The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: montydog on November 01, 2017, 04:42:16 PM
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Hi peeps,
This is a new song I wrote about a beautiful but fleeting relationship. I sent Neil my vocal with a simple finger picked acoustic guitar accompaniment and this came back a few days later. I was blown away. Harmony vocals by my wife, Janine.
I hope you like it and feel the urge to comment.
https://soundcloud.com/alan-walker-4/cornflower-blue
Cornflower Blue
Goodbye my Cornflower Blue
A free bird that flew
You sang for a while
In my garden
Goodluck my Cornflower Blue
Our days were few
But your taste's stiil sweet
On my tongue
You hated the chains
And the cold northern rain
You wanted sun on your face
In the morning
The skies were Cornflower Blue
When our love was new
Like the bright silver dew
Of September
Your eyes of Cornflower Blue
Are the deepest hue
Like the endless roll
Of the ocean
Go ahead and chase your dreams
Even when it seems
They're fading faster than you run
I loved you Cornflower Blue
I always knew
You'd carry no blame
For this leaving
I called you Cornflower Blue
You were just passing through
I was only a town
On your journey
Goodbye Cornflower Blue
A free bird that flew
You sang for a while
In my garden
© Alan Walker 2017
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Simply beautiful Alan. A great production Neil. Well done chaps :-)
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Hey Alan, this is very beautiful. I like how you captured that country mood and musical style, which fits the subject matter just perfectly. Nice country bass. Great playing and production, too.
The bridge came in at just the right moment and gave a nice shift in the structure of the song, and then the solo added just the right amount of spice.
Good job everyone!
Bye Wolfi
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Yo Alan.
What a lovely song.
Poignant and nostalgic lyrics are brought to life by a memorable melody.
Great backing vocals and harmonies from Janine give a further polish to the song.
Fine playing and mixing from Neil. :)
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mmhhh;
soothing beautiful; a classic; really enjoyed the production as well.
the arrangement is perfect; like the small variations in the drum section; of course the doubled vocals and strings and guitars and lyrics and the singing
it s really very good in my ears.
ty
B
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Defo got the urge to comment..thought it was a very gentle and beautiful track..Neil did a really fab job!! :)
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Very nice, I don't know what genre this is, but who cares, it's got a hint of country, I'll just call it Monty music.
Nice and relaxed but lyrically engaging. The slow one syllable to a beat preceding cornflower each time is very effective.
Hats off to Mrs dog Monty, that sounds better, harmonies blended nicely.
Guitar, yep that was good to.
Okay, well it seems all was good then, my job here is done.
Yodasdad
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I concur with all of the above. This song feels just wonderful. A timeless classic indeed, with beautiful words. A grand job, team. :)
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Dude are you saying you had a relationship with a bird in your garden? And you licked it??
That's pretty weird but I like weird so that's cool, ok.
Man this is uber catchy, and I wish it wasn't y'know because it's not my music at all. It's my old man's music and I hope you understand I can't be caught singing that stuff.
Great voice man, you ever thought of cranking it up and doing rock? You could do it man.
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Mellow little song man. Conjures up vibest of the summer of 76 :) So well produced and arranged. Nice one
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Well, there's Nov SOTM all sewn up and it's only the 2nd ;D
Lots to like here. Excellent lyrics.
Silky vocals and harmonies, lovely instrumentation and polish.
Love the little half bar before each verse and how the hook is on every first line.
Oh, and perfect length!!
Paul
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Hi forum mates,
Just a little bump(!) to thank all those who commented on this. I think this is probably the first song I've posted on the forum where there were no nits and the one that sank quickest (bloody competition entries ::) )
So thumbs up and hugs to Paulski, Pompeyjazz, Silver Machine, Wicked Deeds, Cazrolina, Yodasdad, shadowfax, Skub, Wolfini and The Butcher and most of all to Neil Connor for bringing my little song to life.
M
Well, there's Nov SOTM all sewn up and it's only the 2nd ;D
Lots to like here. Excellent lyrics.
Silky vocals and harmonies, lovely instrumentation and polish.
Love the little half bar before each verse and how the hook is on every first line.
Oh, and perfect length!!
Paul
Mellow little song man. Conjures up vibest of the summer of 76 :) So well produced and arranged. Nice one
Dude are you saying you had a relationship with a bird in your garden? And you licked it??
That's pretty weird but I like weird so that's cool, ok.
Man this is uber catchy, and I wish it wasn't y'know because it's not my music at all. It's my old man's music and I hope you understand I can't be caught singing that stuff.
Great voice man, you ever thought of cranking it up and doing rock? You could do it man.
Simply beautiful Alan. A great production Neil. Well done chaps :-)
I concur with all of the above. This song feels just wonderful. A timeless classic indeed, with beautiful words. A grand job, team. :)
Very nice, I don't know what genre this is, but who cares, it's got a hint of country, I'll just call it Monty music.
Nice and relaxed but lyrically engaging. The slow one syllable to a beat preceding cornflower each time is very effective.
Hats off to Mrs dog Monty, that sounds better, harmonies blended nicely.
Guitar, yep that was good to.
Okay, well it seems all was good then, my job here is done.
Yodasdad
Defo got the urge to comment..thought it was a very gentle and beautiful track..Neil did a really fab job!! :)
mmhhh;
soothing beautiful; a classic; really enjoyed the production as well.
the arrangement is perfect; like the small variations in the drum section; of course the doubled vocals and strings and guitars and lyrics and the singing
it s really very good in my ears.
ty
B
Yo Alan.
What a lovely song.
Poignant and nostalgic lyrics are brought to life by a memorable melody.
