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Songwriter Forum => Lyrics => Topic started by: SFX on August 05, 2017, 08:27:04 PM
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First draft of a song I wrote, a midtempo song with a rap.. I would appreciate your feedback :)
Deep underground
Our secret place
No sign of the light
We'd soon have to face
Your arms around me
Like seaweed encasing jewels
The tides, they do turn
And they had me fooled
Oh your skin is tan
Tan as the sand
The golden grains
That slipped through my hands
I left my heart in Valhalla
Behind a waterfall of dreams
Ieft my heart in Valhalla
Dwindling in the streams
Ieft my heart in Valhalla
Buried deep in the sea
Ieft my heart in Valhalla
And it refuses to leave
Deep darkened storm
We would wait to pass
After every tsunami
In bounty we'd bask
Thought I learned to swim
But with one vengeful wave
You syphoned me away
And showed me my mistake
Your eyes are blue
As blue as the sea
But not as blue
As blue as me
CHORUS
For a while there you were like the cat who got the cream
Fantasies of me in the ocean- talk about a wet dream
Oyster to your pearl, universe to my world
Your body is my cargo and darling I feel the surge, oh
Believe me I'm ready to blow
Air bubbles, double trouble and I swear I got my fill
Got your pills and your thrills, oh
Gold revolver, shoot to kill
Yayo
I'm hypodermic for your love
So undeserving of your love
Can never get enough, one touch
Feel the rush,baby you really fuck me up
And I know
Nothing of the grottoes or the seaweed strewn coves
But when your lips touch mine that's where my body goes,
Oh shit
Your bodys a whirlpool and I'm drowning in it, got me wet
Let me catch my breath for a minute
Urban exploration, private expedition
Look around, there ain't no competition
You want me and only me, no other fish in the sea like me
And you're my everything, I don't ask for much
An embrace embodied by the washing tides in and out of torrid love
Just believe
My love for you is as vast as the sea
An oasis
In which I die
No strength to fight
The angry tide
CHORUS
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Hi SFX,
you have a good set of lyrics, create some great pictures in my head. I'm having difficulty hearing it to music, but that's just me.
Do you intend to record the song?
Keith
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Thank you! And yes hopefully!
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Damn I've never been to Valhalla but I think I left my heart there, too.
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You've got some great lyrics here.
I think it's two songs, really...unless the intention is to find a way of deliberately meshing the old (first part) with the new (second part)
First part is quite evocative of ancient times, I thought...whereas from the chorus, it did a quantum leap into the modern day. No reason why that couldn't work, of course...just my impression.
Both parts are really good.
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Damn I've never been to Valhalla but I think I left my heart there, too.
Haha thank you very much !
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You've got some great lyrics here.
I think it's two songs, really...unless the intention is to find a way of deliberately meshing the old (first part) with the new (second part)
First part is quite evocative of ancient times, I thought...whereas from the chorus, it did a quantum leap into the modern day. No reason why that couldn't work, of course...just my impression.
Both parts are really good.
Thank you! It's meant to be like that. I was trying to combine a moody midtempo song with a slow rap with hedonistic vibes, I agree it's hard to visualise on paper but that is what's in my head lol!
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Thinking of entering this into a competition in my city?
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Nice lyrics!
I was reading the top section and then seen CHORUS so I scrolled down and HolyMoly the amount of content there blew me away :)
must have taken hours to write this, great job!
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lovely
it's huge, ambitious
nice images in there
if it works with music i need to hear it.
I like those lyrics