. A song of very high quality. Love the structure of the song and the harmonies.
Don't worry at all about whether or not the song is preachy. All that matters is that you wrote it, and that it has integrity.
It's a shame that more young (and older for that matter) people don't fight harder for the issues that really matter. And that is why your song is so important and precious.
Cheers Micky.
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Ann says you've got stronger, and that is cool 8) "Stay Close"
Revolutionary powerful song fictional world versus reality, hell shit Woman 8) i think reality has more shit to throw up, in the meantime.
Great to hear you Becky, to the future of songwriters 8)
https://soundcloud.com/rebeccamilkwood/stay-close
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Hey Becky,
the production is gorgeous! No suggestions on how to improve it. Your vocals are crystal clear and the addition of backing vocals really enhance the full presentation. Lyrically, I don’t think that you have wasted a word. This doesn’t come across as preachy at all. It is loaded with sadness!
Paul
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Becky,
Fab, you've achieved what you set out to do on an important subject.
Great set of words and production.
My highlight was your singing on the verses. They really had an edge and loved your tone.
Indeed my only thought is the difference between that and the chorus where you have your backing vocals as the substitute for a choir. I think I'd keep the backing vocals as its that and put a lead vocal over them too keep the power.
Great stuff, look forward to the next.
:)
Neil
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This song is well presented. your voice fits just right with the tract. Very enjoyable.
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Becky
Really cracking return. A catchy groove and hooks all over the place. I love the harmonising too. Nothing I would want to change about it. Strong message in the lyrics too. Love the plucky synth/guitar sound nearer the end of the song too.
James
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Its a good song , well done. Liked the vocals , liked the backing vocals..didn't get boring half way through..
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Love your voice ... this is well produced and nicely balanced, keeping the vocals central but with some nice instrumentation and backing vocals.
Well done!
Kevin
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Hi Becky
Lovely sounding recording and a first rate vocal. I like that you've have been subtle in the delivery and instrumentation - very effective. Some lovely vocal parts and very well arranged. It is an important subject and i think you've made a noble contribution.
M