The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: David Christy Jones on October 20, 2017, 05:08:12 PM
-
Here's a little silly song I penned in about 10 minutes :P
It's the first time I've ever tried doing a sort of 'comedy' song.
Influenced in part by the lyrics and music of The Tiger Lillies.
I'd really love to hear how you guys find this :D
https://soundcloud.com/user-534764711/idle-johnny
Lyrics:
Little lazy Johnny was idle, through and through.
He never did the dishes, he never cooked the stew.
His Ma and Pa, in great despair, one winters eve went out....
And skid into a snow drift with an almighty clout!
The two of them were dead indeed, of that there was no doubt.
Now lazy Johnny's all alone to fend but for himself.
What's a lazy boy to do when he has noone else?
He sat upon his lazy chair and wept and begged for help.
Chorus:
Oh Johnny, perhaps it's best to end it all.
Oh Johnny, your idle hands inviting sin,
Oh Johnny, Johnny boy.
The lazy little cretin boy, when teatime came around....
Did not cook a single thing, instead he sat about.
He twiddled both his thumbs, and then he twiddled them some more.
He twiddled both his thumbs until his little hands were sore.
A week went by, the snow did fly, and became so deep.
As Johnny sat upon his seat, the cold did slowly creep.
But lazy little Johnny boy, no wood did he chop;
To keep the fire burning, or keep the embers hot.
Chorus:
Oh Johnny, perhaps it's best to end it all.
Oh Johnny, your idle hands inviting sin,
Oh Johnny, Johnny boy.
The bitter cold sang through the house, and chilled him to the bone.
A little skinny Johnny upon his icy throne.
He tried to twiddle both his thumbs, alas they'd grown stiff;
The frostbite took his thumbs away and oh how Johnny wept.
And now upon his lazy chair, little Johnny sits....
A little frozen ice cube, a skinny little twit.
These idle hands, they do not work,
The devil had his way.
Now frozen little Johnny shall sit here every day.
Chorus:
Oh Johnny, perhaps it's best to end it all.
Oh Johnny, your idle hands inviting sin,
Oh Johnny, Johnny boy.
Oh Johnny, Johnny boy.
Oh Johnny, Johnny boy.
-
This has a lotta charm. I really dig your voice man, it's very listenable, and the walking blues sorta style here is a winner.
The black humour throws a dark cloak over the silly comedy aspect, so the listener labels it ghoulish and gothic and the ultimate accolade of 'cool'.
Great stuff man, if I had it I'd play this a lot.
-
I thoroughly enjoyed that! That was so fun. A trip to the circus for my ears.
-
Yo DCJ
This is a cool,amusing and well crafted piece.
My only recommendation would be to give the the chorus a bit of a lift,it sits too close to the verses and the hook loses a bit of impact.
-
Thanks everyone! I hadn't considered it in any way "gothic" as such, but I'll take that compliment! :P
-
It is fine to find lyrics :o like your's, they are very different. I enjoyed your funny/sad song. See you. Mora
-
David,
This song is class. Really like it, Vocal timing and tone is really cool.
Think you nailed it completely, cant really think of anything bad to say.
Loved it..
-
Ahh what a great track, thoroughly enjoyed. The lyrics are superb! and I really loved the style you sang them in and the backing music. I think this is really impressive! You got a lot of talent.
All the best
Darren
-
You can't help but like this mate! It's got a lot of quirky charm. I loved the frostbitten twiddling thumbs... interesting to focus on a detail like that. Could imagine the Bonzo Dog Dooda Band performing this. A nice counterbalance to your other more serious pieces.
-
I like the comparison to the Bonzos! Cheers! :D
-
This is great fun, very original and creative.
I followed the story with anticipation all the way through and I'm not usually one pay much attention to lyrics.
I think this one should be taught to kids in primary schools the land over.
Yodasdad
-
Haha! The thought of this being taught in schools to naughty lazy children is a great music video idea :P