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Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: CaliaMoko on October 21, 2017, 03:43:53 AM
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Here's my "Dark Side of the Tune" entry. I had a lot of fun with this. Instead of my usual guitar track and one to three vocal tracks, I went online and found some cool (to me, anyway) sound effects and experimented with them. Then I also experimented with some midi percussion and bass. Finally, I added a bit of a lyric and ended up with this. Well, something close to this. I posted it in "Works in Progress" and got a couple comments first and made a few adjustments. It could use a little more adjusting, but I haven't been home enough (and--in fact--am not home right now so don't have access to my recording computer). Anyway, if you feel moved to listen and comment, I'm more interested in feedback on my production as opposed to my usual "don't bother commenting on my production because I don't know what I'm doing". Other feedback is more than welcome, too, of course. Please be ruthless. It's the only way I can improve. ;D
https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/somethings-coming-demo
EDIT: Updated production--https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/somethings-coming-remix/s-k9gqg
Something's Coming
(Whispered: I'm scared. It's so dark.)
Something's coming. I can hear it.
Running, running. I'm so scared.
I can't see it. Where's the light?
Something's coming, in the night.
Can you hear it, can you hear it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear?
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.
Something's coming. I can feel it.
Shivers running up my spine.
I can't see it, but I feel it.
Something's coming in the night.
Can you hear it, can you feel it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear.
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.
Can you hear it, can you feel it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear.
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.
Can you hear it, can you feel it?
Howling, screaming, striking fear.
Something's coming, something's coming
After me.
(Whispered: It's so dark.)
Copyright 2017 Vicki Morrison
All Rights Reserved
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It was scary until you started singing..your voice is just too nice to scare anyone...and you don't sound scared!!
otherwise it's a fine effort..it would maybe be more scary and darker if you whispered the song with a sort of cave like reverb on the whisper...or added an effect to the voice..maybe a telephone effect as if you were calling someone because your scared.... :) :) lyrics definitely work though :) :)
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Hi Vicki,
Great intro.
Spooky atmosphere.
I think the production works well - gives a shrouded in fog sort of feel.
Shadow says your voice is too nice - which is true - but for me your delivery has a sort of sinister innocence - a bit like you get in the original Wicker Man film.
Liked the vocal melodies.
Works for me.
Digger
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Hey Vicki,
Reading your description, I wasn't sure what to expect at all.. but how magnificent this is! And thoroughly spooky!
I think your voice suited well to a spooky edge, those winding melodies float around so elegantly! "Shivers running up my spine" was simply enthralling.
Hit the remit and plus some for me; great scary music, spooky vocals, tense story. I like this experimentation, I hope you keep it up because you've got a knack blending those effects and midis.
Wasn't expecting the scream at all! :'D
Very enjoyable listen, cheers for sharing!
All the best,
Scott.
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Yo Vicki.
This is one of those childhood things that's supposed to be good,but...like clowns and Satan Claws.. :o
We KNOW the truth. :o
Excellent work.
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That was great. I loved all the scary sounds. I got a fairy tale "good witch" vibe from your voice. Loved the atmosphere you created. Took me into the forest on an autumn night.
Lynn
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(Spoiler alert)
Omg I damn near shat myself at 1.45!
In terms of pure shock value this is the best entry so far by a mile, it's atmospheric too. Great use of effects and a chillingly timeless fairy tale type story. Perhaps we will never know what it was that was coming, but whatever it was it was as scary as hell.
Great entertainment Vicki.
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This is excellent Vicki and I applaud you're experimentation. I can see that you've been hard at work with Reaper :) It's great fun working with sound effects, sometimes they can make a huge difference and really add atmosphere to a song ;D
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@Kevin:
It's hard to feel bad about a crit that says my voice is "too nice"! :D It never occurred to me to try a telephone effect. I like that idea and plan to give it a try. Thank you!
@Digger:
Thank you for the complimentary words. And now I have to find out what the Wicker Man film(s) is. Err, are? ;D
@Scott:
Oh, I think I love you! Thanks for the awesome feedback! But if you have any suggestions for improvement, I'd love to hear them, too.
@Davy:
Yes, we do, don't we??? !! Rowr! >:( ;D
@Lynn:
That's kinda what I was looking for. Glad that's what you got from it. Thanks so much!
@Micky:
LOL! So glad you liked it that much! Scary is definitely what I was going for!
@John:
Thanks, John! Your hints and tips for working with Reaper have been very helpful! It has been a lot of fun putting this together. Although somewhat grueling at times, as well. :)
Thanks, everyone for listening! I appreciate it muchly indeed!
Vicki
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Hi Viki,
Great song. Thought you mixed it really well.
I certainly got the message ;D ;D
The only suggestion would be the 'character' of the vocal.
