The Songwriter Forum - songwriting reviews, tips and chat

Songwriter Forum => Feedback on Finished songs => Topic started by: Eline97 on August 02, 2017, 06:32:38 PM

Title: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Eline97 on August 02, 2017, 06:32:38 PM
Hi everybody!

I've bought some new gear and now I finally managed to really finish a song in terms of production. I'm quite happy with the result, but I'd like to know what you all think! It's called 'Just Call Me Friend'. Please be honest and let me know your opinion :).

Soundcloud link:
https://soundcloud.com/user-388540497/just-call-me-friend

Lyrics:

I wrote this song for you but I know I’ll never sing it
Cause it’s a love song and the love’s so far away

In your eyes I looked better
Than in the mirror on the wall
But now I look
And I see myself fading

If you don’t
If you won’t
If you can’t hold my heart
Then would you hold my hand
If you don’t
If you won’t
If you can’t call me baby
Then please just call me friend

I’ll settle for a setting sun instead of darkness
Cause just for you I’ll leave the light on in my heart

In your arms I sleep better
On my own I’m wide awake
Alone at night
I’m day dreaming 'bout you

I need you
You’re the sole chord in the key of my heart
And it needs that chord to beat

If you don’t
If you won’t
If you can’t hold my heart
Then would you hold my hand
If you don’t
If you won’t If you can’t call me baby
Then please just call me friend
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: PaulyX on August 02, 2017, 06:57:04 PM
Hi.  I think you're right to be happy with this!  You've got a great voice - rings clear as a bell.  The chorus here really cuts through, with the way you switch to full strums on your guitar and leap up in pitch with the vocal melody.  The line about "settling for a setting sun" struck me as powerful, and the violin (?) was a nice surprise.  So, it's already strong in this simple format... would be interesting to hear it with fuller production too (percussion, more strings and so on), although perhaps the simple production is part of the charm.  Great song, nice one.
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: giitlesriddles on August 02, 2017, 07:04:31 PM
Hello, I'm writing as I listen.
Good clear guitar and vocal sound, with nice harmonies, however some of the strums are just a bit off in intonation or rhythm. I like the words, they're very sweet. I think that the song would really pop if it was about a minute shorter, because a shorter song can be more profound. I love the violin, but perhaps its a tad loud.
If you can, practice some more active strumming patterns toward the end to give just a bit more drive. This a great first effort. Good Job.
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Cawproductions on August 02, 2017, 07:30:45 PM
Eline

Lovely Vocal and melodyline. Like the variation in guitar work throughout the song.

Whats not to like, Produced well this would sound awesome,

Let me know if you need help with that.

Cheers
Andy
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Mikey on August 02, 2017, 07:42:34 PM
Hi eline,

Lovely song, lyrics are really nice, vocals and the harmonies are great, the guitar is very nice but just wants tidying up in a few places, a very nice track, well done.

Mikey
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Eline97 on August 02, 2017, 10:57:52 PM
First of all, thanks for your comments and for listening!

As for the fact that the guitar needs tidying up in a few places, you're absolutely right and I'm well aware of that, but it's only been a year since I started playing the guitar, so I guess that would require some more practice. I will however definitely do that soon. I just couldn't wait to get some feedback first :).

@Andy I would like that, since I just play guitar and violin, but I'm not a producer. I'm very curious what kind of sound you have in mind!
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Eline97 on August 02, 2017, 11:23:44 PM
Hi.  I think you're right to be happy with this!  You've got a great voice - rings clear as a bell.  The chorus here really cuts through, with the way you switch to full strums on your guitar and leap up in pitch with the vocal melody.  The line about "settling for a setting sun" struck me as powerful, and the violin (?) was a nice surprise.  So, it's already strong in this simple format... would be interesting to hear it with fuller production too (percussion, more strings and so on), although perhaps the simple production is part of the charm.  Great song, nice one.

Thank you so much for the compliments! It's a violin indeed :)
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: shadowfax on August 03, 2017, 08:03:27 AM
It's a lovely song and you sing it beautifully...timing is out here and there, nowadays you gotta play to a click track and for me it's a little dry..meaning a touch of reverb would put the song in a nice space,
A little bit too long and I personally don't think the song needs the violin...it was a bit screechy..sorry

very well done... :) :) :)
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Eline97 on August 03, 2017, 04:21:24 PM
Thanks for the feedback Shadowfax! You're right about the timing ;). When I first recorded, I was fingerpicking during the chorus as well as the verses, but when I listened to the result, it was kind of boring in my opinion, so I changed it to strumming. However, to match the strumming perfectly with vocals I recorded earlier turned out to be harder than I thought, so I'll have to record the vocals again later (didn't feel like doing that over that night). When I record it again, I'll also try adding some reverb. I already turned the volume of the violin down because as said before, it was too loud.
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Mikey on August 03, 2017, 07:32:39 PM
First of all, thanks for your comments and for listening!

As for the fact that the guitar needs tidying up in a few places, you're absolutely right and I'm well aware of that, but it's only been a year since I started playing the guitar, so I guess that would require some more practice. I will however definitely do that soon. I just couldn't wait to get some feedback first :).

@Andy I would like that, since I just play guitar and violin, but I'm not a producer. I'm very curious what kind of sound you have in mind!

Hi Eline,

Andy and myself work together on a lot of stuff at CAW productions, I will let him know you have responded to his offer of help in case he doesn't see your message, in the meantime, check out some of our stuff here

 


to give you an idea of what our stuff is like.

