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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: Nicolajane87 on October 17, 2017, 02:07:28 PM

Title: Until the end of time
Post by: Nicolajane87 on October 17, 2017, 02:07:28 PM
Hi it’s been a while since I’ve posted any lyrics on here, I would like some feedback on this song I’m currently writing it’s not completed but would love to know your thoughts on it, I haven’t written many songs so it’s not perfect I’m still learning, let me know what you think thanks.


Until the end of time

You know I was
searching for so long,
Never thought that I
would find that special one,
But then you came along
and stole my heart away,
Now its with you
where I want to stay,


I couldn’t imagine where
I would be without you,
My world wouldn’t be the same
I’m glad that I found you,
Your the reason why I
have this smile upon my face,
Hope you know there is no other
Who could ever take your place.

Chorus
I don’t want nobody else
Only you by my side
You know your the only one
That I need in my life
Sometimes I can’t believe
That you are really mine
I just wanna love you
Until the end of time
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: Vintage54 on October 17, 2017, 03:48:05 PM

   Hello NicolaJane,
      Is this just a lyric at present, or do you have music that fits it perfectly? If not, can i make a suggestion? chisel the lines a little. Something like this....

                        I was searching for so long
                        Looking for that special one
                        You came and stole my heart away
                        Now it's with you i want to stay

                        Where would i be without you
                        I'm so glad that i found you
                        You put this smile upon my face
                        No one else could take your place

   That's the way i would go, just a suggestion. It's your song, and the rhythm you're hearing is probably a lot different to the one that came to me. Go ahead and complete it, i'm sure the rest will come. Hope i helped in some way.

                                  Vintage54
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: Nicolajane87 on October 17, 2017, 04:06:57 PM
Hi Vintage54

Thank you for the feedback, yes i do have music for it just trying to get the lyrics completed to it.
I appreciate the suggestion, thanks for replying.


NicolaJane
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: pompeyjazz on October 17, 2017, 10:50:44 PM
Hi NJ, lovely sensitive lyrics that have been well thought out
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: Nicolajane87 on October 17, 2017, 11:03:33 PM
Hi PompeyJazz,

Thank you for the lovely feedback.
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: pompeyjazz on October 17, 2017, 11:12:04 PM
Have you got any music in mind NJ ? I have a few ideas if you're interested but they are pretty dark and dreary . Anyway, pm if interested
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: hardtwistmusic on October 18, 2017, 08:40:55 PM
Some suggestions:  


Until the end of time

You know I was
searching for so long,
Never thought that I
would find that special one,

But then you came along
and stole my heart away,
Now its with you
where I want to stay,

I couldn’t        not imagine
where I would be without you,

My world would   n’t be the same    be so different.
I’m glad that I found you,
Your the reason why I have
this smile upon my face.

Hope you     I know there is no other
Who could ever take your place.

Chorus
I don’t want nobody else
Only you by my side
You know your the only one
That I need in my life

Sometimes I can’t believe
That you are really mine
I just wanna love you
Until the end of time

All changes are for one reason. . . sings a little easier.  If you have a tune in mind that demands your lyric stays the same, ignore my suggestions.  Use any you like, and ignore the rest.  Everything I didn't change, I liked a lot.
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: Jackdaw on October 18, 2017, 08:59:54 PM
Quote from: Nicolajane87 on October 17, 2017, 02:07:28 PM
Hi it’s been a while since I’ve posted any lyrics on here, I would like some feedback on this song I’m currently writing it’s not completed but would love to know your thoughts on it, I haven’t written many songs so it’s not perfect I’m still learning, let me know what you think thanks.


Until the end of time

You know I was
searching for so long,
Never thought that I
would find that special one,
But then you came along
and stole my heart away,
Now its with you
where I want to stay,


I couldn’t imagine where
I would be without you,
My world wouldn’t be the same
I’m glad that I found you,
Your the reason why I
have this smile upon my face,
Hope you know there is no other
Who could ever take your place.

Chorus
I don’t want nobody else
Only you by my side
You know your the only one
That I need in my life
Sometimes I can’t believe
That you are really mine
I just wanna love you
Until the end of time


Greetings.
Try this for a Chorus...

I need nobody else
Only you by my side
So please never leave
And please never hide
Sometimes I can't believe
That you're really mine
I just wanna love you
Until the end of all time.

Regards
Jackdaw1888 :-)

Ps...
Or...
" Until the end of our time"
Title: Re: Until the end of time
Post by: Nicolajane87 on October 18, 2017, 10:12:59 PM
Thank you all for taking the time to reply and looking at my lyrics, i appreciate all your feedback.