It needs a bit of dirt/grit. Have you got a growl ? It's too
nice/gentle. On the other hand, you could go the other way
and make it choral...gregorian maybe. That might suit 'dark'
better.....just some thoughts. ;D
Love it ;D ;D
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Hi Vicki,
a classic 50s ballad sung by a banshee, definitely a good thing for me.
You did a very fine job with the production.
Good luck in the competition.
Keith
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I think it has a sweet edgey-ness and there is a good use of sound effects with a gallic banshee feel of wild bogs and mist - very off the wall and would not be out of place in a filmtrack.
Great stuff.
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Good first production Vicki.
I would have omitted the guitar as I don’t think it compliments the song. Perhaps an organ, electric piano or string sound would have been better.
Reverb has been used to good effect on your vocal with this production. There is a noticeable difference between this version and the work in progress version. I would ease of this effect a little as it can at times, make the vocal disappear into the distance. Overall it helps the production tremendously. The song is very short. I would have liked it to evolve into something much bigger. Maybe that is something you will explore over time.
The effects are ideal for the dark side brief. Good luck in the competition with this song Vicki.
Paul
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Hi! I really enjoyed it, the atmosphere, the whispers, the lyric.
Great song and easy to listen to.
Mora :)
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Hi Vicky
great to hear some new directions and experimentation from you. I do like the way you sing the melody, really brings more life than the bare words.
For me the vocal was a little quiet and sort of muffled... Not sure if you were going for a distant effect but I would probably process it a bit less - the whispering sounded very clear in contrast.
But a great production and lots of interest - and definitely dark!
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Just caught up with this one, Vicki...it’s brilliant!
Eerily atmospheric and generates a real sense of foreboding.
I think the vocal suits perfectly...it’s when we realise that beauty IS the beast that the real fear will hit us.
Fantastic...I think this will do really well in the competition :)
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@binladeda:
Thanks! Great ideas. Unfortunately, I have no growl in my voice. I've never been able to do that. :( When I try, it hurts my throat. The Gregorian chant idea sounds intriguing, though....
@Keith:
Thanks, Keith! I'm a prisoner of my past. I only seem to be able to produce material that hearkens back to the fifties and sixties. Sometimes maybe a little seventies....
@Morefrog:
Awesome! That's pretty much what I was going for! ;D Thanks!
@"Wicked Deeds" Paul:
I did wonder about the guitar, but I'm not ready for the next step in production. It would have been considerably more stress for me to figure out how to midi an organ in there. Although, I do have a keyboard that will simulate a variety of organ sounds....I might eventually see what I can do with that. Finessing reverb is a work in progress for me. I don't really understand what the settings mean, so I'm kinda shooting in the dark there. And I, too, would have liked this to go on a bit longer, but I couldn't think of anything more to add. It might happen eventually, though.
@Mora:
Thanks a bunch; I'm glad you enjoyed it. I've been trying to get to one of your posted songs, but I don't have enough bandwidth to watch videos, so it's a challenge. I'll manage eventually, though.
@Adam:
Thanks for the observation comparing the whispers and sung vocals. I hadn't thought about the contrast in terms of distance. More practice for me!
@Paul:
Thank you for your optimism and compliments. I'm actually quite blown away by all the positive feedback. I have been regarding this piece as basically rubbish. I like to think I'm a good, objective judge of my own work...but then...I also would like to think that everyone is giving me their honest opinions.... ;D
Thank you to everyone for listening. I appreciate it a great deal.
Vicki
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Hi Vicki,
If you'd like me to add a few bells and whistles. Send me a personal message and I will dress this up further. Nothing too exciting, just a few additions.
Best
Paul
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Hello Vickie
I'm late to the party here but enjoyed this too. Especially the intro and the spooky backing vocals there. I enjoyed all the sound effects but didn't think they needed to disappear completely in the middle of the song, it was a bit of a 'sound effects sandwich' at the minute but maybe if you just mixed them right down in the middle part it would stitch the sections together a bit more.
The vocal melody was really interesting. It sounded sort of 'medieval' to me, a bit like part of a madrigal or something. Maybe Binladeda was tapping into something similar with the Gregorian Chant suggestion. I think that historical vibe suits this topic well... spooky music from another time.
Great work!
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Hi Vicky,
Started off with the scary theme with the samples, Think someone else mentioned maybe a more sinister vocal would have sat better, think this one was a bit bouncy, Lyrics fit well, Like the double you have on the lead vocal...
Mix was cool, for me the samples a little loud and a bit of reverb and delay to make them a little more dark may have helped
But I gather you are on the DAW learning curve, if so, this is a great mix, keep up the good work.
Cheers
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@Paul:
PM has been sent.
@Paulyx:
You know, I did wonder about the "sandwich effect". It sounded too busy to me with the sound effects running all the way through, so I faded them out at the beginning of the vocal and back in at the end. I'll have to try mixing them down low but not totally gone. Or maybe a little wind, chime, or wolf howl could flare up here and there.
Andy:
Thanks for the hints. I will play with the effects when I can. I was concerned they might be too loud or something.
