The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Mikey on October 18, 2017, 09:16:22 PM
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Here is a track Andy and me have been playing with for a while and have finally finished it, its another loud one so turn it up to 11.
https://soundcloud.com/cawproductions/shopping-and-dogging
Verse 1:
intro track:
I thought I saw you at the bus stop
tight jeans high heels and that blue top
You had a job on the counter in the co-op
Your wearing clothes that were a bargain from the pound shop
Pre chorus:
Now I can see that you have changed....
you think you have it pre arranged.....
Chorus:
you can be, you can be, like one of them.
You can be, You can be.....Theyre always shoppin and Doggin.
and now wanna be like one of them
youre just shoppin and Doggin.
Verse 2:
Now you're running with the jet set
made your money selling porn on the internet
Brings you out in a cold sweat
selling out, sell yourself, with no regrets
(little solo)
One in the bank, Fill the tank, draw a blank
and then you’re on it again……..
Verse 3;
Now you're trying to catch a millionaire
Digging for gold with your long bleached blonde hair
You got a dirty money love affair
Now thats a secret with ya friends, you don’t wanna share
Now I can see that you have changed....
you think you have it pre arranged.....
But you gunna find out what its about, when your done
When the bottom of your world had enough and gone.......(to chorus solo BV)
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nice song guys new wave/indie sounding nice catchy chorus! well done mate!
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Ah ! My 2 favourite activities, hang on, I thought it was all about going to Tesco and taking our furry friends to the park but it isn't, it ??? Great rocking tune guys, I had to turn it up to 12 ;D
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HI Guys.
Ah ! My 2 favourite activities, hang on, I thought it was all about going to Tesco and taking our furry friends to the park but it isn't, it ??? Great rocking tune guys, I had to turn it up to 12 ;D
were you thinking of something else Pompeyjazz>.......Nice
Thanks for kind words, glad you liked it, was a smasher, I mixed it very looooud too, poss a bit too much, but hey, its a rock song.
nice song guys new wave/indie sounding nice catchy chorus! well done mate!
Thanks Macker, Glad the chorus came through as we hoped.
Cheers
Andy
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Dudes, dial E for Excitement, this is f**kin awesome.
I heard about 20 seconds and instinctively knew I was in the presence of greatness.
Yeah lyrically it's sloppy and throwaway but y'know I don't care when the rest is this good.
You guys are on fire!
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Dudes, dial E for Excitement, this is f**kin awesome.
I heard about 20 seconds and instinctively knew I was in the presence of greatness.
Yeah lyrically it's sloppy and throwaway but y'know I don't care when the rest is this good.
You guys are on fire!
Thanks a lot mate, lyrics are the bit we find more difficult to write but we always try to get the whole thing working together. Anyway, really glad you like it.
Mikey
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Hi Guys,
Enjoyed this a lot.
Sort of Arctic Monkeys meets Blur.
Cool music and top vocal performance.
Could have done with Stan Collymore rapping over it though... :)
Digger
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Hey guys. I much prefer this one to your last tune. It's got a more genuine feel to it and a real swagger. It rewards repeat listens too. The second time I played it, really grabbed me by the balls (in a good way) :)
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Cheers Guys,
Again this was a track that I sang on so we weren't sure if my vocal would work on it. Added a bit of distortion, sorted.
Its a bit of a storytelling track so just boshed it in punk style.
Cant go wrong with loads of guitars and drums.
Thanks for the listens
Andy
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Yo Mikey.
I love the sound on the rhythm guitar,just the right amount of crunch without any fizzy nastiness,lovely.
The vocals sit really well with the Oasis feel to the song. My only thought would be to scale back on few of the lead passages and let the song breathe. It's a thing with us guitarists,we need someone to tell us when to stfu. :D
Very enjoyable,rocking tune.
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Yo Mikey.
I love the sound on the rhythm guitar,just the right amount of crunch without any fizzy nastiness,lovely.
The vocals sit really well with the Oasis feel to the song. My only thought would be to scale back on few of the lead passages and let the song breathe. It's a thing with us guitarists,we need someone to tell us when to stfu. :D
Very enjoyable,rocking tune.
Cheers Skub, thanks for the great feedback, totally disagree that lead guitar can be too loud though, I have the same argument with Andy on every track ;D
Glad you like it
Mikey
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Great guitars and vocals!! This is a feel good rocking song, great stuff! Really well produced too!!
