The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat
Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Works in Progress => Topic started by: redrhodie on October 16, 2017, 02:06:45 PM
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Hello there,
This is something I've been working on, and I'm not sure if it's done or not. Let me know if you think it needs anything.
Thanks,
Lynn
Listen to In Good Time by faraway my lovely #np on #SoundCloud
https://soundcloud.com/user-468459034/in-good-time
Lyrics:
In good time
You're gonna love me
It's gonna happen
In good time
In good time
The stars will align
The moon will shine
And you'll be mine
It's been a long time waiting here without you
Satin pillow's too cold on my neck
My sweet perfume reminds me of my loneliness
But I wear it cuz I know that you'll be back
My friends say
That I should forget you
I'll live to regret you
You should stay away
But in good time
The stars will align
The moon will shine
And you'll be mine
And on the night that Venus casts her shadow
I'll prick my finger with a shiny tack
And with a drop of blood I'll lite a candle
Then I'll know that
You'll be coming back
In good time
You're gonna love me
It's gonna happen
In good time
In good time
The stars will align
The moon will shine
And you'll be mine
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Hi Lynn,
this reminds me of an old Appalachian classic. The mines have shut and your man has gone to find work in Louisville. Your friends never liked him, they think he's deserted you but you know he'll be back.
Or maybe your song's not about that at all. A good set of lyrics always allows a space for the listener to imagine what its about, and these are a good set of lyrics.
Its hard to hear what could be added, it seems almost complete.
Keith
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Hi Lynn,
this reminds me of an old Appalachian classic. The mines have shut and your man has gone to find work in Louisville. Your friends never liked him, they think he's deserted you but you know he'll be back.
Or maybe your song's not about that at all. A good set of lyrics always allows a space for the listener to imagine what its about, and these are a good set of lyrics.
Its hard to hear what could be added, it seems almost complete.
Keith
Thanks for the feedback, Keith. I appreciate it. Glad you liked it.
Lynn
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Nicely paced thing that sounds and feels "authentic" and outside of time. At the same time I got a tad of indie-feel. Could almost hear some or other indie-princess from the 4AD-label performing this. Some soft added harmonies or subtile instrumentation might add some flavor and make the song evolve a little but I think it works like this too. Pretty. :)
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Nicely paced thing that sounds and feels "authentic" and outside of time. At the same time I got a tid of indie-feel. Could almost hear some or other indie-princess from the 4AD-label performing this. Some soft added harmonies or subtile instrumentation might add some flavor and make the song evolve a little but I think it works like this too. Pretty. :)
Thanks so much, Skogge. Great suggestions. I'll need to check out that label.
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Sounds like you've gone back further than the 1960s for this one. It's like old time Americana.
Nice enough tune, though it does sound a bit generic for the genre.
I gotta say your voice lifted it out of the ordinary for me.
What about a bit of tambourine to give it a bit of rhythm, and don't you have an Ebow? That might be good to enhance the sad mood.
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Sounds like you've gone back further than the 1960s for this one. It's like old time Americana.
Nice enough tune, though it does sound a bit generic for the genre.
I gotta say your voice lifted it out of the ordinary for me.
What about a bit of tambourine to give it a bit of rhythm, and don't you have an Ebow? That might be good to enhance the sad mood.
Thanks for the honest feedback Silvermachine. I do have an Ebow. Good memory. But "generic" makes me want to throw this one away. They can't all be keepers.
Thanks again,
Lynn