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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Yodasdad on November 17, 2017, 10:23:30 PM
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Hi All,
This is the first song I've written that I can really say is autobiographical.
https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/strength-in-me-m-blair-2017
Edit:
Slightly newer Mix and minor change to 2nd Pre-Chorus Link should now work
https://soundcloud.com/my-idiom/strength-in-me-v193-mastered-in-mix-1
It's to/about my dad who passed away suddenly when I was 12.
I've relaxed the reigns on myself a little bit with this one in order to write what I wanted to, so for instance the rhyme scheme doesn't stay the same.....I know, blasphemy.
I've also kept the instrumentation and production quite low key.
I plan to give a copy to my mom and my brother, probably as a christmas present. We're not an emotional family, so this will be the first time I've really expressed anything regarding my dad since he died 25 years ago. (And in typical fashion, I still haven't really expressed anything in this)
Okay, enough of the X Faxtor style sob story, don't let any of this sway you from giving your honest thoughts.
Thanks to all who listen
Yodasdad
Strength In Me - © M Blair 2017
V1
Just a child in 92
I rode my bike like any other summers afternoon
I watched you fall and just lie still
I tried my best to bring you back but you already gone my friend
Pre-Chorus
But no matter how long it takes
I will reach you someday I know I’ll see your face
Chorus
I want you to know I never let you out of my life
I may not see your but I hear your voice sometimes
I hope i turned out half the man you hoped I’d be
Do I made you proud I feel your strength in me
V2
We picked up the pieces from our hearts
We learned the ropes and tried to cope
Coz life just pushed us on
You left a whole that can't be filled
We held on to your memories
They helped us to rebuild
Pre Chorus
And no matter how long I wait
We’ll be reunited I’ll meet you at the gate
Chorus
I want you to know I never let you out of my life
I may not see your but I hear your voice sometimes
I’ve tried to fill your shoes and walk the way you’d lead
It’s been some journey but your strength has guided me
Mid 8
I lit you candles in the church
And sat beside your grave
I’d sit there every day if I could only see you smile again
Chorus Outro
I want you to know I never let you out of my life
I may not see you but I hear you voice inside
Did I do you proud do you think I got things right
I may not see you but I feel your strength in me
So much to tell you face to face when we finally meet
It’s not been easy but I’m thankful that you’re always near.
You didn’t leave us coz I feel your strength in me
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A tough thing to do and a wonderful tribute Yoda. I can really hear the emotion in your voice. This is lovely and melodic and I think low key for the instrumentation works very well.
Top tune
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I really enjoyed this. Not an easy subject, and even harder to avoid it sounding cheesy, but you've pulled it off. A class piece of music, and a wonderful tribute. I'm sure your mum and brother will be touched. Once again your voice is absolutely top notch, as is the production.
A song to be proud of.
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Yeah..beautiful song and tribute to your dad...difficult thing to do but done very well.. :) :)
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Great Song, composition and tribute.
one line frame it all
"I tried my best to bring you back but you already gone my friend"
Keep on the good handcraft
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Hi!
With every song you post you show what a great musician you are. The lyrics are full of details that make it memorable. Some times a song is way too short to say all the words, you picked the right ones.
My only concern is that I think it has a bit too much brightness. Mostly in the vocals. The Sss-es are a bit sharp.
Martin
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A true song from the heart this.
Hard to hold back tears when listening to it.
Sounds like a wonderful man - a great tribute to his memory.
Glad you could finally get this out for all to appreciate.
Paul
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Dude, ballads aint my thing, and emotionally wrought ones I have a deep mistrust of.
Probably because of the manipulative way it's used in TV and Film to sledgehammer an emotion into the increasingly numb masses.
Now I can't use that as an excuse here, with the very real tragedy of your father. The song was very moving and beautifully constructed, man. Obviously it's something you should be proud of.
Your family is gonna cry, man. Hope you're ready for that.
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This is really brilliant. And it has real substance too.
It must be so difficult to do something like this...and you’ve done it fantastically well.
A perfect 10 from me.
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Thats the winner of November song of the month sorted then.
Lovely stuff.
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This is an example of how perfectly music can be used to share, remember and celebrate the lives of those who are no longer around. I thought the vocal was particularly effective - full of honesty, warmth and passion.