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Hey guys,
Lots to like here, vocals and music are great, I love the title! Haha! Very catchy chorus...”you can beeee...” ;D
There’s some great backing vocals.....BUT (sorry :o) for me it’s a bit too busy when you sing ...”now I can see that you have changed.” Let me explain... I like your idea, but too my ears...it all seems a bit on top of each other there,which makes it hard for the ear to decide what it should be focusing on. (I hope that makes sense) it might just be a case of adjusting the backing vocals volume there? It might be that the sounds of the words themselves are busy when put together, by that I mean the “ch” & “ged”...oh hell,sorry, I’m not being very articulate ::) I guess I mean, some words “sing” better than others, when put next to other words? :-\ ;D
I hope that’s of some use to you guys. I did really enjoy the track. ;D
Cheers
Leo
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Cheers Darren, so glad you enjoyed it.
Leo, I know what you mean about it being a bit busy in places, to be honest, we wrote this track for a laugh, and decided we were going over the top on everything, so we have been pleasantly surprised that it has gone down so well, the title came from chatting to Andy on the phone while I was walking the dog, and said I have to go shopping with the Mrs later, and it all stemmed from there, its amazing where the ideas spring from. anyway, thanks for the great comments.
Mikey
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Hi Lostboy..
Ha, yeh I did say to Mikey about this mix being busy but then we said, what the hell, Lets make it a bit chaotic...It was a bit of a nightmare to mix...
No worries with feedback, thats what we put our tracks up for, to get the listeners perspective...Even if people dont like it, Thats just the way it is. I always feel you gotta write and record what your personal taste likes.
I have only just started to record my own vocals as I hated my own voice when played back but am getting used to it a bit now, (still not a fan), strangely enough, I am super picky when recording other vocalists..
Thanks for checking it out..
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Yay, as soon as the first verse started I could tell we were in for a treat - a journey to a dirty garage band gig in 1978... all the energy of punk but the melodies of new wave starting to creep in.
Great in-yer-face title. Vocals sound great but maybe slightly too effects laden as I couldn't make out the words without reading them. I thought you could probably shorten it a bit for this kind of kick-over-some-dustbins-and-leave rocker, but that said my attention didn't wander at all... plenty of attitude and old skool grimey licks. Change of vocal rhythm into the chorus works a treat. Would love to hear it played ear-splittingly loud live somewhere.
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Thoroughly enjoyed this one...it’s right up my street.
Super punky feel to it and catchy too...the layered vocals work really well...with a great chorus to top it off.
Excellent!
I’ll also say I really enjoyed the lead guitar and would have liked it to have been louder, in an attempt to get back on your Xmas card list :)
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Paulyx
Thanks mate, we were totally going OTT on purpose as it was only supposed to be a jokey track, so we're blown away by all of the responses we've had so far, thanks for your great feedback.
PaulAds
Thanks for the great feedback, you are now back at the top of the list, I may even slip in a mince pie.
Cheers, Mikey
Mikey
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Yeah! Good thing you and Andy are rocking and rolling!!! Your music has very good vibrations and transmits young energy. It is good. I think people can connect easily with it! Hasta luego. Mora
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Yeah! Good thing you and Andy are rocking and rolling!!! Your music has very good vibrations and transmits young energy. It is good. I think people can connect easily with it! Hasta luego. Mora
Thanks Mora, its been many years since either of us were energetic, and even longer since we were called young!, glad you liked the song.
Mikey
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Well, as a number of notorious UK dogging spots are within a few miles of my house this one is almost literally right up my street.
Fully energetic with some nice powerful guitars, got a nice vibe to it.
Well produced as usual. If I had one small criticism it would be that I struggled to make out some of the lyrics as they seemed to be a little hidden by the music at times. Probably just my ears though so I wouldn't worry.
Right, I'm off to check my headlights are workin.
Yodasdad
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Hi Yodasdad,
Good to see you're back, hope the nose is ok now, and thanks for the positive comments, we know the mix is very busy, this track was meant as a bit of fun and we purposely went a bit crazy with it, so we are pleased but surprised at how well it has been received, I just hope we can keep it up!
Thanks again, Mikey
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First song of yours I've listened to. I really dug the vibe of this! The attitude and pace of the arrangement is frenetic and fun. Even with such a busy mix, I could every element clearly. I love the rhyme schemes and word choice. Kept my interest through the whole thing. Interweaving the chorus lyrics was super effective. My only nit is the guitar soloing seemed kind of predictable and unimaginative. Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.
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First song of yours I've listened to. I really dug the vibe of this! The attitude and pace of the arrangement is frenetic and fun. Even with such a busy mix, I could every element clearly. I love the rhyme schemes and word choice. Kept my interest through the whole thing. Interweaving the chorus lyrics was super effective. My only nit is the guitar soloing seemed kind of predictable and unimaginative. Looking forward to hearing more of your stuff.
Thanks, mate, great that you like the track and the production, the guitar was meant to be basic as was the whole track, it was just done as a mess around for a laugh but it turned out better than we thought. If you would like to hear some more of our stuff, check out the youtube link at the bottom of this post
Mikey