Great backing vocals and harmonies from Janine give a further polish to the song.
Fine playing and mixing from Neil. :)
Hey Alan, this is very beautiful. I like how you captured that country mood and musical style, which fits the subject matter just perfectly. Nice country bass. Great playing and production, too.
The bridge came in at just the right moment and gave a nice shift in the structure of the song, and then the solo added just the right amount of spice.
Good job everyone!
Bye Wolfi
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Thanks for the feedback everyone.
Its different being responsible for working on someone elses tune rather than your own. I really enjoyed putting a delicate arrangment around Alans lovely tune, all topped off by their top vocals.
:)
Neil
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This is so good! Everything works in it and supports other parts.
That song is so sad, it's a romantic one but I got distracted mid listening and missed some parts and on the first listen it made me think about letting your kids go into the world. Then I listened again and there we go, another string struck.
The whole mix sits exactly right!
BTW - you had 666 followers, sorry, I ruined it :)
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Everything sounding really good here - BVs in particular give it a roundness and fullness which feels great. I like the way you keep the metaphor going all through so it could really be about a bird but we all imagine it's not.
Every now and then I thought a dramatic pause before the Cornflower Blue lines could add something poignant and let the previous line sink in but who knows, it's beautiful as is.
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Hi,
Thank you for the lovely feedback:-)
Everything sounding really good here - BVs in particular give it a roundness and fullness which feels great. I like the way you keep the metaphor going all through so it could really be about a bird but we all imagine it's not.
Every now and then I thought a dramatic pause before the Cornflower Blue lines could add something poignant and let the previous line sink in but who knows, it's beautiful as is.
Thanks Adam. Jan does a great job on the BVs - I shall pass your comments on. This song was basically an exercise in how to get in as many words as possible that rhymed with "Blue" and still made sense!
This is so good! Everything works in it and supports other parts.
That song is so sad, it's a romantic one but I got distracted mid listening and missed some parts and on the first listen it made me think about letting your kids go into the world. Then I listened again and there we go, another string struck.
The whole mix sits exactly right!
BTW - you had 666 followers, sorry, I ruined it :)
Bloody good job! 666 is the Mark Of The Beast :o The song is sad i guess but at least they had a magical time while it lasted. I hadn't thought of it in terms of children leaving home but I guess that could work. The mix is all down to Neil who is indeed a master at it. And producing. And arranging. And all instruments he turns his hands to. I am not worthy.
Thanks for the feedback everyone.
Its different being responsible for working on someone elses tune rather than your own. I really enjoyed putting a delicate arrangment around Alans lovely tune, all topped off by their top vocals.
:)
Neil
All true and I'm glad you enjoyed it - my musical incompetence does not make me the easiest to collaborate with. You have the patience of a saint!
Thanks for listening one and all.
M
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Hi Alan, what a great song and melody I like it a lot :).
0:3 - 0:6 sounds like a little out of synch backslash on the guitar - but that's minimal man
More please ::)
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I really liked this song. The harmonies are great.
I imagine this song sounds good in a lower key too.
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Very sweet and sentimental song. Easy on the ears. Brought me into a field on a sunny day. Made me think of the bicycle scene from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Lovely.
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Hi,
Lovely song, I like the melody and the feeling of the song. Maybe I miss a small change in drum beat.
Nothing else I want to criticise, well played and good production.
refusedrevival
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Love it!
Melody, performance, production!!! Just all around great work guys, and Mrs Monty! ;)
The verse absolutely knocks me out me every time! The lyrics are perfect! And the spot on production to top it off!
I wish I'd written it!
Superb!
Cheers,
Peter
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Beautiful poetic song. Evokes the Beatles and Simon and Garfunkels mellower output. Love the idea and the lyrics. Very gentle and a throwback to when songwriting could be simple and effective without massive production. As it is, the production is accomplished too. Great work chaps!
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Glad I didn't miss this one!
Just great.
Made me think of Lloyd Cole at his best.
All the parts gel very well, the BVs and guitars are sublime, and it has that "happy/sad" feel (both lyrically and musically) that is so powerful.
Old fashioned? possibly... but timeless? definitely.
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Old fashioned? possibly... but timeless? definitely.
That's it! - Timeless... that's what it is!
The time signature changes keep it interesting. I'm curious whether it might make it more of a feature if there were fewer of them - i.e. for some of the "Cornflower Blue" lines, to skip the count of 2 at the start of the line, and for others to keep it - maybe keep it for the first of each pair and lose it for the second of each pair... Just a pondering...
Love where the guitar gets a bit jangly just before the instrumental, and then I totally love the instrumental.
The mix of vocals is superb.
Very lovely, nice gentle summery sound. Added a bit of warmth and brightness to my November evening!
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Hi Alan and Neil,
apologies for the late bump but my ears have been blocked for a couple of works and are almost back to normal.
Great song and production, a very enjoyable listen on a cold Sunday morning.
Keith
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Great song that puts a good taste in the ears, and wonderful landscape of sounds. The lyrics are really The mix is wonderful! Muy buen trabajo. Hasta pronto. Mora
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What a lovely, classic song. It's recorded quite quiet though - compare it to others in your stream, don't you think?
But easily amended, and you can't put a good song down! Lovely! ;D
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First off....what a beautiful recording........your recording equipment, and how you use it is awesome. I wish I could get that dynamic a sound ;D
The writing, is right up my alley......has a slant of Gordon Lightfoot.
Hey....that's a nice little rhytum you have there in that acoustic guitar ;)
Your singing is nice and clear and emotion overflows in the melody.
Good stuff, man!!
8)-Tom