Thanks all for listening. I appreciate it very much.
Vicki
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Hi Vicki
Well I loved this ;D ;D
Great effects start and finish and the vocals reminded me of the old movie "The Innocents" which we just watched again last week. Love that melody that jumps up at the end of the lines - excellent!
The best I've heard you yet and you've had some good stuff ;D
This will do well I predict.
Paul
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Hi Vicki,
I've finished my production of this. Please check your messages.
thanks,
Paul
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Hi
I love your voice in this, and especially how you move the melody around over vowel sounds - sca-aa-aa-rd, and ni-i-i-ight for example.
That said, I was struggling to hear the words at times - e.g. compare how quiet "after me" is versus "up my spine". Not saying you want to squash all the dynamics, but with this much reverb, you probably need to use compression a bit more. Also, I would like the kick drum to have a bit more "thump".
Great song, and with a couple of small tweaks, it will be even better IMHO.
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@Paulski:
Oh, another movie to check out. I don't think I'm familiar with The Innocents. And thank you for your optimistic prediction and lavish praise! :D
@Bill:
Thank you for the suggestions and the compliments. I have a new version that may take care of the trouble hearing the words and the overly dynamic dynamics. ;D
Paul aka Wicked Deeds:
Thank you for your generous offer to work on the production. I have just now uploaded the result. You can find it at https://soundcloud.com/caliamoko/somethings-coming-remix/s-k9gqg.
I think it's an improvement over both the other versions. I have more ideas to continue to improve it, but this will have to do for the "Dark" challenge.
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Had a listen to the improved version, very impressed.
Your production has definitely taken a leap while I've been away.
I thought this song worked well, I particularly liked the ascending descending run in the melody.
I agree with the comment about dirtying up your vocal would add to the atmosphere.
The only other thing I might try, but might not work, is a slightly detuned or rougher sounding piano sample. To give it that eerie, old abandoned piano sound.
Good stuff Vicki.
Yodasdad
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Yes, just listened to the updated version - great stuff!
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Haunted feeling, gives me goosebumps. I listened to the first version a few days back but did not get around to posting, but I think the new mix is better. You vocals sit much better in it now.
Nice entry for the competition. :)
Bye Wolfi
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Hi - Lots of fun, dark stuff in this! Sound effects were cool, especially the chimes. The bass sample sounded a little out of tune but maybe that was intentional? I’m one for avoiding repetition in arrangements, and use things like the cymbal crash sparingly. I’m not sure where I stand on the sweet quality of your voice in a dark piece, but I think it worked well. Hope to hear more of your stuff!
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I think you've done a great job with the production of this track Vickie. Good for you to experiment with something new. You've managed to create a really scary feel especially in the intro and outro :o
I think you could extend the song by adding some of the scary effects in the middle somewhere, but I like it as is too. I like the effects on your voice, but if they were a little more in your face, I think it could be even more effective. :o Great entry and good luck :)
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Hi Vicki,
Nice to hear something a little experimental from you. I thought the drum/cymbal was too much - it really started to annoy me very quickly but other than that, I liked the sound palette you chose. It's not a scary track - there is no menace as such but this approach is more unsettling in a strange way. I could do with the vocals much further up in the mix and as others have said, some effects to add some grit and threat.
Nice one
M
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Opening chimes with those animal noises, very dark and unsettling! Loving the melody and effects on this. The synthy/chugging/generator noise at the end is brill. (What was it??) The upward melody on the second line of the verses is really nice. Lovely vocals and strong lyrics as always, mrs. Plus a rather nice bit of piano too. Isn’t it cool how you can take quite a beautiful noise - like twinkly percussion and a piano - and make them seem twisted and sinister. Dark indeed.
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Vicki,
Good to hear your branching out pretty successfully too. The atmospheric intro and outro do what they need to but I was really intrigued by the song itself especially vocals and melody of the 'chorus' That the Can you hear it, can you feel it? part. It had real energy and joyful traditional folk feel and to me if I'm being really honest should be developed into a full song. The tremeloed guitars and backing vocals are good too.
Too much wet reverb on your voice, which is a wonderful thing and shouldn't be shrouded to such an amount.
Hope these help
:)
neil
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Builds a good atmosphere from the start...very folk singer vocals which are nice....oh, aren't they supposed to be?!
Crikey that was short Vicki...added to the scary moment feel that it didn't drag on though...this one really fits the bill of the comp and sure to tickle the fancy of some of the voters for that.
Just read the other reviews and Digger coins a good phrase with 'sinister innocence' which helps me with my comment on your nice vocal...and the Wicker Man reference is good....that closing sequence...the film not your song!
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Hi vicky
I heard this a few times in the WiP section and it's great to hear a final version.
I really admire how you challenged yourself with a high production song and I think you've done a great job. It certainly suits the theme and this finished mix feels dark and spooky. It's great work Vicki!! Well done
All the best
Darren