Difficult to write about death without sounding banal and cliched but you've avoided those traps and come up with a wonderful piece of music. I am sure it will raise a tear in your mother's and brother's eyes.
Cracking piece of writing and performance.
M
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Beautiful lyrics and music and a lovely lovely tribute to your Dad. The performance is so superb and captures the emotion so well. This is a corker of a track, excellent stuff Yoda.
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Yo Yo Da.
Some songs transcend critique simply because they are obviously part of a process of catharsis. This is one such example.
I know the emotion of carrying a wound for life,it makes us what we are,for better or worse. I went through the same process on the 50th anniversary of my mother's death,also at the age of 12.
http://www.songwriterforum.co.uk/index.php?topic=13684.0
Like myself,I'm sure you found it difficult to do,but really glad when it all was finished. Like you,I shared with my sister and made her cry lots. Only right,since I cried plenty making the song. :)
Anyway,sorry for the ramble Yoda,your song is a beautiful tribute to your Dad and he'd be proud to be remember in such fine style. I'm glad for you that you didn't wait 50 years to do the song,as I did.
Your song touched me and left me raw once again. That's what good music ought to do. 8)
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Wow, thanks for sharing this one.
Raw, and uncontrived... so very powerful.
Even putting the lyrics to one side for a moment, it's got a great chord progression and lovely production. The percussion was just right too - nicely restrained.
Combine that with the message, and it's a knock out. I welled up too.
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Beautiful song....loved it ;D ;D
If art is about expression and messages, then this is a mighty fine
example of what we all should be striving for. I can't see how this
would fail to move/touch anyone who's had a father ;D ;D
I cried...of course ::) ::)
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not sure why, but the second link did't work for me :(
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Hi,
I like the track and the melody. Nice piano and excellent vocals.
Some minor critique: I think the guitar is not in rhythm in some parts.
Also you have 2 or 3 popups in the vocals.
Good stuff!
refusedrevival
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Hi Yoda. 2nd link did not work so listened to the original. I would echo the sentiments of the other posters. what stands out for me is how strong your voice is and how brilliant you are at holding those notes. you have a great gift there as well as a talent for song writing . Lovely tribute.
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Beautiful. Not a dry eye in my house. The music is just wonderful, with so much melody and interesting progressions. And your heart felt vocals struck a chord with me too, looking back on a similar experience. He'd be very proud of you, and this song too I'm sure. Music is amazing, and what a beautiful way for a loving son to commemorate a wonderful father.
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When Im listening this.. That song Im creating.. I wanna throw me away.. I dont thinks I can do something like this... Ohh Yore talented.. nice work really , touching
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I'll second 'refusederevival' for the rhythm guitar part,
I think that the piano should be the dominant instrument for this tune without any guitar on it.
A very touching and authentic song which is great!
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Hey Yoda,
Didn't listen to the original mix but the new one sounds real clean.
Always interested in an autobiographical peice and the delicacy of sentiment and words is wonderful to witness.
Something like this you can't sacrifice substance for structure, and the changing rhyming pattern helps to progresses the song imo. I love how well the words come clean and each line means something - it doesn't take much to undermine a work like this and it's evident you've put the care in.
Beautiful melody throughout and I enjoyed how the musical transitions felt distinctive but never overpowering.
I'm sure the family will be touched, a tribute anyone would be proud to have.
Thanks for sharing.
Scott.
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Hi all,
Just checking in to say thanks for the responses, they're very much appreciated.
I'm going to do a personalised reply to everyone shortly, when I've got a little more time to do it.
Yodasdad
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When a loved one dies he takes with him a world in which nothing bad happened and shows us a life in which everything can be erased, suddenly, and there we stay, alone with our own discovery and our tears, a salt water that gives you the strength to keep going, caught in your moment.
Moving song, moving lyrics. The tone of the voice helps the feeling. See you. Mora
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Hey Yodasdad.
As men we dont like to let emotions show. Great job here, I knew exactly what you were saying without getting soppy or too deep.
Melody was easy to listen to, vocal is cool,
You dad would be proper proud of this.
Nice work Geezer.