Mikey
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Cazrolina on August 04, 2017, 12:15:28 AM
Yes a fine song. Really charming and with bags of potential - either just tidied up a bit or with full production. Don't lose too much of that charm though :) Really lovely melody and fab vocals. Top marks :) cx
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Cawproductions on August 04, 2017, 02:38:32 PM
Yes a fine song. Really charming and with bags of potential - either just tidied up a bit or with full production. Don't lose too much of that charm though :) Really lovely melody and fab vocals. Top marks :) cx

Totally agree Cazrolina,

Would be really nice to keep the exact feel but not over produce.
Its a sweet pretty song, should be kept like it,

Andy
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Darren1664 on August 06, 2017, 11:09:32 AM
Hi Eline

First finished song!! Well done and great work.

I'll start with the criticism - timing and strumming just need a little work. The verses are very well played in my opinion but there's some slips in timing. The strumming at the chorus sounds a bit rigid. Maybe you need a lighter plectrum? Or are you using your nails? Plenty of practice will loosen this up...

Now that said you vocals are outstanding. You have a very nice voice that would work perfectly with just guitar behind. You remind of Taylor Swift - if you listen to her playing the acoustic, as her album tracks are obviously ramped up with production. The lyrics are lovely and suit this style of song. I think you have a LOT of potential and if you practice your performance enough and iron out the kinks you could start doing open mics to build confidence? I think you have the voice and talent for it.

Although your first certainly not your last I'm sure. Keep them coming

Darren

Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Darren1664 on August 06, 2017, 11:12:54 AM
Thanks for the feedback Shadowfax! You're right about the timing ;). When I first recorded, I was fingerpicking during the chorus as well as the verses, but when I listened to the result, it was kind of boring in my opinion, so I changed it to strumming. However, to match the strumming perfectly with vocals I recorded earlier turned out to be harder than I thought, so I'll have to record the vocals again later (didn't feel like doing that over that night). When I record it again, I'll also try adding some reverb. I already turned the volume of the violin down because as said before, it was too loud.

Just reading this and thought that maybe you could try finger picking at the chorus but overdub it with some strummed guitar afterward? (or vice versa) Might make the guitar sound fuller for the chorus and pick it up a little. Just a thought :)
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Yodasdad on August 07, 2017, 09:38:34 AM
I wouldn't have guessed this was a first song, some very nice touchs.

I agree that a more polished production would take it to th e next level, but again if you're new to it you haven't done a bit job.

On to the next one, keep em comin.

Yodasdad
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Gill on August 07, 2017, 10:52:17 PM
I love the voice and the song is nice, a great listen ;)
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Jamie on August 08, 2017, 02:48:36 PM
Hi, I agree with all the comments about timing,tuning, playing, polish etc, but on the plus side this is a very good first attempt at a song and you have a great voice. Lots of potential imho!
Good stuff! Stick around you'll learn a lot listening to some of the guys around here!
Nice one!
Cheers
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: pompeyjazz on August 08, 2017, 06:08:25 PM
Hi Eline,

This is excellent considering it's your first song. I love your voice and the harmonies have been well thought out. It's a sweet melody. Sure, some of the guitar might need sorting out but that doesn't detract from what is a very good song.

Excellent, well done and looking forward to your next one  :)
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: digger72 on August 12, 2017, 12:29:20 PM
Hi

Nice melody and vocal performance.
Interesting playing keeps the song light and  "bouncy." It makes me think of a fully produced song which has been stripped down for an unplugged version. Cool vibe.
Sounds modern - if not necessarily my cuppa.

Nice one.

Digger
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Eline97 on August 15, 2017, 06:27:59 PM
Thank you all so much for listening! I've been busy recently writing songs, so I'll upload a new one tomorrow :))). By the way, this wasn't the first song I ever wrote, just the first song I finish in terms of recording etc. I think it was the 10th song I ever wrote.

You have a very nice voice that would work perfectly with just guitar behind. You remind of Taylor Swift - if you listen to her playing the acoustic, as her album tracks are obviously ramped up with production. The lyrics are lovely and suit this style of song. I think you have a LOT of potential and if you practice your performance enough and iron out the kinks you could start doing open mics to build confidence? I think you have the voice and talent for it.

Although your first certainly not your last I'm sure. Keep them coming

Darren

Wow, Darren, thank you SO much! Reminding of Taylor Swift, wow... I think that's the best compliment I've ever gotten on my music. I never thought about doing an open mic - never thought my songs would be good enough for that - but maybe I could just try doing one! By the way, if you say I remind of Taylor Swift, what genre would you say this song is?

I wish I could progress my guitar skills faster, since that would majorly improve my production, as everyone is commenting on - I totally agree, by the way -, but I guess there's only so much progress you can make in a year's time, even if you play for an hour a day.
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: Skub on August 16, 2017, 10:13:34 AM
Hi Eline97.

You have a lovely voice and you use it quite confidently,which means a lot when you are trying to connect with listeners.
The song itself is solid,varied and interesting.

As others have mentioned,sorting timing issues and perhaps a better recording would work wonders.  :)
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: The one on January 09, 2018, 12:21:36 AM
Hi. Nice to hear a love song. I liked it but a little too repetitive I thought.
Title: Re: Just Call Me Friend - First song I ever really finish :)
Post by: cowparsleyman on January 09, 2018, 08:26:08 AM
Hi Eline

Lovely voice, I love the delivery, the guitar playing is really cool, stark, bare, open vulnerable.

I agree with someone else that it's a bit long.

I would love you to sing on my stuff...let me know if you're interested.

Regards

CPM