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Great selection of chords, accompanied by a fine vocal. The production really allows the song to shine. No need to overcomplicate with a fuller production. I think the verse sections are the best part of this song and love the percussion that you have used to accompany the story telling. A song to be proud of and a lovely way to remember your Dad.
Well done!
Paul
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This is really beautiful man, you've done him proud!!
production sounds really nice, crisp and clear. only note i would have is the timings of the guitar go out, only once or twice i noticed [just at the start], not a massive thing but an easy fix in your music program :)
keep em coming man i really love your voice!!
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Sorry it's taken me so long to respond.
I gave a copy to my mum, brother, auntie and uncle. All cried, but appreciated it. Haven't heard from my brother but according to my mum he's listened to it. He shares his emotions and cries a lot to her but not with me. I think he took my dad's death a bit harder than me, probably because he was younger at the time and also because he didn't get to see him at the end.
Pompey
Thanks for your comment, I wanted to keep this one quite intimate , Glad you liked the production.
Oh great, this is why I don't like doing responses on my iPad, because I can only see handful of what everyone's written. I will respond to the ones I can see and come back to the rest of you later when I'm on my other computer.
Scub
Sorry to hear about your sister, yeah this just found the right time to write this one for some reason. Glad the emotion came across to you, thanks.
PaulyX
Thanks for your review Pauly, the lyrics came quite easy on this one, and if you like them I must've done something right. Thanks again.
Binladeda
Thanks for taking the time to listen, sorry/glad you cried :-) at least I know the emotions coming across.
Refusedrevival
Thanks for your observations, i'll have another look at the guitar, seems to be a bit of a problem with the samples not always lining up with the track quite right.
Mickyplankton
Thanks for listening, I have to admit though, it does take a little bit of pitch correction to get my vocals send in the way I do.
Cazrolina
Thanks, I know A lot of people will be able to relate to the theme but I'm surprised if it made everyone at your place cry, that means a lot, thanks.
Daniel Young
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment glad you liked it. Piano is my first instalment, so I try to push myself and move away from that, but maybe I'll go back and make a piano heavy version at some point.
Scott Levi
Thanks for your thoughtful review. I'm pleased that I came across as authentic because this one surely is.
Mora
Thanks for your thoughtful words and taking the time to listen.
Cawlroductions
If men don't like to show their emotions, I must be the manliest of men because it really comes hard for me, and I really can't do it unless it's in a song . Glad you liked it thanks for listening.
Wicked deeds
Thanks for your thoughts, I was originally going to keep it as just guitar and vocal but I thought that the percussion worked, glad you did too. I wanted to keep you arrangement in a way that I could imagine it being sung at the graveside either by myself or a small group of people.
Three key audio
Thanks for listening, commenting, and your observations. I'll take a look at the guitar, it seems to be a problem with the samples not always lining up properly with the track.
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The first bar took me to America, and their stellar sound.
I like the song, YD.......moves along really well and your voice carries the melody well.
Very uplifting......
-Tom
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And the rest of my replies...
Bill Saunders
Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment, glad you liked it.
Shadowfax
Thanks, must be okay if you think so.
Krysoe
Thanks, replied already in your thread didn't I.
Martin Swede
Thanks for your kind words. Interesting you should mention the brightness. I had a real issue with sibilance on this one. Its actually got 2 de-essers on it as well as manuallly ducking the sibilance all the way through. I think I've improved it a little on the second mix I posted but still, caused me a real headache.
Paulski.
Thanks, Yeah he was a good man, shame I never really got to know him. Thanks for listening and commenting.
Silver Machine.
Thanks, I know what your saying with the ballads thing. Thanks for listening anyway though. I'm ready, well I made sure I wasn't around when they listened to it anyway. ;)
Paulads
Thanks for your comment. Strangely, I actually found this one of the easiest I've ever written. Once I decided to do it, just all kind of came out in one go.
Morefrog
Haha, thanks. Don't look like there is one this month anyway.
Montydog
Thanks, I know what you mean. Normally I'm quite conscious of cliche etc but this one, almost wrote itself lyrically.
Darren 1664
Thanks a lot for commenting, glad you liked it.
Ironknee
Thanks, I wouldn't know how to write in an american style, but it's nice to know I can. Thanks for listening.
Thanks everyone
Now let it sink...